Avoid One-Sided Fake "Friends"
"Boundaries aren't about being in protection mode. Boundaries are about what you have within that is so valuable that you will not allow certain people to come near it or hurt it or whatever. Boundaries stem from self-worth." - Najwa Zebian
“Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.” - George Washington
"If we knew what will have been said about is when we are gone, we would have been gone a long time ago." - Don-Aminado
"They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?" - Matthew 7:15-16
Love all means harm no one, wish no ill on others, rejoice not in the misfortunes of others, and simply obey the law. It doesn’t mean to have no boundaries and to be foolish and fail to distance and protect yourself from bad energy.
Romans 13:8-10: “Love worketh no ill to his neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.”
It's not about wanting something in return necessarily but it's about being replenished with at least good energy but some people won't even bring that basic mutual loving encouragement and expect you to give give give from your own scarce time budget. Reciprocity should be natural and organic but not everyone has that instinct within them and some will just take until you are left dry and empty and then move onto the next victim.
If they don't spark joy, peace, or happiness, it's kind of pointless no? If they're not from your household, a child, a dependent... and it's a fully optional relationship, you really don't owe them anything except not bothering them/not harming them/not getting in their way.
Stop watering dead plants who think your time and energy is a joke rather than an investment that you're taking from something else to make time for them. Time doesn't just fall from the sky.
Potential is unlimited, time is not.
Don't give anything that's not in your time and energy budget, only from overflow to repel takers.
Why would you give the best of you to someone who brings out the worst in you? This usually happens when your spirit can sense that they have ulterior motives. You could bleed yourself dry, and they will tell you that it's not good enough regardless of what it has cost you while they see you in utter overwhelm all because they just want to gain from you at any cost (one thing is always taken on at the expense of another, but they do not care, they just want what they want from you at any cost and will try to make you look crazy for expecting ROI as otherwise you're disrupting your whole life for no replenishment at all depending on the magnitude of the commitment). People like this won't be there to pick up the pieces, trust me.
Such people will try to make it seem like expecting replenishment is selfish for personal goals, but no, it is not about personal gain, but it is about common sense/self-worth, why would you invest where there is no organic/equal reciprocity? It's no longer possible to do this once you've healed. You are worth more than crumbs and chaos (you're an autonomous being with a mind, a life, free will, and personal values/priorities).
Whoever chooses to view you in parts, rather than a hollisitc person who has a requirement to not drain their wellness for zero-ROI foolishness isn't your problem.
Time is very limited, so why would you squander your resources and energy for nothing? You are delaying your own goals in the process and all time is doing is passing you by.
*The people who are expecting you to give without receiving anything in return when it comes to relationships that are expected to be reciprocal are the kinds of people who would never do this for someone else, but they expect others to do it for them. They really want others to do double-duty in any equation and they normalize it via manipulation.*
Boundaries are healthy, they’re not barriers nor are they difficult (imagine hating working around normal lines), it’s just that it inconveniences those who would prefer to use you up and spit you out (at your expense of course) as they please and aren’t used to basic standards on how to respect people they’re in actual connections with that should be safe and healthy.
When clear protocols and sensible rules are in place with what you will and will not accept, healthy-minded (as opposed to dark-minded) individuals are inclined to adhere to them, ensuring proper treatment consistently on both sides.
Those resistant to boundaries often seek to take advantage of others (which will always backfire in due time and they will never learn the skill of actually building anything themselves, they're too used twisting narratives, using and belittling people, or pushing their own responsibilities onto others under any guise - and none of those things count as real skills).
Some will go as far as to team-up (like in MLM's), gossip, and try to suggest that those they feel threatened by should leave which is also not a real win, and to not even be that powerful even as a little group is super adorable (at least they have each other). It's kind of flattering that they could not even try me on their own, they needed a whole gang!
I have seen this happen a lot in MLM's like the one I accidentally almost signed up for, but backed out when I was able to find company information that they hid from me! The contract being too vague was a red flag, so I never signed. Adults who behave like high schoolers in any place of business aren't people whose acceptance you need to be striving for (like the MLM huns who worked from hospital beds when sick and gossiped about those who had enough self-respect to refuse, disgusting). These kinds of people only want to form fake friendships so that they can gain more from you. They fake a community for free labour.
For my disability, anything that overexerts my brain is counting as labor. I don't have unlimited brain power.
People with good intentions typically have no problem complying with established guidelines and boundaries around basic wellness time.
Misunderstandings aren't the same as underhanded attacks.
