Your Circle = Your Choice

Your mental health and obligations are more important than the filters/how others "view" you.

Emotional and mental presence > physical presence, depth of bond always wins for me, reliability is more "energetic" than convenience based. Quality over quantity. 

By reserving your kindness and trust for those who genuinely deserve it, you protect yourself from potential harm and create a protective barrier around your well-being.

You get to choose the size of your circle or support system or community or whatever you want to call it. There is normally an agenda when someone tries to push particular people onto you because if their real concern was that you need more friends so that you can comply with their own biased definition of happiness (ignoring your introversion), they wouldn't be the one choosing them for you.

I think people have a right to choose the size of their circle as grown adults with self-determination and autonomy. 

You also get to choose who is in it. No one gets to dominate your life. I can't fathom anyone appointing themselves as the authority on your personal life. 

You also get to decide which segments of your life or social versus not especially if you're an introvert.

We all need different things to be happy. Please mind your business out here. 

Disabilities aren't comfort zones but medical requirements whether it's more un-interrupted sleep with or without med trials, un-interrupted work, planning ahead, or respecting communication method requirements for traffic control to avoid mental overstimulation (I keep a small circle).

You don't hijack the disability oxygen mask aka fitness time of a person with a disability either if you're not their child or dependent, I don't deal with daft people who need extensive explanations on how this works... That's more exhausting than it is worth. 

You will be run into the ground if you do not have a healthy amount of "selfishness" or boundaries in terms of blocking off the time that you need for your survival (which is not the same as exploiting others or dumping your issues on other people, this is being responsible).

Unfounded targeting disguised as concern stems from envy. If you’re undermining me over "concern" due to ADHD, isn’t that covert attacking? Best of luck justifying that foolishness as if a diagnosis of ADHD undermines someone from choosing the size of their circle and their path?

👏Everyone needs different things to be happy and concealing control as care implies that a medical condition like ADHD justifies undermining someone's free choice and personal space and privacy and autonomy, is this not a violation of human rights?

If someone genuinely cared about your happiness, they would respect your definition of it—including your choice to keep a small circle chosen by YOU. They wouldn’t be trying to force certain particular/specific people into your life. When others choose your friends for you, there’s often an agenda behind it, especially if those people seem scripted and intent on disrupting your disability-accommodated role under the guise of comfort zone nonsense and potential when in reality, working at all for me is a miracle as is having a side-hustle so those who think they can dictate your life to you actually do not care about you: they're eroding your autonomy via CONTROL.👏  

Don't listen to anyone trying to convince you to force your way into my life, you'll embarrass yourself. I don't want more than a handful of friends and family I have known my whole life. I don't want a large circle of nosey lurkers keeping tabs on my next move, don't do it.

You don't get to undermine someone's choice to work multiple lanes and consciously know the sacrifices required due to a time-consuming disability while doing so just because you would live differently than them. Everyone has autonomy to make their own choices. 

Time for mental calibration precedes our ability to function as an introvert with ADHD naturally limits the size of our circle, who cares, if we're happy - we're happy.

Anyone looking to distract you from your side hustle or your fitness routine is an absolute hater. They're just disguising themselves as a "friend" or caring, but it's the opposite. Trust is earned and I don't have time to vet that many people so I keep my guard way high. As I should. Why would I walk around vulnerable?

I don't want more than a handful of friends and family I have known my whole life. I don't want a large circle of nosey lurkers keeping tabs on my next move, don't do it.

People choose the who/what/where when of their social circle, you're going to have to be more creative to infiltrate my highly guarded life when I can peep bullshit from a mile away.

It's repulsive to try to pressure yourself into anyone's life, first off, we don't owe you time we don't have, second, we don't owe you lowering our privacy settings to satisfy the agenda of the dumb orchestrator who sent you.

Boundary are not cold (doing or wishing evil is cold), boundaries express the fact that you have a right to choices and you have rights, so those offended at your boundaries are basically mad that you have basic human rights and choices in life. Those entitled people must be avoided, protect your peace.  

Respect for the person's wellness and space (mutually so), not personal gain or things, as the basis for healthy connections. No one gets access to my medically required fitness time for their personal gain over my survival (if they're not a child or dependent) as not only my brain is shut-off, a severe disability requires heart-rate and BP monitoring and it's as consuming as having a child.

***If there's anyone in or around my life that thinks a mental wheelchair is not on the same level as a physical wheelchair like those that can't walk, you're going to have to remove yourself as you don't understand quiet time/personal space/and free will. Hyper-focus un-interrupted while I work/sleep as I cannot refocus as this is the basis of ADHD.***

You're not dumping your responsibilities on others when you guard your time for baseline survival requirements, this is common sense for grown adults who respect their health, disability, and capacity. This is why my circle is closed to ignorance.

An over-crowded circle sounds like a nightmare when you have 6, not 7 days, per week to operate your life in order to recover sleep loss due to ADHD. It's quality over quantity and a small circle controls notification traffic and alleviates needless mental burdens.

Who gets to decide the type and size of social circle you have? You. Only you. I don't have energy to explain disabilities to many, and I am clearly making a conscious to keep working so this clearly means way more time invested in health maintenance than other things, so? 🤷‍♀️

Not everyone is for you, this is common sense, a connection is a CHOICE - stop letting randoms hijack your lives and get some standards, did you not work hard for your blessings and they somehow want to just take from you just by affiliation yet do nothing for you?

There is a "fullness" to the human experience that in no way requires volunteering to be prey by allowing just anyone near your life and business, some of us have enough life experience to respect that using intuition can save us years of wasted time and injustices.

It's not refusing to live fully, it is respecting that we deserve happiness and if our instincts are a gift, why risk exposure to toxic influences and takers? Do people have time to risk needless suffering? Some of us are simply putting earned wisdom into practice and gifted with discernment.

Choosing "when" you're in quiet mode:

You're allowed to just "be" and not be in performance or social mode especially without walking on eggshells in your own home space (and gym) space, you shouldn't need a disability to be left alone inside your home and not be bullied into unwanted social connections.

NO ONE needs to be mentally switched "on" or in performance mode during designated private time OFF. Beyond graces, we choose our social circle, that's basic personal human autonomy. Social animals should respect social cues with ease, no? Busy and loud minds need more quiet and understanding isn't required for respect.

I don't believe people are "afraid of being hurt" - I believe that everyone has a right to set clear parameters around each area of their lives and choose their priorities and some do NOT have spare time for too many connections to maintain it's not realistic, leave it alone if someone is not interested and don't be a dummy who doesn't read the room... No one would be pushing a specific connection out of nowhere harder than someone with ulterior motives.

With ADHD, my alone time is far too precious for me to desire a bigger circle (aside from the logistical limits of managing a disability while happily working), make of it what you will as I can't deposit opinions and they do nothing to enhance my mental and physical wellbeing.

I understand that a smaller circle being preferred is not the norm, but with logistics like mine, that's all I can handle. It’s one of the many time-sacrifices that naturally comes with working with a disability, which I love doing.

I share these things publicly to normalize introversion, and for people to be proud of who they are instead of lamenting who they are not because if you're bothered by someone else's personality traits, you don't need to be in their life. You don't even need to be near them.

A disability is the "trump" card and a crash-day is to be respected, pushiness is not tolerated. I don't risk my survival and a burnout-free existence for anything or anyone who isn't my child. It is to be encouraged as physical presence isn't the only measure of true care for those well-vetted people.

People who never seem happy with your availability won't be happier by giving them anything more at your expense! 

Genuine "support" is not making you question your right to put your health first with a disability, irrespective of how this looks to people who are not neurodivergent. And of course, respecting the concept of trust being earned via mutual respect, and time being limited.

For the clowns sending cronies to control the narrative:

For those with multiple jobs and a disability and a very small social battery, I would opt for fabrications as trust me when I say that I don't let just anybody into my personal circle as I don't have unlimited time so just fabricate away because that's going to be the only way.

If someone is sending random people to your life and trying to have them force themselves onto you like a leech and energy vampire disrespecting your gym time, and you don't want more friends, it's going to be very difficult for them to send you subliminal manipulative messages.

Self-preservation and boundaries:

Demanding automatic trust is disgusting to me! People lack good survival skills. I don’t care how lonely someone might feel because, first of all, I’m not. But others might be, and they assume everyone else feels as lonely as they do. That doesn’t justify spilling your guts to someone you just met. It makes no sense—aren’t you vetting them? People need to realize that not everyone you meet is automatically a friend, nor are they necessarily trustworthy just because they go to the same gym or live nearby. Are people not using their brains anymore? Proximity doesn’t equate to trust. Maintaining a professional distance isn’t cold—it’s a boundary. Being cold would mean cursing people out, being malicious, or bothering them.

You don’t need to act all bubbly and chummy just to impress anyone. You’re not putting on a performance unless you’re at work. When I’m going somewhere to relax, I’m there to recharge. I don’t need to be smiling and chatty. I keep to myself, stay cordial, and respect shared spaces. I don’t invade other people’s boundaries or their lives, and I expect my boundaries, like wearing headphones, to be respected too. Headphones are a clear signal that says, “Don’t talk to me unless it’s urgent or I’m in your way.”

The only people bothered by visible barriers are the ones with manipulative agendas. Many want to read your emotions to play with them. Most people are not as genuine as they seem. 

The power of crash days and insomnia buffers is incredible, you don't have anything without baseline brain and body function so you do what you need to do to keep yourself essentially functioning and alive with a disability, we don't have time to explain the lower bandwidth ans traffic control accommodations in our lives that we create.

I am not too strict or extreme, I respect my humanity and everything I have endured throughout my life when I lacked discernment in my younger years and my high spam filter has preserved my peace and enhanced my happiness and filtered in only the good. It's a time-saver.

ADHD physiological rest is basic survival and the decision to provide for myself is one that I do not regret. I am very conscious of the sacrifice of keeping a smaller circle due to logistics (6 days not 7 to live my life) and health requirements and regimens being unbothered. ⛔️ Except family emergencies. 

Don't be bullied into any connection as who wants to deal with manipulators and pushy people by choice?

My peace, disability protective health measures, and happiness, for which I fought, are under extreme preservation wherein if someone adds nothing to my life - I have no time to invest in trash/takers. I fought/worked for everything I have/know, I am no one's free meal ticket. 👏

My list of causes include my existing fundraiser and ADHD advocacy, freeloading opportunists who think a disabled person who likely has less time than them owes them a free lunch need to find someone gullible to build off of and do the work themselves like we did.

No one can use a "connection" to take take take from me as I am self-reliant. 

