It Took A Lot

Not one iota of my self-worth depends on how anyone chooses to view the decisions I made around who gets to stay in my life and who does not, we have to prioritize our own mental wellness and I had my reasons. But trying to snake their way back in is beyond intrusive.

And based on recent events and a combination of f***ery leading up to this post, I made the right decisions and this all confirmed why I wanted to 100% provide for myself, secure my livelihood, secure my ability to self-sustain as best as I can so I never have to depend on people who - while they did a lot for me - switched up on me when I healed and nothing I did was ever enough, yet I literally worked full-time while studying full-time as I had no one to depend on that much anyway.

I did not pause to "process" anything before now so I almost threw up just connecting the dots, but this 100% hammers the door shut with bricks and bouncers because there's no more being on the fence. "Trust yourself" plays a huge part and there's nothing more vile to me than violating my privacy and having it be enabled through fabricated smear campaigns.

Zen is another type of strength especially in circumstances carefully designed to take you down.

Once again, it did the opposite.

I cried, I threw up, then I channelled my inner gangster and went to lift some weights to make it f*ing clear that no one can crush my spirit.

Who the heck has the energy and time to hijack my phone, take control of my keyboard and camera and mess with my accounts? That's not care and concern, that's possession, control, and inability to take a loss and frankly. I have software confirming the extent of the hacking.

They used spyware, but I bought counter-protective software right on time to block them from every angle.

These dummies straight up deleted some blog posts, cancelled some of my bill payments, took over some of my home cameras via WIFI, I obviously change my passwords often now. But it's interesting to learn all their tricks so as to have safety protocols in place.

I don't think that anybody who tries to taint other people's opinion of you and betray you on such a deep level has any care and concern for you, there was an agenda attached to this, and it was not for my good. More confirmation that those endings of past relationships were needed.

For those of them that didn't necessarily do anything wrong, maybe they were just inconsistent throughout my life (fly in fly out as they pleased and that's not healthy either), and they never established their rightful place permanently (except when it was convenient for them) so I have the right to prioritize my own convenience now.

They do just enough to make it barely legal, but they won't necessarily do more than that because they don't want to go to jail so they will try to tip toe on the fine line and make you completely crazy trying to figure it out but I'm pleased to say that it didn't work.

It is kind of unfortunate that there is evil in the world, and we can't just be stupid and pretend that it doesn't exist, we have to proactively protect ourselves, while also not playing into their hands by giving them the reaction that they want.

It is also important to understand that someone does not have to be a bad person with a bad heart for you to need protection from them, it could just simply not be a match or be misaligned or be unhealthy for you, and that's perfectly OK.

There was a nice little selection of people who came at me with such intensity and tried to ask very pointed questions and would not back up off of me over an entire year, and it didn't make sense, and they were looking for specific information. What's unacceptable is to try to pry your way into someone's life and hire third parties to get information, I just did not want to think level of privacy invasion (personal monitoring) this was real. I wasn't capturing dates and times for oddities because I was just too busy trying to live my life and hustle, but my intuition guided me away from connecting with certain persistent people (strangers) from various angles of my life, and I could not be more grateful.

If they were a genuine fan and a genuine person, they would not have come at me during the times in my life there are designated as private with such intensity unless they wanted something and asked such pointed questions that were so scripted... 

Do I need therapy for choosing to remove myself from people that were not healthy for me any longer (on some level) and trusting my intuition or do they need therapy for not understanding and respecting my decision? I needed therapy to heal, but healing doesn't mean going back.

I do think that it would take a special kind of stupid to believe that someone chose to walk away from quite a few people for no reason, as if it wasn't a mutual decision on some level... I can't see how any of it was a surprise and if so, their self-awareness must be low.

I try to limit my research on this to like one hour per week because this does not pay me or add revenue to my business but at least it entertains people and it entertains me because it's quite interesting how much they've put in to try to destroy me for a whole year...

I do think that the online hacking and identity theft is a different group of people than those who motivated people to come at me in real life, but there could be linkages, and the more information I find, the more interesting it gets.

I'm not going back to ex friends or exes or anyone really, I'm not going backwards, I'm moving forward. People have to accept it.

It is just common sense to avoid people who are connected to past people because otherwise, they still have access to your life and they can try to control you through them.

To me, forgiveness is a sense of inner peace and confidence with the choices we have made in life in terms of who to surround ourselves with, we don't have to go back to prove our forgiveness to anybody and it's OK.