Real bonds are not based on geography, proximity, or amount of time spent talking: they are based on the heart, not convenience or fake support as a guise for taking. They are spiritual bonds. The wrong people can destroy your life, choose your circle wisely, no desperation.
The wrong people are very deceptive, and they will smile in your face while holding a knife behind your back (frenemies who plot your demise while trying to deceive you about the true colours of their wicked heart).
Competitive and jealous people have no place in your circle. Get them out as soon as you can. At the first hint of serious and toxic envy, send them snacks for the road. Covetous admiration is fine, envy is not.
They may even find ways to infiltrate (destroy) your life and focus through third parties, you never know what those kinds of people are capable of... which is why you need to be very careful who you allow into your life.
You get to *decide* who you spend *your* time with and any "well-meaning" (fake) person who tries to make you spend mental energy you do not have is actually undermining your personal dominion over your personal matters.
Interference into your life without your prior consent is control concealed as care.
If someone knows clearly what you need for your wiring to function well and they recommend the opposite, you know they're actually a Sesame Street Deceptacon.
✨Boundaries are not paranoid, they are careful, and they are wisdom-driven. You are worthy of strong personal safety and protection.✨
You should be wise about who you allow in your life if you value your mental health and time. If anyone has an issue with your logistical limitations and your availability limits, they are simply not right for you and it's best for you to know this from the onset because people who don't like boundaries can be very dangerous down the line.
Those who personalize boundaries are not capable of respectful and considerate connection anyway.
I think a lot of self-reliant people value depth / quality in relationships over quantity as quantity doesn't mean fulfilling and heart-felt. Seeing this now more than ever as I have to operate my life with 6 days not 7 because of a full crash day without which I burnout.
I have so little time to nurture my genuine connections, why would I allow new ones that give me even a hint of bottom-less pit entitled taker or envious gossiper vibes? It's even worse if they try to infiltrate my sanctuary or gym time, that's never acceptable from anyone outside my household and it shows me that they are not on the same wavelength as me already. If there is no good timing, then it was not meant to be as if it was, there would be available time.
Do not expect people who aren't self-reliant to understand why you're fulfilled, happy, and satisfied with a high-quality small circle. Oh well.
Perhaps they should mind their business and comprehend that if you had an interest in expanding your circle, you would do so on your own and find people that resonate with your values (independently of proximity as proximity does not dictate trust, I base nothing off of convenience).
The fake spies sent my way by the kingdom of darkness or demonic forces aka "monitoring spirits" disguised as overly pushy possible new "friends" failed because I have actual standards and my sense of belonging is from within and from God, he tells me right away who to steer clear from and I trust my inner guidance 100%.
Never be desperate and tolerate anything forced or one-sided or that gets in the way of your critical health requirements (I need a lot of quiet time and outside my existing obligations/actual responsibilities/own household: I don't have time for too many inner circle people, much less new ones who think they can impose themselves on me like if I owed them anything when I do not and that is a crass way to go about anything).
Don't expect anyone who grew up in a feathered nest to understand why you're fine with a small circle. It's not that complicated, self-reliant people don't look for validation in others and we have a "low" social battery (we're easily drained).
Being outgoing and being an introvert isn't mutually exclusive either.
Working with my wiring in all my lanes has me no longer needing to find different means of mental escape such as seeking validation/belonging externally, I have it within myself so I am not thirsty for fake communities and fake people like before which faded via my authenticity.
It is Biblical to guard our hearts and test the spirits, if we value ourselves, and our time, we will not be letting random people into our lives just because they want to enter our lives. We figure out why and we figure out what kind of people they are before we open up to these people coming in out of nowhere. Our lives flow from our hearts and minds, it is simply personal safety in a sense because we do not owe anybody anything but to wish them well and harm no one. We have full sovereignty over how we manage our personal and business circle.
I don't need a high quantity of low-quality connections and I can barely sustain my existing high-quality ones, so why would I go out of my way to destroy my very clear bandwidth and mental energy limits? For what?
High-quality bonds matter more than quantity of them.
Physical proximity does not dictate community in this day and age because it doesn't mean that we have the same values.
It’s a choice, your choice.
Again, my circle is small by choice and I am not interested in keeping up with more people on that level so as to avoid neglecting them as I pour a lot into my close ties, so I keep only few as it is more sustainable (I honour my bandwidth limits).
Anyone bothered by your:
• oxygen mask aka alone time (for me, that's swimming / gym: by myself for my ADHD)
• investment in mind growth
• time without interruptions when you need to sleep more
And they're not a dependent...
They're *not* for you. They may pretend that they have good intentions, but people with good intentions, respect, free will, dignity and autonomy don't they?
Needing quiet isn't looking down or being better than, it's quite literally managing our time and energy because we're not playing the comparison game (this is not about anyone else): we're minding our own business, bothering no one, and recharging our loud minds.
Some need solitude to recharge, it's not weird, it's neurodivergent. I mean... loud minds like ADHD require doses of it like a ventilator. This is why I gym by myself, it's by design. Mental therapy and processing my thoughts is a personal responsibility and a solo task. I don't do talk therapy.
Every friendship or connection in your life should be by mutual consent, and not force. although they may try to cover it up, there is nothing well meaning about aggression when trying to get into someone's life. Any form of forced intimacy is a very big red flag and you cannot be so desperate to let random people into your life just because they're interested in being in your life, you have to find out if you have the logistics available and what their motives are because your life is precious and valuable.
You can't know everyone and you can't do everything, oh well. That's just part of life. I no longer have an interest in over-functioning to sustain what is logistically and mentally unsustainable, which means that if new connections are pushy and demanding, I think we can sense with their real real intentions are because genuine people are not intrusive.
My mental health requirements, and overall health are more important than what anyone wants to think of me having a small circle. People with good intentions back off at the first sign of disinterest but pushy people are coming in with a clear agenda and I don't have time for it.
What you're able to do will be more than enough for the right aligned people.
Genuine (healthy) bonds are rare, based on mutual free will and heart-and-soul love rather than geographical proximity, and they are gradual rather than staged, set-up, or coerced.