People have strict schedules and responsibilities and if they’re providing for themselves on top of a *disability* that reduces their total days from 7 to 6 due to crashing out: we don’t “owe” anyone real estate in our lives or at the expense of designated relaxation time. 

I'm not here to prove to anybody that my carefulness and my protectiveness over myself is not paranoid, I have nothing to prove to anyone, my personal protection is more important than anybody's perception of me. 

Whoever thinks you owe them putting them ahead of your basic health and mental/schedule peace and they're not your child or dependent is the one with the problem, especially as a person with a disability and extremely limited time, such people need to be removed from your world. ⛔️

Assess the pro's and con's before allowing friendships or any other new connections access to your private life. Critical thinking about "why" is XYZ person suddenly trying to swoop in is very important. Logic.

Health is not an acceptable compromise as that’s your survival, which means time is more limited for those with disabilities. Why should you carry the heavier load to make something fit in your non-existent free time because of what a random person trying to force themselves into your life wants from you? ☠️

“Mean” is outright insulting people and putting them down and “cold” is doing or wishing evil on others or smirking while you kick them when they're down like a power-hungry tyrant who despises boundaries as those are a marker of having choices, preserving yourself and your limited time and energy is self-respect especially when your intuition is kicking in and you don’t have time to waste between a disability and multiple lanes. 

How evil of me to expect ROI based on what I invest in. Unless it's loved ones or a charity, why should I be without replenishment? It's never the taker who whines, but they wouldn't give to a bottomless pit if the roles were reversed. I expect what I engage in to be uplifting.

Cold is doing evil, boundaries are not rude and imposition is not genuinely friendly. Friendly is pleasant, not invasive and overfamiliar. Many use being obtuse as a cover-up for forcefully seeking to break people's guard quickly to infiltrate their lives for a purpose.

You can be too busy or not interested and still not "owe" any explanations for your disinterest towards un-necessary, forced, coerced, and un-wanted connections that you do not have energy or time for or that would slow you down or detract you from your schedule running on time. I would never voluntarily invite control-freaks and boundary-violators into my personal life and space. Nope.

The choice to work with a disability limits spare time, supportive souls respect this concept: you'll never find them trying to force their way into your peace and life. I don't take the erosion of my free will as a compliment.

I have the right to limit my time and energy to only those who are truly necessary in my life as I have a low social battery.

This applies to friends and connections—if I’m the one doing all the motivating, who’s motivating me? It’s not my responsibility to lower myself, not out of arrogance, but to diminish who I am or lose my drive for people who aren’t on the same level. I don’t need to pull others up if it means being dragged down, especially with only six productive days a week before I hit a full disability crash day. I need people who match my energy and motivate me in return. I’ve done enough in terms of charity; I don’t need more. I won’t allow anyone to drain my energy or take advantage of my knowledge. I deserve to receive as much as I give.

I do not owe anyone my mental recharge time that precedes my mental survival and ability to provide for myself. I am not happier in a forced community, I am happier when I choose which segments of my life are social or not so anyone who is that “concerned” will not undermine my right to choose as arranged friendships have agendas. 

Healthy-minded people who care about you as a person with limits and basic needs are not going to try to bulldoze you, impose on you, or try to extract or exploit anything out of you for their personal gain and this includes motivation while bringing no true support to the table.

I fought for this peace so I protect my life and circle at all costs. I don't like many people in my business and I don't owe liking many people in my business to anyone, the same way I do not owe anyone a friendship. The choice must be mutual.

I don't think it's about putting achievement or work ahead of family or friends, I think it comes down to ensuring that your survival is handled and met and then leaving enough space for those things in addition. We do what we can. 🤷‍♀️

If it doesn't fit the segments of your life where you're actually available, it probably means you don't have time for it. 

That's part of life.

Be wary of people who say "you'd be happier if you were like this or did that or being guarded means you're missing out on good people" because good people do not impose themselves and respect other people's definitions of happiness and don't dictate your needs to you, red flags!

Once again:

I don't like many people in my business and I don't owe liking many people in my business to anyone, the same way I do not owe anyone a friendship.

The *right* people in your circle, not just anyone, is what determines fulfillment. And besides, who has unlimited time? Not with multiple jobs and a disability. I am not here to win the unwinnable and make haters understand me, I am here to express my authentic truth.

I do not downplay the value of my schedule, purpose, mission, time, and energy for no one and my logistics are suitable to a small circle. Find people with spare energy perhaps? I am not a match for those who don't innately view humans as people, not tools to impose upon.

Not grasping that certain people are very happy and satisfied with a small circle doesn't give you the right to impose your values or desires on someone else because that shows disrespect for dignity, free will, and autonomy and a locus of control issue.

People who build off the backs of others with a "what can I take or benefit off from this person" while bringing nothing to the table or offering nothing are surprised when their whole game falls like quicksand.

Some want to use a "friend" label to milk you for more access and benefit off you.

I don't go into energy or time debt for anything or anyone who isn't a dependent, those unwilling to reciprocate call self-loving people transactional as they build off the backs of the same ones they end up kicking once they're done bleeding them dry. Reciprocity is protection.

Anyone who believes they come before your health and chosen life's priorities (willingly distract, delay, and disturb you for their personal gain) who is not your dependent is a joke that you don't need dealings with.

Anyone who tries to say "we are happier if we do this or that" is trying to convince you to allow them into your life or manipulate the outcome that on top of trying to hijack your time, they can speak for themselves as I don't allow anyone to tell me who I am or what I want.

Busy people don't allow an invasion of time already dedicated to specific purposes. We get to decide which segments of our life is social vs. not and I enjoy my small circle. I'm happier in a small circle. I'm an introvert with a time-consuming disability and no spare time.

My personal peace is more important than forced connections be it in my home space or my gym space which are both dedicated to quiet relaxation, people who choose their social circles are happier because they have freedom over their own life. I keep a small circle by choice.

Everyone has the right to choose who they allow into their personal life and no one has a right to impose themselves on another human being that has free will and personal freedom. Proximity is not enough.

Trust your instincts and the vibe, convenience and proximity do not determine your circle! YOU choose.

Anyone "feeding off" your energy is leeching and it dims your light while you're bled dry, that's not a compliment. Preserve your energy for mutually uplifting and mutually reciprocal people, not low-vibrational people who are shocked that you're not un-boundaried like them.

If someone acting "nice" is the criteria to be allowed into your life, the world has lost its standards. I'm too busy and guarded to not screen people. I don't owe anyone a friendship.

Emotional ties mean low maintenance as we don't have to be each other's faces 24 / 7 but they know I'm there for them if shit hits the fan or if they need me a.k.a. friends and family who are loving, but not clingy.

People who are interested in mutual wellness, not siphoning your energy and benefiting off of you, are actual friends.

Anyone who believes they come before your health and chosen life's priorities (willingly distract, delay, and disturb you for their personal gain) who is not your dependent is a joke that you don't need dealings with. It's the same with fakers who act like the importance of social ties means you owe them your time, energy, and a place in your life is also absurd. You choose your circle! This is basic dignity! You have a right to refuse anything even if it's well-meaning.

No one has to validate or agree with how you prioritize your life and working with a disability is a sacrifice, but it is one that makes me happier by the day as the Universe rewards the decisive. Legacies aren't built via forgoing challenges.

Liking someone's energy does not entitle you to deplete it at the expense their *actual* obligations and getting to where they need to be on time. People are to be respected and honoured, not consumed by those with no concept that people have prior commitments and places to go.

Your energy is to be treated as sacred, not sprinkled like confetti as that's how takers come around to deplete it.

I think it's possible to be an introvert who is also also outgoing with a small tiny circle, but also has a personality and knows how and when to network. We are all a mix of different characteristics.

I also expect friends not to add work to my personal time or to make my brain get back to business, which means that you're not going to benefit from my business by being my friend as my brain is switched off during my unpaid time. 🚩🚩🚩

Anyone who is taking up your time for their own benefit at your expense—especially when you have a disability and multiple jobs—has no place in your life. These people aren't providing any return on the investment of your time and energy. I'm not referring to charity cases or fundraisers, but rather envious individuals who stick around solely for their gain, draining your time and offering nothing in return. This means the limited working hours you have are being squandered on leeches and parasites.

If you're calling yourself a friend and causing me more work, get out.

No one is owed or entitled to the wisdom, knowledge, or expertise that a person worked for and earned just because they have it. Any hustle is a hustle, not a hobby. I won't dim my expertise for anyone who doesn't respect my brain power (the basis of ADHD's limitations).

If you think that everybody that shows an interest in your life or anything about you is always genuine, you have to gain more life experience because the more aggressive and pushy the so-called interest, the faker it is and the more agenda-laden it is.

I expect nothing that resembles work on my off time and that's critical to my longevity and survival with ADHD, it has nothing to do with whether or not I like my business. People still require mental breaks and I require that daily...

I am referring to being switched off from my fitness related business so if you're looking for free advice, go somewhere else.

That said:

You are under no obligation to share yourself with anyone you do not wish to.

Never let anyone convince you otherwise.

People are supposed to be coming into your life bringing positive energy aka adding value (not chaos, time-wasting, and boundary-pushing) so if they're not from your household, you don't owe them a place in *your* life. Oneness means do/wish no evil, it doesn't mean unboundaried. 

People should only share from overflow only or of themselves if it's *mutually* uplifting and their cup is full first (that's a personal responsibility that cannot be outsourced, do not let anyone annihilate you in your own life).

When you did it on your own, but there's people who try to piggyback off of you or latch onto you like you're some sort of host for these human parasites, I don't think so.

Quality personal relationships take time and heart - so an intelligent person is going to invest very wisely for the long haul, not just to be used for this or that as if time was disposable?

Had I been smarter when I was younger, I would have never shared my goals with just anybody as not everybody is happy for you. I want help with a certain goal, I will go find that connection myself. The idea that telling as many people as possible is going to help you is false.

It's not because relationships aren't linear and so on, it's literal self-respect and being aware of how many friends I can actually maintain (and I use community and social circle interchangeably).

Not even cheese / crackers (figuratively), some bring nothing to the table and expect you to offer them a seat? Since when is my time for the taking without at least energetic ROI? I am not infringing on anyone by protecting my personal space and peace, go find another leech-host.

I am actually rather disgusted that anyone would expect me to indiscriminately allow just anybody into my life just because they want or desire to be in my life, that's absolutely not enough. I don't even have that kind of time to begin with.