Their reaction to your limits is in direct proportion to their desire to respect your or not. They heard you the first time, their loathing of you is seeping out from the inconvenience of needing to respect your basic limits... Have standards for who you allow in your life as contrast will show you many "never again" scenarios. This is especially true for those who normalize being inconsistent, but expecting consistency from you. When you treat them how they treat you, they freak out somehow. It's hilarious.
You could self-sacrifice to a point where it's causing you extreme trouble, but they will not be satisfied if they're not the right people for you...
They do not want to reciprocate, but they want to show up to take when it's convenient for them, but you do not matter? Excuse me?
"For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked leads to destruction."
Unless they are genuinely supportive and not getting in the way of your wellness and mutually so, they are probably the same kinds of people who will rejoice at your failures and secretly put stumbling blocks in your way, so you have to really test the spirit before you call someone your friend.
Anyone with a disability doesn't have to apologize for not having time for nonsense.
"Friends" can get resources or pay you, but they should not be sources of anything that resembles work especially with an existing disability.
Who you invite into your personal circle/community is entirely your choice, you hold that sovereignty, no one else.
Individuals possessing robust boundaries tend to operate within close-knit circles. Maintaining such boundaries necessitates highly selective engagement with the energy present in their surroundings.
Treating business as a transaction makes sense despite the fact that caring is not out of style; however, those who fake a friendship because they want something from you rather than liking you for who you are must be avoided. They could just buy your products outright like an honest person would, but such people prefer to fake an entire friendship or try to... all for personal gain without ever being upfront about what they are seeking to gain and simply feigning sincerity. The most exploitative appear the nicest, but wolves in sheep's clothing come in many forms.
One of the telltale signs of strategic kindness lies in its consistency and context. When kindness becomes a tool rather than a natural expression, it tends to manifest selectively, primarily in situations beneficial to the individual. These gestures might be overly calculated, aiming to manipulate or influence rather than genuinely help or support.
Moreover, hidden agendas often reveal themselves through patterns of behavior. Those employing strategic kindness might display inconsistency in their actions, alternating between overt generosity and unexplained moments of indifference or self-interest.
Detecting dishonest motives behind strategic kindness also involves paying attention to the timing and nature of requests or favors. Some may strategically shower kindness to create a sense of obligation, subtly coercing others into reciprocating or meeting their undisclosed demands.
I won't exhaust my efforts by juggling pointless additional responsibilities just for someone to freeload off my time and expertise without compensation.
While some may claim I'm motivated by money, it actually means they believe they're entitled to exploit people's time and knowledge for free, which is unethical and disrespectful. I have the complete right to contribute to causes I care about (my fundraiser, which I doubt exploitative people even give back at all) and earn a profit from my passions which I work for, especially when my working hours are limited (investing fertile soil only). I have a fundraiser to feed and personal security to build. 🛡️
This is a lack of empathy on their part if they are a thief. Such people don't care if they are adding delay, burden, overwhelm, and stress in your life, as long as they get what they want from you by any means necessary. You must stay away from them. They will make demands on your time regardless of what is going on in your life and act like there's a certain measure to being a good friend or good person or something. No, the right measure is doing what you're able to do within your capacity limits. Be selective in your social circle. For me, my attention span is already limited. I'm not interested in labour-intensive fake people. I have enough obligations in my life. You can care about XYZ, but still have your own issues which the leeches do not care about/will not be the ones rescuing you out of the red zone about.
Self-care is having a non-negotiable oxygen mask and setting zones in your life that are private time and off-limits. Self-centered and self-serving is behaving as if you're entitled to anything that belongs to someone else: like the fruits of their harvest (their labour), their time, their energy, their attention, their knowledge... when you're not their child or dependent. Selfish is asking for discounts instead of invoices, this is not genuine or acceptable especially when your working hours with a disability are limited. 🧿
Don't allow a leech to dictate your vision or compromise your well-being by attempting to manipulate your schedule either (they're very sneaky and strategic if your intuition isn't fine-tuned). These individuals hold no sway over your life, especially if they aren't even part of your household. It's essential to keep such people away from your world. Respectable individuals won't try to corner you regarding your life or schedule; you should be the sole controller of that. It's about self-respect – don't tolerate anyone telling you how to spend your time or causing delays and distractions that impact your health. Remove stressful sources from your life promptly.
Boundaries are a property line that set the tone on what you will, and will not accept in your life. Boundaries are not divisive barriers or cold - they are guidelines on what is acceptable and not - they keep you safe... (they protect your dignity from intruders: they're terms of engagement on what you will and will not let pollute your life) and they're certainly not an absence of connection because healthy connections respect all levels of personal space (encroachment is not genuine connection), they are considered healthy in non-manipulative and non-conniving situations and they are not viewed as something for which to apologize (healthy ones respect personal autonomy and free will, all else is control in disguise). These lines will be weaponized by intruders looking to punish your refusal to be codependent and foolish aka comply with whatever the agenda of the day may be even at your safety's expense. 💯
Your boundaries are about you and not them so they're not lacking empathy and they are not mean or rude, so the extent to which you choose to explain yourself, is entirely up to you.