There are plenty of cheerful, bubbly individuals who are actually manipulators, often going out of their way to bring others down behind the scenes and they use their persona to conceal it. On the other hand, there are genuinely kind people who may be more reserved but would never intentionally harm others; in fact, they often defend people when they're not around. This is one of the reasons I don't tolerate superficiality. Many seemingly nice people may appear warm and welcoming, but they can be deceptive.

Authentic people don’t play a persona, if they’re tired - they’re tired. If they are busy - they show it, it’s basic humanity, but you’ll never see them start a hate train against those with different mental wiring or those who refused unwanted connections in their home space.

Truly kind people may not wear a constant smile or engage with everyone due to lack of energy and because they embrace their humanity (some are private, busy with a life, and tired), but they are authentic and would never undermine others in secret and they defend the vulnerable without incentive.

Kind is a heart placement and the kind of values someone has, nice is an outgoing persona with no boundaries as to who they share their energy with, but a lot of those people are gossips, and will cross you in an instant if it suits their agenda. They can also be liars, haters, and backstabbers.

Not every nice person is a backstabbing gossip, but I'm just saying that the mask someone wears on the outside is not a true reflection of their heart space. Kind people don't go around harming others or bothering them to suit their agenda, but nice people may have two faces.

KIND IS ALSO KIND TO ONESELF VIA BOUNDARIES.

A small circle also protects me from the haters who send their dumb little minions to try to provoke me on their behalf.

It also stops me from aimlessly seeking to build anything with fake people who bring nothing but "taking" to the table, all while telling me that I didn't try enough? These people will try to make you explode to make you look crazy and never be satisfied with your love language (this doesn't just happen in business, it happens in one's personal life if you let it and it's based on pure envy and projection). 

The idea that anyone is entitled to the time, energy, and attention of another person without even bringing positivity or encouragement to the table or that someone owes you something just because they possess it is absolutely false. Energy vampire low-vibrational bullshid.

I love my own company too much to settle for the wrong circle. It's not a lack of trust, it's having standards and self-trust! Everyone is curated.

You belong to yourself.

Your time is your own.

You do not owe yourself to anyone who isn't actually from your household with a real basis for obligation.

You can't "make time" that you don't have. That doesn't make any sense (if the person is as good of a person as they claim, they'll respect that).

You owe doing no harm and bothering no one, but in terms of forceful connections, that over-rides your autonomy to choose who you allow into your life and such people are usually parasites (you give an inch, they take a mile).

Convenience (or proximity) doesn't dictate my circle, spiritual connection plays a part and sometimes:

I JUST DO NOT HAVE SPARE TIME AND ENERGY and since people are humans with priorities and needs and not just extensions or a means to an end for someone else's benefit: not having time should not be downplayed as trust issues but as common sense logistics.  The more I heal, the more I respect my energy. I conserve it for what I choose to spend it on, I won't be annihilated or hijacked by how other people achieve happiness as I know what I want.

I don't know if I'm the only one, but I just feel like too many friends takes too much time and at this point in my life I just don't have the energy and there's nothing wrong with having a small circle especially if you're able to nurture everyone in it properly. It's a matter of basic schedule logistics and being responsible for your baseline obligations and the conditions to your unique mental health.

Even without a disability, people have on average 3 hours per day for their personal lives in the evening and then 2 days off per week mostly for errands and housework. I do not see the appeal of a massive social circle at all. It sounds unsustainable.

Everyone has different bandwidth limits. I don't care if not everyone grasps the limits of living with a disability, but no one is about to make my life more difficult for their gain. 👏

You're not missing out on anything by having a spam filter. It means you actually value yourself because you're protecting yourself and that's actually intelligent.

Discernment is not paranoia, and why would you need that many friends anyway? Self-reliant and self-motivated people are not that desperate.

And anyone who tries to be sneaky and manipulative about your lack of time is telling you in no clearer terms that they do not care about your personal obligation towards your basic wellness requirements. That's not someone you want future dealings with.  

I don't tolerate gym or home-time intruders, for instance. ⛔️

It is absolutely a choice... I rather have fewer higher quality people of my own choosing that are for life than through fleeting circumstances as I don't invest in users (temporary people, fakes who want to suck up my energy, and fleeting situations out of convenience but nothing genuine).

Naturally, people who respect autonomy and independence last longer in my circle than those looking for puppets. In choice-based circles aka within our own lives, we have the final say in who is in our circle.

You will never be dragged down by people who have a purpose, goals, and hobbies. While their situation is unfortunate, you choose how you spend your time and protecting your wellbeing from those looking to latch on (with no personal responsibility) at your expense is critical.

I think we need to be clear that a friend who has a heart for you will want your well-being even if it means you're less available or not available to them. They would never ask you to sacrifice your oxygen supply (vice versa). They would encourage you to do what is best for you (mutually so).

I value lifelong depth in connections, which is why I keep fewer.

Over-exertion of limited mental energy for a social connection that's not even your dependent makes absolutely no sense to me because my relationship with myself (lifelong) and my disability (nutrition, exercise, sleep) trumps anyone who wants more from me than what is logistically possible.

Ties of the heart win as they're not geographically dependent (spiritual connections, not fake ones).

A "friend" is mutual care for wellness, not added stress, chaos, or taking up your precious time for mental recharging during a segment of your life that is deemed private. 👏👏👏

I deserve supportive genuine people in my life, I am a person with a disability and multiple lanes, go find your free advice (when this is their only reason for befriending you) and discounts elsewhere, I will not be disrespected, robbed of my limited work hours, and used. I help more than enough humanity-wide with content and charity work.

We also choose which segments of our lives we deem to be quiet time vs. social time and introverts need more quiet. 

Discernment is a GIFT. Who wants to be drained over and over?

We finally learn our lesson and thankfully, for me, it happened quickly.

Just from a logical mathematical budget standpoint: you can like a topic/person/situation and not have time for it, and what's not going to be cut into is mental health recovery time for anything that isn't an actual in-house obligation, I won't apologize for my survival. I don't like intrusion and pushiness whether it is overt or covert.

Neurodiversity means understanding that everyone recharges differently and everyone has a different level of "social" battery energy available. 👏

We don't live in tribes anymore... 

Needing less interaction doesn't mean we hate people, it means we have a different way to balance our nervous system (in peace and quiet) and we choose who to socialize with and when.

I don't mind my authenticity being misunderstood, it weeds out the wrong people, which is a blessing.

Self-compassion:

Due to having to cram my life into 6 days a week rather than 7 due to ADHD crash day which keeps me burnout free due to insomnia, I am unable to be everywhere and I no longer make apologies for managing my health/disability. 💯

Healthy friendships and relationships should never overwhelm your schedule or add unnecessary stress. They certainly shouldn't feel like additional labour.

Those who demand more from you, even when you're dealing with a disability, are exploiting you, which is truly appalling.

Anyone who infringes on your time for self-care is essentially acting like a leech. Be cautious of these parasitic individuals. While connections can offer support and resources, they shouldn’t come with heavy demands. Some of us can't refocus after an interruption of any length, so we don't need any kind of additional tug on our attention which is where being careful who we allow into our lives comes in.

True friends ease your life, not complicate it, and they shouldn't be anxiety-inducing leeches.

People who are confident and comfortable in who they are and in their own skin are not going to be bothered in the slightest by the different lifestyles and boundaries of others.

I count my close friends on one hand and that's where I am at, I am cocooning after having my identity stolen and being hacked from every angle (my phone, socials, store, computer).

I do not trust easily and I do not care what anyone wants to say about it, I am who I am.

My happiness comes from within, so it's harder for me to justify un-necessary self-sacrifice for people who bring nothing to the table, and anyone who tries to bully their way into my life - especially during zones of privacy (home and gym, big no no, just not meant to be in that case, move along).

Protect your energy and your light with a ring of fire to repel the moths so they do not dare bother your peace.

The kinds of people who feel like their well-meaning bullshit is an excuse for you to allow your time to be wasted, you don’t owe entertainment to unwanted fake connections who have an agenda. To be clear, discernment is not paranoia or trust issues.

For those who do have trust issues, keep not trusting comfort-zone haters as they're being pushy for a reason so do not allow anyone to mess you up out of your mental writing, the right people won't try to change you to suit them (it's like trying to make you a better punching bag, instead of stopping the bullshit at the onset, that's on twisted people).

Self-improvement is your decision, but not because weak-minded people believe your values and ways of living are too different. If you're harming no one, you're free to be your unique self as some norms are outdated and I don't care for massive circles at all, unlike before when I had no sense of self and took orders from arbitrary external markers of success.

The wrong people revel in kicking others when down and expect you to come back for a round two, those types fake caring so they can bleed you dry. 

Energy vampires destroy energy. The right people add to your life, they don’t drain you…

Live and let live. I get to choose who I allow in my private life, period. I am also not paying for amenities to have my quiet time ambushed, beyond social graces: I really owe nothing to forceful people especially, I won't have my free will hijacked and be robbed of my quality time to show up for myself first so that when I show up for family and work, I am not drained.

I am not a clown-entertainer to energy vampires, I am worthy of replenishment and equal reciprocity unless they're my child or dependent. People who hate their lives will try to destroy yours via subtle and hard to detect strategies concealed as concern.

Low-value high-entitlement people will distract you from the health practices you hold dear. They don't manage your health or pay your bills or ensure your baseline brain functioning, so their validation is not only purposeless, they bring nothing to the table but distraction.

Working with a disability naturally requires more recovery methods that are unique to our wiring, but to me, personal autonomy beats reliance on other people or outdated systems that cause disabled people to settle for crumbs. As long as time is carved out, I am good. Small circles are logically smarter.

I owe myself preservation and protection, this begins with choosing my community and circle based on my values, and not the ones who seek to annihilate personal choice and freedom.

Respecting that we can't know everyone, can't do everything, can't solve every problem is key rather than hating the reality of it. No is "on" mentally 24/7. At least not me!

I came home to myself when I realized my sense of peace in life is more important than anything else and that when you have the belonging within yourself, you are much more discerning with your circle or community of choice.

Existing as part of the Collective and Oneness does not mean we do not have basic rights to choices and our own boundaries, it is incentive to not harm and hate and love all is an energetic command - it doesn't mean we owe our time. We are not an extension of anyone else's agenda.

Self-centered is choosing to make someone else's life mean something about you or imposing your values on them when their own truth harms no one. People can be busy, doesn't mean acting "better than" - leave it to ignorance to actually judge those of us who keep working despite severe health conditions for not having spare time.

If they don't respect your constraints, they don't care about you and they're a taker aka energy vampire as pushy people have agendas, point blank period. They'll try to sell you on concepts to back you into a corner of accepting their forceful way into your life, but when you value your peace above all else: they've picked the wrong one to play with.

When you have projects that move your life forward, you can't have too many distractions so you curate your life.

Those who are bothered by your time limitations are quite literally saying that they don't mind if you neglect your responsibilities to benefit them, which is the very definition of unhealthy. Especially people that you just met. Anyone forceful has an agenda, period.

Your right to choices is exercised via boundaries and only those who have an issue with your free will would have a problem with your unique self-expression and agency over how you manage your time, space, and energy. Some believe they "own" others, that's not your problem.

I don't expect people who don't live with a severe life-limiting disability to comprehend the appeal of a small circle or the sheer amount of investment that goes into health maintenance/traffic control methods just to function. I do expect them to not get in the way. 

If someone you barely know is already trying to force their way into your life, they are certainly not a source of peace. Instead, they bring chaos and try to make you second-guess your self-care routine—or even disrupt it. Who needs connections like that? They're just takers.

I find it hard to comprehend why anyone who doesn't contribute to my life or pay my bills feels entitled to force their way in.

Do they actually believe they would take priority over my relationship with my health? Please get a grip on reality!

While continuing to work multiple lanes can seem like a "sacrifice" with a time-consuming health condition that requires a weekly crash/sleep catch-up day (even if I sleep well, I have always needed this), that's a good thing as the trade-off's bring greater rewards.  

✨✨✨

zero nonsense tolerance = small circle

my motivation and drive comes from within so if it's not uplifting and encouraging me, if it's not bringing me any peace, there's no use, many people are looking to take, drain, create more work for you: no, i labour enough no need for more and no need for one-sided time-draining takers and leeches

✨✨✨

People with strict schedules and time restraints don't mix well with too many people and as I get older, I accept that. It's logistically impossible to know everyone and that's to be accepted. Being busy isn't "better than" - it's simply part of life.

Forcing is an auto-repellant for me as I don't care to "connect" with anyone who undermines my free will even by a hair.

You do not "miss out" when you recharge mental energy with guard-rails around that time when you are aware of your wiring: you "align" so you can pour into your real commitments correctly and with full presence: this may seem guarded, but it is how we ensure not running on empty.

As for the monitoring spirits: 

I would say that it's best to fabricate at this point because I don't talk to just anybody about just anything in real life. I don't have to be an open book. I don't owe anybody my privacy just because I have an online profile.

I want to make it abundantly clear that my personal circle is a personal choice and no amount of proximity or convenience is going to dictate who I let into my life. Do not try forcing it with me. I dislike intrusive people who waste my time and try to steamroll my free will.

No one who values you will hinder your need for quiet time for your unique mental wiring/pretend they don't already know you guard some segments of your life or try to impose their values on you when it doesn't fit your unique medical disability needs, careful with your circle.

Nothing coerced or forced or coerced is well-meaning. Hidden agendas always get exposed.

Leaving behind fake and one-sided draining connections has helped me build a life of pure bliss and peace so I choose quality over quantity. I also don't have time for everyone and everything and I make no apologies for my disability-related time constraints. Those who expect you to have time for everyone or everything need to keep their delusions to themselves because that's unrealistic and again we should not apologize for having a busy schedule. Those kinds of people put undue pressure on others and they are the ones who are selfish because they're trying to impose and take.

In this post, I am referring to personal friendships and my personal life, I'm not referring to business associates and business relationships (that are built during business hours strictly because my wellness is what my personal time is reserved for - those without severe disabilities don't have to understand that concept).  

You become selective when you don't need anyone outside of you to validate your existence. And when you have a time limiting disability to manage on top of multiple jobs.

A lot of people try to put the labels on people like “friends” prematurely so they can be easier to take advantage of. When you have standards, you repel human parasites. People who want to eat your harvest without doing the work or want your time without bringing you peace: no.

I wasn't put on this planet to breach my boundaries, my standards, and carry one-sided people on my back while they bring nothing but draining me to the table.

I will also not tolerate fakers who try to impose themselves on me as if that was "kind" when eroding free will and basic autonomy is disrespectful, sleazy, and a little haterish as genuine people don't try to over-ride boundaries or view/paint boundaries in a negative light and they won't be caught trying to get in your way or make your daily life more difficult (true kindness respects cues and doesn't impose).

People who go into something trying to use someone else don't realize that they actually have to be of value and bring something to the table - at least uplifting energy? These bloodsuckers think that they're entitled to people's energy, attention, and time and they are wrong.

Imagine trying to force yourself onto the life of someone that has a multiple roles and a disability and try to make demands within five minutes of meeting them while you have nothing to offer but clearly being a labour-intensive "connection" I can absolutely live without?

Those types will try to force themselves onto others all because they want something, but it's just to be an energy vampire and they have no regard for your time, energy, and attention. But you're the "cold" one for having boundaries and a strict schedule? Not user-friendly.

I work enough already, and I'm not looking for people in my life who are creating more work for me in any way, shape, or form which makes me "not a good target" for moochers and leeches. If my brand deals are equally reciprocal, it is the same expectation in my personal life.

They want to siphon your motivation, but are they inspiring you? They want to latch onto others, but not do the inner work?

Not needing to be "out" 24/7 isn't a character defect, you can be healthy and happy while absolutely loving a tiny small circle and loving reading, studying, and working multiple lanes: life is better for those who mind their business.

The right people will resonate with the "how" and "where" of your brand and mine is online. I guard my zones of privacy otherwise and my expertise has a cost of access. 💯

Wanting more from life, whether that's health or getting better in your sport is going to make you make sure that you don't have your time wasted and one way to do so is to be careful who you let around you. A lot of people just want to be entertained and want to drain you, but give you nothing - not even good energy as they're not looking to grow in any manner, they're not doing sh*t so they don't even value their own time.

I am not a clown or a host for any leech, I expect to be motivated as much as I do any motivating.

I will take any label before I take anyone in my life who does not value my time (mutual respect).

What I liked about Forbes and Adobe is that their method of work was in alignment with mine and worked perfectly alongside my main lane without me having to make any adjustments to the deal. That's the alignment I'm also looking in my personal life, beyond minor explanations: no. 

People may share resources from a place of overflow within a reason when mutually feasible, but it's not someone else's job to get anybody where they need to be. It's their own job and that's why I don't mix with people who are not self-motivated in my own circle. It's just not a vibe.

You don't have to feel bad for not allowing the wrong people to feed off of your energy because they should be bringing something to the table as well. Otherwise, who is replenishing your energy? How is that an equal exchange? Absolutely no draining allowed in my world.

Oh, it's not about "things" in common. It's about values in common and being headed in similar directions in life and obviously, whether or not they are self-motivated because I'm not a host for anyone who isn't naturally self-driven. I am not going to be slowed down and dragged down for people who can't even be resourceful with the basics.

The same mindset matters and emotional connection matters, but to be expected to be a host for a leech who can't use their own brain? At that point, I charge for consulting! I am not looking for a consulting job - friendships should be mutual mindsets, inspiration, and mutual motivation, not being slowed down and given additional work in disguise for constant business or fitness advice that drags me back into "work" mode on my unpaid time off, for instance. No thanks! I have a focus issue and I don't tolerate pollution on my time to disconnect.

I am not desperate for anyone's good opinion or acceptance. I don't mess with labour-intensive connections. Go find someone else to use though. If you don't know how to do something, Google it.

The knowledge I do share is either on my blog or packaged up in a digital product. I expect my energy replenished in the form of currency. I don't spend my time entertaining parasites when I should be creating products for those who willing to pay for them. 

I also don't really care what's going to "pay off later" or anything like that when it comes to people toying with the concept of connections to use others for their personal gain and destroy their time in the process, I don't work or live for speculative ROI, I manage my time and energy budget accordingly to a severe disability, which is why I don't have the time or energy for just anybody.

It's not about "things" in common. It's values.

Superficial aesthetics and "things" in common are not enough because if they're users - your morals are not aligned! Using people under any guise is poor treatment. Having boundaries is self-protection, not poor treatment, but users will twist the narrative to manipulate you to take on more than your fair share, while not pulling their weight in the two-way street equation. 

Your circle should have the same mindset as you - if they don't, you're going to be dragged down by those who need a "motivator" or "teacher" while you get slowed down and feel used. Self-driven people don't play like that.

We are not looking for labour-intensive things on our very rare time off (mental switch-off) so we are very careful we spend that time with. I don't go anywhere near anyone who tries to use me for free consulting at the expense of my "brain shut off time" with a severe disability. I find that super sneaky. 

I don’t have spare time as it is, with only six days to live instead of seven due to an all-day ADHD crash. So, why would I waste my time on superficial, fake friendships? I seek loyalty and depth, and I don’t invest my heart in anything that lacks authenticity.

Unless it's a long-term investment, I expect energetic ROI from the jump for both parties. That's why I'm not going to be easy to manipulate by fake friends or intruders. I only want dealings with pure hearts and people who would never dare to use others or try push them around for their agenda. And people who are upfront.

Not everyone understands the expectation of reciprocity at least energetically in personal friendships and I am getting too old to explain this - I don't mind people thinking that I think I'm "better than" because I'm selective, I'd rather be judged than waste my time.

Some people only reach out to their friends when they need something, but they'll never check up on you regularly and those also the types of people that I stay away from. 

Some people only want you to nurse them back to health if they're going through a break up, but they will drop you right after. Those people are not your friends.   

I could go on and on about the different categories of users, manipulators, and leeches, but I will leave it at that.  

Self-abandonment is neglecting your own needs in favour of others, especially when it comes to things only you can do for yourself. A true friend would never encourage you to prioritise them over yourself, because they can't sleep, eat well, or exercise on your behalf. If you need a certain amount of quiet time to function and recharge, they should respect that, even if it means you don’t have time for everyone.

 A genuine person wouldn’t try to force their way into your life under the guise of "we’re happier in groups," especially when it’s clear that the gym is a space where you go to relax and recharge - it's actually quiet time for many people and it's just a matter of reading the room and going to group classes if you're looking for social time.

Some being happier in community doesn't mean that we don't get to decide who that is and where that is and that we don't get to let it happen naturally, and that we are going to tolerate people forcing their way into our lives like if we are supposed to accept that type of intrusion with a smile. I'm actually very happy with the very small circle of carefully chosen people. I happen to be happier with a smaller circle than most so not every piece of conventional wisdom applies to introverted people who may be outgoing, but are still very introverted. 

I also discussed my ADHD with actual experts and not random people who think that they're a doctor. Telling me to go on mushrooms or drink wheatgrass? I can't.

I don't have the energy or the logistics for a massive so-called community. I'm happy with a small circle. We don't live in tribes anymore because it's 2024 and we don't need too many people, we need high-quality.

I am not going to let anybody run up in my life and tell me who I am. That's wasted time I'm never going to get back.

That’s not someone being genuine—it’s someone being a user. They're attempting to push their way in after you've already said you're busy, which is quite off-putting and demonstrates control issues. This is the kind of person that promotes self-sacrifice and blindly following the values of others at your own expense and does not care about your well-being and is invalidating your mental wiring, which is quite disgusting and not something I tolerate with a severe disability and no time to waste.

Some may view this as self-centered, but they misunderstand the term. Being self-centered means placing yourself at the centre of others' lives, expecting them to prioritise you over their own responsibilities, and disregarding their limits on time and energy. Self-sacrifice is neither noble nor an authentic way to connect with the right people, and you have the right to say no, even when intentions are good.

Me agreeing that we are happier in communities when I'm actually an introvert is false and that would be betraying my actual needs for a lot of quiet time and a very small circle. 

And even if that were true, we get to decide who what where when. My schedule doesn't stop running on time because someone tries to impose themselves on me.

Here's something everyone should know about me: I trust my intuition and the Holy Spirit when it comes to deciding who I allow into my life. So don’t come to me telling me about a community, group, or what supposedly makes us happier. We’re not happier with anything we didn’t choose for ourselves. I don’t need fake friendships wasting my time. If we don’t resonate, that’s fine—I’m happy by myself, with a small circle of trusted people and a few family members. Just because others thrive in large groups or communities doesn’t mean I do. I’m highly self-reliant, and in 2024, we don’t need tribes like we used to. I rely on myself for motivation and don’t need many people around me.

I won’t let anyone piggyback on me and drag me down. If I’m progressing in my sports, business, or any other area, I’m not going to slow down for someone who’s trying to latch on instead of putting in the effort themselves like I did. I need people in my life who motivate me, not hold me back. I need to be replenished and motivated for a change. I'm not doing all of the work in any relationship.

There are some haters disguised as friends that will watch you do all of the work in the relationship and still say that you're not good at building relationships, it's quite wild and fake. It's a way for them to get more out of you. 

Poor treatment is when someone is trying to use someone else instead of actually respecting them for who they are. I prefer depth rather than shallowness, which is why I don't thrive in large communities at all, I thrive in a very small circle.

Some people are not looking for connections, they are looking for people to use, and they want to use the title of connection or friend to justify their encroachment and their siphoning of your energy. My energy is currency and I don't just sprinkle it on everybody thoughtlessly. I don't want anything tangible in return necessarily, but I do expect my energy recharged and replenished and so I can't be friends with people who drain my energy. 

I can't be around people who don't motivate me or have nothing to teach me for a change. I'm not doing all the teaching anymore. If you're wasting your energy on things you don't need, you're not going to have any energy for the things you do need! Be cautious of people who don’t uplift or motivate you, yet feel entitled to your hard-earned knowledge and wisdom without bringing any positive energy or value (let alone the fact that genuine people ask for pricing and connecting with prospects isn't through free consulting when you have ADHD and do not work 1:1, period).

You don't owe them anything just because you’ve achieved something. There's no need to apologize for the mental strength you've built, especially to those who are takers without ever offering anything in return. I refuse to dim my light for people I don’t connect with or share values with, especially those who only seek to use me. They have no problem taking and leaving me drained, without offering encouragement or support—even though that's a basic expectation. Why should I be responsible for uplifting others who give nothing back? It's like a highly driven person constantly helping delinquent people with no benefit to themselves (not even positive energy), knowing they'll never receive anything in return. It’s a waste of time and resources that could be better spent on something more positive and productive.

It doesn't matter what the future pay off may be if it runs you into the ground now, mutually uplifting connections are rooted in authenticity and not additional labour. I loved working with Adobe and Forbes as it respected both "now" and "later" goals and had replenishment built-in. When you have only a few hours per week for a business, you need to skip the nonsense and go for deals that are equally reciprocal beyond just promises. You need to show up 1-to-many as 1-on-1 does not work.

Why does the speculative ROI matter if you don't have the energy in your now-budget?

Your CURRENT commitments being done well is how you build your future. Speculative ROI is a tool of exploiters. You can't do everything and you can't know everyone. 

If somebody doesn't like that you operate your business as a business, they can go play Pokémon and Tetris with someone else. I am too transactional for the daycare children who believe that people actually put in work expecting no rewards or ROI.

This is a tactic of labour-intensive connections that likely can't reciprocate. Get the terms in writing in such a case because you'll otherwise end up neglecting baseline operations in favour of some connection when you do realize that mutually respectful ones actually exist if you don't waste your time on takers who think you don't have existing obligations that this nonsense has no business distracting you from?

Whatever parasite who thinks they can burden and try to extract from the business of a person with a disability that has limited working hours, you're the one with the empathy problem because I'm just managing my time properly. I focus on actual deals and actual clients, not time-wasters.

Not having to deal with one-sided sabotaging jealous and fake and flaky people who think I have unlimited time at their convenience has made my life extremely peaceful and frankly, I don't bother with a lot of people for these reasons. A lot of sick people will try to get close to you despite disliking you so that they can find exactly where to hit you and hit you where it hurts and I can expand on this in a future blog post but trust me when I say, someone offering me a friendship it doesn't mean I have to accept it and the fact that anybody believes I have unlimited time for everybody is already insulting my intelligence.

Please stay away from people with multiple jobs and a severe disability who only have six days a week instead of seven to live their lives if you think that that person it's going to have a lot of time to begin with. Steer clear of me if you need constant attention as well, I don't play that game. 

Oh, and if you're going to cause me anything that resembles work on my personal time, regardless of how much I love my job and my business, steer clear from me. You can get your free fitness advice from Google. If I offer my family or very close friends something for free, it's from my own volition, but it's never going to be because anybody is making demands on me. 👏

If you don't spend enough time, devoted to self-care and managing your mind, you're not going to be aware of the signs that your body needs rest and who has years to recover from burnout? Speculative ROI that isn't equally reciprocal from the jump, aside from charity work, doesn't fit my life and business model personally: what pays off now will absolutely pay off later and all of the deals I have preferred collaborating with have been mutually reciprocal from the jump so why would I settle for less? You can't outsource sleep, nutrition, and exercise. Guard your health, you don't owe anyone your health.

The good thing is, I wasn't put on this planet to make sense to anybody. And the more I have to explain myself to certain people, the less I see compatibility because the right people are going to resonate properly and very organically. 

Chase purpose and the RIGHT people will find you.

I have a very strong foundation within myself and I have a lot of work to do that. It needs a lot of solitude.

I have an impeccable health team, and I have very few friends/family that deserve their place in my life, so trust me when I say I don't need to run in packs to feel confident and happy. It's quality over quantity. I rather be "odd" or "weird" for a small circle than be used.

I'm not a codependent person, and I don't trust people that have too many friends anyway because I feel like they end up being the biggest bullies/snakes. 

I'm at a point in my life where I'm perfectly content with having very few people around. To be completely honest, that's a strong and empowering place to be. So believe me when I say I won't tolerate even the slightest distraction or extra burden during my time off—especially from so-called friends who bring work into my mind when I'm trying to disconnect, or from those who think they can come and go from my life as they please to use me. Trust me, I don't need you. I am whole on my own, genuine people are good extras (icing), not the cake.

Again...

I don't know if I'm the only one, but I just feel like too many friends takes too much time and at this point in my life I just don't have the energy and there's nothing wrong with having a small circle especially if you're able to nurture everyone in it properly.

Anyone who pushes you to be vulnerable too soon may have ulterior motives because you should be the one choosing ***your*** friends. Just because someone offers you friendship doesn’t mean you have to accept it—always trust your intuition. You should be the one assessing and vetting people, not acting out of desperation. Never settle simply because you fear being alone; you should be comfortable with or without others in your life.

People without agendas allow friendships to develop naturally. They won’t force themselves into your life, unlike those with ulterior motives who tend to rush things and push for control. There's a clear difference between genuinely showing interest in a friendship and being overly pushy—it’s not organic or natural when it feels forced.

I’m not interested in people trying to get free advice, piggybacking off my efforts, wasting my time, or subtly belittling me while asking intrusive questions right off the bat. It drains my energy, especially when there’s no mutual motivation. So, I’m not going to listen to anyone who thinks it’s strange that I prefer a small, tight-knit circle over a large social network or community when it comes to my personal life, business is a lot different but it's all done online anyway. I’ve experienced being used and ganged up on, and I know most people don’t bring what I need to the table. I’m clear on what I want and need, and if I have one or two close friends and a few trustworthy family members, that’s enough for me. I don’t care if it makes me seem weird or antisocial, or if others think I’m missing out, because my fulfilment comes from within and from pursuing my passions—not from chasing after people. Everyone’s different, so it’s best to accept that and move on. 💯

A true friend who genuinely cares about your well-being will respect the quiet time (alone time) you need to maintain it. The rest who do not respect the limits of your availability deserve nothing from you. 👏👏👏

They won’t force themselves into your life or take advantage of you because they equally value your time and energy. People like that are rare.

You won’t find me chasing friendships just to meet society’s unrealistic (and codependent) expectations at the expense of my time for health maintenance and working on my goals, especially when I don't need a large circle of friends to feel fulfilled. I don’t have the luxury of spare time with a disability, and I make no apologies for prioritizing quality over quantity in my few high-quality personal-life relationships.

Many people measure friendships by how often they meet, but that’s not realistic when you’re juggling multiple jobs and managing a disability. I refuse to waste time on clingy nonsense, and that’s why I don’t fit in with many people—something I’m perfectly content with. I’m proud of who I am, and I don’t need anyone’s approval.

I don't think it's poor treatment when you refuse to overextend yourself for people who are one-sided (it's boundaries), I think it's poor treatment to go into something with the intent of using a person (not being upfront about it and not making it a fair exchange like a leech).

If they haven't worked on themselves to the level where they can contribute genuine motivation, and inspiration to your life, then they are not on your level and you do not have to apologize for refusing to dim your light and hold yourself back for people who refuse to level themselves up and get on your level. You worked way too hard to be slowed down!

Some people will call you arrogant for not bowing down to their outdated dogma and that's OK. Those are not your people.

I'm so happy with a few friends and family and my own company that trust me when I say, I'm not desperate for random connections and people who throw themselves at me get cut off immediately.

Onto being my snobby, arrogant, and stuck-up self who knows that not everyone is safe to deal with (some hate any type of boundary) and not everyone will respect my energy - so I am careful. And anyone who thinks I should be vulnerable and naïve is obviously showing me that they are not for me so why would I want validation from people like that?

Evil would be harming others or wishing ill without remorse, being a wise steward of your resources and guarding the fences around your wellness and quiet space that render you able to function in terms of providing for yourself and focusing: that's basic personal responsibility.

Protecting your heart and your space is not evil, trying to use other people and force your way into their life is actually my definition of demonic.

My unapologetic, yet loving when warranted, authenticity, has done nothing but strengthen genuine bonds and thankfully repelled the parasites and farm animals.

Why would anyone expect someone they see as an equal, with dignity and rights, to invest in something without both parties being uplifted? And would the person who doesn’t care whether you gain anything in return do the same for you? This post isn’t about charitable giving and random acts of kindness; it’s about reciprocal relationships (that are expected to not deplete me) in my personal life.

It is possible to be content without having bouncing off the walls enthusiasm 24 / 7. You can be quiet and content at the same time. You're not anybody's entertainer, and protecting your energy comes first. Preserve that energy for the people in your inner circle first.

Being kind to the wrong people can leave you sitting on a ticking time bomb of emotional burnout. They will invade your personal recharge time, draining the peace and quiet you need as an introvert with ADHD. In the end, you'll be the one feeling depleted, drained, and used. Choose kindness, not niceness.

It's not always about getting a tangible return on investment, but rather about receiving appreciation and an energetic exchange for the time and sacrifices you make, especially for the real estate on your schedule, for those in your life. If they're not offering some form of energetic return, you'll eventually feel drained and depleted, which is unacceptable. The relationship must be reciprocal.

When you're focused on winning, you're not going to let random distractions interfere with your designated personal downtime or shift your attention back to work when it's supposed to be your time to recharge. Frankly, you have no interest in people who try to invade your space for their own gain, especially when they're being pushy and overstepping boundaries. They should explore free resources instead of pretending to be “friends” just to extract wisdom or knowledge they could easily find online without intruding on someone's personal time off for mentally recharging to show up *fully* for their craft and business when back on.

Someone who wants you to achieve your goals and be healthy mentally and physically is not going to try to run your business dry. Business is a mutual exchange of value for currency (unless you otherwise offer). That's not a friend, that's a parasite.

If you believe *anyone* owes you their knowledge or expertise without compensation, you'll remain a poor mindset, annoying, and entitled individual. I worked for my knowledge so it gets charged for. #initforthemoney

And to be very frank, I have never met a gym or home intruder that I like because they clearly cannot read the room. Those are not places I go to for socializing or making friends, I go there to relax, so don't try that with me. And if you're the one trying to get something from me because - clearly I'm not the one in initiating that connection, you should come correct.

Maintaining your business and opportunities when you have a disability requires prioritising the quality of your network over quantity, as much of your energy goes toward maintaining your baseline health and cognitive function. 💯

This is something to accept, not lament, as everyone has limits to their mental energy. If you're not protecting your time, you won't be able to think clearly, discern the right people and opportunities, or nurture your existing relationships and ventures. In fact, properly nurturing what’s already in front of you is what guarantees your future. By focusing on what truly matters, you avoid scattering your energy on speculative returns, which is often a misguided effort. You don’t need a disability to be strict about how you spend your precious time on this earth. 

Standoffishness is protection from takers and clingy lurkers who are looking for a “host” for their parasite-ism. I said what I said. My circle is under my jurisdiction, this is basic autonomy and dignity. Some take a mile when you give an inch, it’s not worth the risk. 💯

Consideration simply means not repaying idiocy with equal stupidity or meanness, but it does not mean acquiescing. It also doesn't mean spending energy that you don't have because that's kind of silly. It isn't logistically possible to know everyone, network with everyone, or do everything. The exploiters don't pay your bills, nor are they responsible for protecting your disability/future: they just want to take something from you and your schedule in life isn't their concern.   

Part of that burnout was faking being an extrovert before data showed I am an ambivert who can form deep connections but with introverted needs for a lot of quiet and peaceful alone time to balance out. Emotional overwhelm and constant overstimulation was part of it.

Introverts need alone time to recharge and it's not something I'm going to be explaining to grown adults (this is for our mental processing). This is why we choose our circle wisely. We get to decide which segment of our lives belong to which purpose. If you think you can decide for us, you have control issues.

What's actually meant to be in your life will fit the limits of your disability, energy and schedule restraints so you're not missing anything by having sky-high spam filters.

I think control-freaks despise me because I do not want their approval or validation and I am not desperate to connect with whoever at the expense of my instincts or self-respect so they likely have incentive to paint me out to be difficult or what not and I am fine with it.

The idea that you’re not fully experiencing life unless you have a massive social circle, or constantly attend gatherings, is strange to me. First of all, I’m neurodivergent, and second, I’m not at my best if I haven’t slept well. For me to function, I need to dedicate a lot of time to basic self-care, so it makes sense that I maintain a small circle. I also prioritise building a network that can handle business through email rather than in-person meetings.

When it comes to my ADHD struggles, I prefer to consult actual experts. As much as I love my friends and family, they aren’t qualified professionals, and I don’t want to waste time discussing my challenges with them when I could be working with someone who can offer real solutions. That’s another reason I keep my circle small—I'm an internal processor. I tend to journal or exercise to process my emotions because they’re often trapped energy. I don’t seek people out to vent my problems; instead, the friends and family I keep close are fun to be around, loving, and supportive, but that’s not what I primarily need from them as I get older.

I don't evaluate bonds based on how often I see people, it's about the emotional connection and staying in touch. I don't tolerate unrealistic stress levels on my schedule when I already lose a full day a week to crash out with my ADHD. On top of that, I choose to provide for myself, so I'm not going to be explaining my schedule constraints to anyone who is not an integral part of my actual life.  

The bond is actually not very strong at all if you constantly have to be in their face. CLINGY IS A NIGHTMARE FOR INTROVERTS!

Only you live with the consequences of not being a wise steward of your limited time and energy and spending it where it doesn't belong means you can't spend it where it should be spent when you actually need it for the correct things. 👏

SOLO gym time for introverted internal processors who journal is not only normal but an oxygen mask, to qualify to be in my life, this has to be respected as sacred. I work alongside a disability and I don’t tolerate bullshit encroaching on my health from non-dependents.

Minimalist sounds better than stuck-up, but I’ll take both. Those I have been there for countless times did not bring the same value to my life. I have begun to focus on *quality*of people, I don’t tolerate groups of fake “friends” who are energy, knowledge, and time-suckers.  

I think that many want lots of people around just for the sake of it, but they're not evaluating whether those relationships are actually balanced and healthy (adding more than it is subtracting or draining) and that's the issue with going for quantity. I don't do that no more.

I am happier with a smaller circle. If I know myself and what I require to be happy, I do not give a rat’s behind what the extroverts want to push as a narrative or a measure of happiness or energy. There’s a vetting process in place for my life and it’s not a free for all.

Setting normal non-negotiable boundaries is a healthy and necessary aspect of human well-being. It doesn't involve ill intentions, wishing bad on others, etc. 

My lifelong friendships are people in different industries as me, but we all have the same mindset and we are very self-driven (motivation from within). Things in common is not enough for me. Proximity is not enough for me, I need to feel a spiritual and an emotional connection.

Being your fullest expression magnetized what’s for you and who honours you for who you are (rather than the benefits of knowing you because at this age and with a time-consuming health condition, I do not tolerate leeches). Self-preservation over f*ckery.

Those who respect you will enhance your well-being by valuing your time and honouring the limits of your availability (even if there is none). In contrast, pushy individuals are often driven by self-interest, disregarding your full schedule or existing commitments, as their demanding nature and exploitative tendencies govern their actions (they want to be central in the lives of people they just met or don’t know, sounds delusional).

I think if proximity was the only criteria for a social connection, a lot of people would end up in various places in their life that are not desirable. You will know them by their fruit.

People with disabilities need religious adherence to health routines and those allowed in their lives give them the space around those segments of their life. Wellness-affirming people encourage your space around that sphere of your life - even if it means being unavailable for additional “friends” aka takers because real ones encourage you to put health first without any hesitation or desire to take more than they have to offer. I AM NOT A FIT FOR TAKERS. 

You can't allow just anyone into your personal space without discernment—don’t be naive.

One clear sign of control-freak behaviour: you’ll be disqualified from the vetting process because I don’t tolerate control tactics in my real life.

Even the smallest pushy move or excessive nosiness right from the start gets noted as a red flag. When forceful people try to get too close, too fast, I pay attention. Discernment isn’t about being judgemental, but I have no problem being labelled the villain for exercising my basic, dignified right to autonomy over who I let into my life. And if it's in a segment of my life deemed unavailable, I am protecting my mental health and missing out on nothing as alignment precedes survival and managing existing commitments. 

If it doesn't fit the segments of your life where you're actually available, it probably means you don't have time for it. 

That's part of life.

Curiosity is genuine, phishing for information like an interrogator is a dead-giveaway to signs of an agenda and jealousy.

I don't owe anyone my non-existent spare time between multiple lanes and a time-consuming disability, so if you're intruding on my spa/gym or home time: get out. If I want more friends, I'll find them.

The secret ingredient to not having burned out in two years is to live like I'm still in recovery mode (sort of am sometimes) and it takes a ton of work and effort to manage my schedule accordingly, but worth it. I don’t pretend to have an error margin around my health.

One-sided is when you improve their life, but they don't improve yours even by their mere presence so it's actually not selfish to refuse intertwining yourself with that, it's called self-preservation when you already have enough on your plate. I don't have time for fake people.

No one has any right to bulldoze or knock over your cup before you can fill it. No one can sleep, exercise, or eat well on your behalf and a disability has requirements for basic function (not optimal, just survival). I am aware of the sacrifices required for multiple lanes.

Many don't understand how long it takes to heal trauma so trust me when I say that I'm extremely careful with who I allow into my gated personal life, I have no spare time at the onset, and in business: I deal only with a certain type of brand deal that comes correct and aligns.

Valuing a person is shown through the action of respecting their boundaries. Trying to use them for your personal gain at their expense or burden them is the definition of annihilating their ability to manage their prior commitments and needs for which they are responsible first.

A self-motivated person tends to do almost everything for themselves, making it challenging to enter their life if you have an agenda. They're unlikely to want or need anything from you, meaning they're the ones who ultimately decide whether to engage or not.

Outside of multiple lanes, I don't have time for many. Oh well.

It's a two-way street with me. And I don't make apologies for owning my mental energy limits.

I choose who “gets” to know me personally, in case that’s unclear.

There's no relationship on this planet that's going to come before my relationship with myself. If you're not my child or my dependent, then what makes you believe that you come before my health? I'm not arrogant, I have structure and order around my disability care plan.

Boundaries uncover Jezebels and opportunists. They are not interested in your wellness (mutual care for time and wellness), they want to benefit off of you and they will criticize the shade of red that you're bleeding once they're done using you. That's why my circle is closed.

My side-hustle is run strictly away from my gym time and on its own time I don't even work on my business on my phone anymore and I do not film my workouts, I have a health condition and being an entertainer didn't help it. I guard my health with bouncers. 

When it comes to the skills that utilize in my side-hustle/my knowledge, what you're going to gain for me by knowing me personally is zero as there's no squandering my limited brain power. My wisdom aside from blog posts is behind a pay wall of digital products. I don't work 1:1.

Anytime I have wanted to purchase something and I couldn't afford it, I just worked harder or I saved up for it. You should treat the businesses of the people you know the same way that you treat pumping gas, going to the grocery store or buying clothes, you pay for it.

If you're not willing to invest in the knowledge that someone gained through school/personal investment, you're better off using free blog posts or Google. If you think that you can take their limited work hours away from creating paid digital solutions for genuine clients: no.

If I work online - not 1 on 1, what makes a random think I'm going to hand-hold them if I don't even do that for my digital product paying and genuine clients who only get email access? I don't offer hand-holding even as a paid service! It's digital products aka plans and knowledge.

Your business structure should support your lifestyle because you can't spend brain power or energy that you don't have regardless of future ROI and those of us who cannot switch brain-context easily have to do everything over email. It's no less caring/mutually uplifting though.

I don't hustle for no reward, I already have one charity. I expect replenishment for my value.

I know this may seem short-sighted, but my energy replenishment is what is required for me to function. I am also not capable of building genuine bonds with people who don't respect my time and personal agency/boundaries and frankly, I'm not interested in doing so. We have to have mutual common values.

If your current commitments and projects are not fulfilled correctly, why exactly are you taking on more? That's why I have to keep my network fairly manageable because otherwise, I'm not showing up with mental presence any anyway so there's no point.

And people who try to count your money for you are just trying to make you ashamed for knowing your worth and accumulating earned-value for the charities of your choice and your future.

Unless you offer anything but the standard, a so-called friend will pay full price because if they don't, they are not for you - they're trying to use the relationship as it means to exploit and take advantage. That's absolutely disgusting, why would you want that in your life?

***All you have to do is respect and appreciate free content if paid solutions don't work for you, see how this doesn't require attempted theft and is mutually respectful? I don't let anyone with ulterior motives near my business to whom I didn't offer a freebee on my own accord.***

I don't un-see sick and twisted colours, the very attempt to take advantage of others or myself at their weakest when visibly overburdened puts you on my "steer clear and protect yourself from this potential threat to your self-respect or health" list and I move accordingly.

"Free advice" is on blog posts, but it attracts thieves and demons if it's a client acquisition strategy, not interested in polluting my life.

I don't tolerate added layers of un-necessary mental clutter. 

No one has unlimited logistics.

If I drop wisdom here and there in personal conversations with people that I trust, that's on me, but I don't let people into my circle who think they can just use and abuse the skills I worked hard to gain.

I think the right people are going to respect the time that you hold sacred for your basic survival and wellness and they would not encroach in the first place. They wouldn't even try. They would read the room like grown adults.

They would be like OK cool it wasn't meant to be, and they would move on, they wouldn't try to push. Pushiness is a sign of an agenda. 

If someone is not immediately showing signs of adding peace to my life, why would I spare even a hair of time on that. Nobody owes anybody entryway into their private sphere first of all, so let's please set criteria and not explain this to grown adults.

There are actual people on this planet who want to erode and annihilate your right to preferences and choices in life for their personal gain so don't ask me why I keep a small circle. I don't think that everyone is worth the risk and that's me using clear intuitive knowing.

One ounce of affecting my logistics negatively gets a so-called "friend" removed as time is money - why would I tolerate a hair of toxicity from chaotic strangers who start hate-trains over your right to refuse closer connections due to false entitlement to due to "proximity"?

My health bubble/buffers and basic survival precedes my ability to function with ADHD > random parasites disguising themselves as "friends" when that term is defined by encouraging your space for wellness, and wanting nothing form you other than your comfort/happiness even if means less time.

If I don't sleep, exercise without interruptions, and eat properly: I can't even function, I am really ***not*** interested in a large group of friends, I may be stuck-up, but I value few friends and trustworthy family members as I respect my own logistical limits. 

Liability: interrupting, disrupting, or distracting my focused gym time when not from my household or family emergency. It's not very complicated, what doesn't add to my wellness and encourage/support peace isn't accepted into my sphere (brand deals and people alike).

Health: when you have a disability is duly rigid/inflexible, that's not an area of life to be compromising about except for dependents. There may be days where I need more sleep, never less. Gym time will always be alone time, off time will always be a zone of no notifications.

It's an empowering stance to have a closed circle and we miss out on nothing. Logistics are already limited, why not go for quality not quantity? 🩵

People who see you as a whole person will encourage your wellness, personal space, and boundaries... The rest aren't worth your time, energy, or being a factor in your life. Wish them well and raise your energetic frequency so they can see their way out of your precious life.

You can't benefit off of someone who doesn't work on their personal time, especially on their own business when they have very limited time off in addition to managing a very time-consuming health condition. Don't try it with me. Keep your loose "friend" labels to yourselves.

Why would I risk mental overstimulation to keep randoms in my life?

How to be cut off:

Bother my gym time and fail to read the room. As if I'm not a paying client making sure I'm there to manage my mental health? Read the room, please.

Fail to comprehend disabilities with ease.

Don't add peace to my life.

Fake "help" with strings attached.

Waste my time and run over areas of my life designated as private directly or otherwise.

It's the entitled acquaintances for me - the real estate on my schedule and brain is limited and I barely see family so what makes you think that you're superior to that? What makes you think that you are owed anything?

Anything that resembles work, business work, anything like this on my time off being brought on by optional yet labour-intensive responsibility-shifting and fake leech-like connections who don't innately comprehend my disability is not acceptable in my world.

I have gone through enough in life that I'm just not interested in wasting my time. I deserve the best of my life for the rest of my life and the people who bring me any less than that in terms of genuine not just forced or based on false obligation, they can't come with me.  

Another important lesson:

Clients are not your friends, personable, not personal - some will try to access you on time off and run over the cost of access.

I can do better than the liabilities and hindrances who want from me not for me with their self-serving "advice" to attempt to undermine the off-limits segments of my limited time. I don't owe anyone my schedule real estate, much less fakers and pushers of anything with strings attached.

If their energy doesn't actually raise your energetic vibration by being around them, why are you around them, though? My presence is not cheap in terms of what I require in my connections because I am done selling myself short.

Keep the demonic sick auras away from me.

If you do not have an abundance of spare time to relearn lessons, learn how to spot a jealous frenemy. Learn how to spot a hater. Learn how to spot a parasite. Learn how to spot a user/taker/time-waster/boundary-hating hindrance. Do not allow those people near your life.  

Shade covered up as a joke is always a red flag. I don't care who they are, you need to value yourself in this life because seriously, the wrong people are horrible for your mental health. I am smaller circle is much healthier.

Nonsense ends before it starts with me because I don't have the mental or emotional capacity or unnecessary stress in my life as if my plate wasn't already full enough. I screen things and people heavily, don't like it? You're likely a liability too if you want me vulnerable.

Your privacy settings in real life are also your choice. Dignified ways to connect exist - so playing 21-questions to dig up dirt is intrusion covered up as curiosity (uncovering your vulnerabilities and triggers). That's another flag of potential envy, deceit, and jealousy.

The right people respect the pace of your life, and they don't pressure you to spend more time than you have and they respect what you're able to give them and those are the only people that deserve to be in your life. Those are soul-connections, not based on physical proximity. 🩵🩵🩵

If it requires a sacrificing your boundaries, health, or your peace with a disability or otherwise, not only does whoever that's asking for whatever and not deserve an ounce of your time, they are insatiable haters in disguise who think that you require their approval to survive?

Another lesson is that I love all my clients, but I separate working hours from personal and wellness hours for my sanity. I expect those who want to work with my brand to understand that boundaries and paywalls (unless I offer otherwise) exist to repel cost-of-access bulldozers.

I try my products on focus groups so don't even try to befriend me for anything you can benefit off of my brand for, unless I offer, mind your business.

It's not trust issues.

It's self-trust and strong discernment on who to trust and who to NO.

Let no one encroach on what you signed up for in any area of life, especially that gym space.

If you value your emotional health and well-being, you're going to listen to your instincts when alarm bells go off around certain people.

Establishing boundaries won’t drive away true friends and relationships—it will simply make room for authentic connections. Focus on your well-being by surrounding yourself with people who value, respect, and genuinely support you.

Don't even get me started on the people who want to get close to you so they can get close enough to destroy you. That's a whole chapter for another day.

Holding yourself accountable to your baseline survival needs is not selfishness, it's basic self-responsibility. This is only a threat to those who cannot use, exploit, and diminish you and make you a secondary character in your own life when you should be the main character.

There are genuine bonds based on mutual respect for limits and kindness, and then there are fake bonds based on opening you up to exploitation and weaponizing the bond (bleeding you dry and eroding your right to time and energy limits). You mature when you realize the difference.

Speculative ROI is pointless if it destroys the conditions to your baseline functioning and survival. Protect current priorities first.

Scattered focus beyond capacity limits destroys ADHD so irrespective of long-term ROI, I am not a fit for labour-intensive connections not based on my existing craft and offerings. Find someone else to use. I am kind to myself first as I respect my oxygen mask requirements.

You cannot do everything and you're not responsible for that unrealistic expectation either.

Insomnia buffers take a lot of space and that's a sacrifice that I'm more than willing to make having chosen to continue working and only surrounding myself with people who respect that decision and the trade-offs that come with it.

Thinking for yourself will irk those who are easily controlled - I rather be a trend than follow trends. I'd rather set the tone and priorities for my life than follow other people's paths when my ADHD is causing me to create a unique one.

Making sure that you can provide for yourself and that you have the mental energy preserved for that is not materialistic, but let whoever think whatever because you don't owe anybody your time and energy.

Desiring the independence to depend on yourself is not materialistic. It's an oxygen mask.

There is no genuine love and connection without mutual respect so being kind to yourself first is actually going to weed out the parasites. I am not a fit for labour-intensive leeches, my health is my number one priority and oxygen mask. 

Genuine people are rare, focus only on those and edge out the energy vampires. 

I don't think that expecting reciprocity is transactional (unless someone wants to erode your right to exist as a dignified autonomous being with needs, preferences, rights, free will, and boundaries in your own life). I think that should bring something to the table. you can leave it to the takers and bulldozers to feel jilted that you don't let them exploit you.

Acting like expecting replenishment from the jump is transactional is basically the tactic of a person that wants you to feel inadequate so that they can exploit you. That's a way of them trying to make you feel like a bad person for expecting your energy to be returned to you and that it uplifted both parties like a two-way street. 

Self-care is not something we can outsource. ✅ No one can do it on our behalf, it takes time carved out away from / unavailable for other things, the right people are going to respect this ✨sacred✨ time for wellness / encourage it. Especially when you're managing a disability.

Don't negotiate the conditions to your mental health and survival, ask yourself why certain people are even allowed close enough to you to make you question the baseline of survival that only you can provide for yourself.

Anyone who tries to claim that if you cared about XYZ, you would do XYZ, is ignoring the fact that there are numerous ways to give back and different definitions of caring for the world at large. It starts with ensuring you don't set your own household on fire for takers.

You can't build emotional safety, it's there or it's not: instincts over everything.

Your privacy settings in real life and the protections around your well-being will offend the people who are takers, users, manipulators, and human leeches on two legs. That's not your problem. May the paywalls around your expertise and time off also offend the wrong ones.

Impossible people will hate you no matter what, you're not here to be the hater-whisperer, stay in energetic alignment with the ones who resonate (without explanations or personalizing boundaries).

Why would you deplete yourself to try to connect with everyone when IMHO you should be giving the best of yourself/access to you to a select few as we only have so much time to go around in the first place and no time to vet everyone properly? This is basic logic and logistics.

There's an opening and closing checklist to my every day life, structure and order ensures you never ever depend on another person for your survival, protect your craft and business via ensuring your self-care is handled first and from distractions, vet every person and deal.

Learn to identify what is a helper and what is a hindrance. 

Being extra and working for the extra doesn't bother those who mind their own. You're not responsible for anyone else's life decisions or lack of wanting to put in the work themselves, but don't let anyone latch onto your coat-tails. You built everything you have with hard work.

Your craft will magnetize the right doors for which you will not need to earn by means other than your existing business vehicles so do not feel pressured to over-function or spend time you do not have, mastery and expertise are worth a lot more than scattered focus.

Allowing the wrong people in your life or allowing re-entry from the wrong people will ruin your vibrational alignment. Boundaries aren't taking anything from anyone or "stepping on toes" as you're simply protecting what's yours to own: you own yourself. Period.

You protect your time by prescreening things, you protect your peace by vetting who is trying to get into your life to drain your energy, you protect what you're building by not allowing just anybody back in. You worked way too hard to get rid of constraining and false beliefs.

I don't think that control freaks who view other people as an extension of themselves are going to have the self-awareness and the capacity to understand why you don't want them in your life.

Don't put your baseline survival and basic functioning on the line (whether you have a mental wheelchair and traffic-control parameters for a disability or not) for someone else's personal gain as not only is it not required in healthy relationships and situations, it's idiotic because you don't get a trophy for self-sacrifice, you get health issues. Pour from overflow only.

Boundaries don't lack empathy (they simply protect us) and they demonstrate wisdom in safeguarding our energy which is not causing harm to others as the only people who have an issue with this will play the victim because they feel entitled to taking from others (they view other people as property).

On the other hand, expecting others—especially strangers—to give their time and energy indiscriminately shows a lack of empathy and consideration, as it seeks to take from them and overstep their limits without regard for the impact.

I prioritize quality over quantity and value people who don’t see themselves as superior to my self-care and personal aspirations, especially in the context of living with a time-consuming disability and losing a full crash day per week (this is having self-respect and self-compassion and refusing to allow intruders who do not comprehend disabilities with ease into my life as I don't have that kind of energy to explain myself and they're not adding value - they're draining me).

I appreciate those who support the space I need to pursue my dreams especially for financial safety, rather than pressuring me to spend time I don’t have.

The true quality in relationships comes from those who respect the time I do have and don’t try to pull me away from my goals (mutually so) as soul-ties do not depend on geography only or amount of time spent together, they are heart-based and respect that you're doing what you can.

I don't believe in fake social support and I don't believe in having too many people in my business. I don't need people to know too much about me, I like my privacy day to day, so when it comes to my problems, I'd rather talk to a therapist.

Just because some people prioritise friends or family above everything doesn't mean you have to. You can value them, but your bills must come first if you provide for yourself as an adult. You are two distinct individuals with different value systems. It’s surprising, but there are actually people who believe they should come before your ability to keep a roof over your head or pay your rent on time which is insane to me. This also extends to the time you need for sleep and rest so that you're able to support yourself, especially if you prioritise autonomy and financial stability. If that's the case, you're bound to clash with those who have an abundance of spare time.

The best thing you can actually do is be self sustaining so that you don't have to rely on loved ones to take care of you and you're actually potentially making extra at times because you are monetizing your hobbies. That's actually good. You're not a burden on anybody.

Real ones encourage you to handle the responsibilities that only you can handle and don't encroach on that space. Whether it's health or just the space that you need in order to function properly. If they have less obligations than you, they can either understand or find others with more spare time.  

We are happier when we *choose* our circle and are not bogged down by those who require draining and excessive explanations about severe disabilities requiring mental recharge time uninterrupted, and on the fact that we all need different things to be happy. 

And then I only keep a few friends in my circle, and then obviously family that has actually had a presence in my overall life (not the inconsistent or entitled ones as I don't tolerate fly in and fly out flaky people to disrupt my peace at their convenience).

When you focus on quality over quantity, you don't settle for garbage, distractions, and takers who think you "owe" them something when they should spend their own time on goals and make the same sacrifices as you instead of acting like parasites.

Someone who believes that what's yours is theirs simply because they're a friend or family member is displaying a strong sense of entitlement. They can think that way, but I don't share those values. What I've worked for belongs to me, and I choose to give from a place of overflow when I decide to.

Where were they when you were staying up late for your exams and getting the knowledge that you currently have and building from scratch? Does "friend" mean entitlement to the resources, energy, and time of another person as if they're an extension of you? Oh no, absolutely not.

I lose a full weekend day to crash out with my disability, why would I want a massive personal circle? 🤔 Based on what logistics, can we please keep it logical and realize that everyone is different and my popularity contest life phase is over? 

You cannot outsource your own wellbeing, let that sink in. And whoever doesn't pay your bills or secure your future can say whatever, as long as they stay in their hater lane all the way over there and out of the way.

Genuine souls respect and encourage you to choose your health, responsibilities, and what's required for your mental health aka choosing yourself and your sanity so you can provide for yourself because unless they're your child or dependent: they don't decide your priorities.

Trust me, the agenda-laden takers aren't worried about your wellness nor do they get to decide what your wellness requirements look like and what "normal" looks like for you. 

Anyone's reaction to a boundary (especially those who have nothing to do with your professional or personal life) that you set to protect yourself is not your issue as it’s not like you did anything to infringe on their rights by protecting your peace and preserving yourself.

I think certain people like to paint boundaries negatively to make it seem like you were doing something to negatively impact them without caring (as in harming others without remorse but boundaries are not at all the same as doing or wishing evil) which implies a lack of empathy, but the real lack of empathy is with the one trying to breach your free will and right to choices as you're not even responsible for them in the first place if they're not your child or dependent.

Keeping a regimented health, sleep, and nutrition routine requires a lot of (flexible) order and structure so it's not that we are not open to new experiences, we don't have the time for many of them and we don't go with the flow with the lack of error margin we live with.

If the people in your life cannot work around your basic health regimens with a severe disability, I don't think they have a place in your life.

Having less of yourself to give and go around is part of the sacrifice that goes into it. I've come to accept the rigidity of my health routines as a survival requirement and it's no longer optional. I thought that I could have more flexibility around these routines and I was proven wrong.

I don't have time to play around and risk my health.

The subtle dimming of your light by those who want to keep you small can't be ignored. Don't let boundary-haters in your circle, don't let those who undermine your choice to refuse their unwanted connection near you, and don't let ambition-haters in either. Why would you invite that into your space?

How would someone be able to work with a severe disability (who cannot refocus after an interruption of any length) if their time was not rigidly planned or structured? Only those who pay my bills aka me can be bothered about how I manage my focus, health, and time limits.

Someone that tries to force nonexistent time is an actual hater. That's an energy vampire.

They are quite literally undermining your right to set your own priorities in your life and the existence of boundaries, likes, dislikes, and a busy schedule in general: run.

Ask yourself what you're even responsible for to begin before you accept or tolerate un-necessary burdens at the expense of your bare minimal survival based mental peace and recharge time for calibration when cognitive impairments are the nature of your disability.  👏👏👏

Whether the severity of my disability is clear or not doesn't concern me, I simply don't cross oceans for anyone who won't jump puddles and that's what a small circle protects me from. I am not user-friendly. There are gates and admission criteria to pass through.

I am too busy for pointless bullshit.

The right friends aren't using you for your energy, motivation, or knowledge - they fully respect your availability limits, they don't invade your space, act like a leech, or try to hijack your energy, they respect you as an actual person with limits, not a tool for their gain.

People who do everything for themselves have very specific criteria for what they want around them. In my close circle, I need spiritual and emotional connection. I don't care for superficial ties, convenience based ties, or proximity based ties.

What and who I allocate my energy to is a conscious decision, many people allow their energy to be consumed and wonder why they're drained. Guard your energy from energetic vampires and demons who don't view you as a person but as a tool to be used to fuel their thirst for power.

Self-preservation and self-protection isn't stuck-up - because who will protect your energy, space, and peace with a time-limiting disability if you don't? But I am fine with being perceived any which way that makes entitled people feel better about their taker-tendencies.

Lastly...

I typically "process" things on my own and tell loved ones and close people after and they fully "get" it and all I need is their offer to be there and that alone makes me feel protected and loved. My self-reliance isn't a reflection of anyone else and I love people who get it!

Those who understand the constraints of losing a full crash day per week due to a disability are the only ones I allow in my life (there is no substitute for physiological sleep). People who don't come with pressure and agendas. 🩵