Anyone who thinks that you should go through life without property lines is probably a predatory individual.
The one with the problem is the one who has an issue with the fact that you're not about to be needlessly vulnerable like that where it is un-warranted (not the healthy type of vulnerability that takes courage, this is about not moving un-protected).
I can't fathom labeling someone a friend solely for personal gain, only to discard them once their purpose is fulfilled. To me, friendship is about shared emotions, deep connections, and genuinely liking each other as individuals (not about the secondary perks or benefits of being around someone). Am I from the wrong planet? Mind-boggling. Expecting unpaid work instead of paid work during limited working hours, especially when unaware of someone's health condition or personal life obligations, is both exploitative and preposterous. It's equally absurd when others find it unreasonable for you to anticipate reciprocity for the business service you offer.
"I was there when he set the limits of the seas, so they would not spread beyond their boundaries. And when he marked off the earth’s foundations."
What's in your cup belongs to you, only give from overflow because there are many people out there who will not care that they're chewing up the reserves that are required for your very survival and functioning (health and putting a roof over your head) as long as they can use you for their agenda. Spot them early and repel them with your aura of self-love.
Individuals who demand immediate responses without allowing space for contemplation are typically seeking to manipulate you for their own benefit, rarely is this warranted. Watch out for it in sales especially. This tactic is also used for responsibility-dumping from users disguised as friends, it's a sneaky ambush.
Relationships should not feel stressful or like a job! Life is stressful enough. It needs to be organic and not push against your main priorities. These people can't sleep or eat well or exercise on your behalf so be very careful who you let in your life and make sure that it's an organic match. You don't have time for more assignments. Labour-intensive "connections" are looking to benefit off of you.
Beware of ungrateful individuals who never express gratitude, and watch out for those who continually take without giving, especially when they're not a registered charity, your child, or a dependent. These people will attempt to make you feel responsible for their problems, even if it sacrifices your ability to concentrate at work or find some much-needed rest to provide for yourself/family. They'll act as if you're their sole solution, using manipulative and intrusive tactics, despite being grown adults with access to the Internet. Identifying these individuals early on is crucial for your well-being, and it's best to avoid them altogether.
Others already carry their load of duties in life, encompassing their thoughts, deeds, and feelings. You can't transfer your bundle of emotions and obligations to someone else. Your burdens are yours to bear; they are *your* duty. While it's acceptable to share emotional loads with genuine friends, I'm very much uninterested in and lack the energy for others' tasks. My own work and "homework" in life is challenging enough to manage promptly. I happily avoid "friends" who are secretly looking for someone to offload their personal responsibilities on. I am not available for that, my disability and existing jobs are enough. We get to define what is and what isn't acceptable. I don't tolerate unspoken entitlement either.
A true friend is someone who genuinely cares about your well-being, and you reciprocate that care. Everything else is secondary and should never be the sole reason for them being in your life. You're not here to serve as someone's convenience.
The hallmark of a true friend is a spiritual connection that can't be replaced by physical proximity or superficial, contrived relationships based on convenience or leeching your motivation from or anything like that. Heart ties even outlast geography.
Some "gifts" from users/takers/parasites posing as "friends" come with hidden agendas and strings attached (fattening you up for the kill so to speak), so learn to distinguish the genuine from the fake.
Most people are "reasons" or "seasons" and especially with managing a disability and obligations, I only have time for "lifetime" sort of genuine mentally spiritually emotionally connected friends. This label doesn't get thrown around loosely on acquaintances, associates, and partnerships. Life is very short.
If I don't even offer something as a paid service in order to preserve my health first - why exactly would I do it for a "friend" under the guise of some fake favour when it is burning through my limited mental energy for actual paid work? What makes them think you're entitled to that? Try Google? I have a fundraiser to feed and obligations. I think picking up someone else's harvest that you didn't pay for or work for is quite disgusting and what greed actually is.
A manipulator aims to make you feel mistaken, confused, or inadequate for having typical (normal) schedule/logistical constraints caused by natural personal obligations and basic health requirements, all in order to gain unrestricted access to your assets and your time. 🚫
We don't talk enough about how the wrong people can actually make a very negative impact on our health and emotional states. We don't have time for that. Please don't be so desperate to collect connections, go for genuine. You get to define your needs for yourself.
While manipulative, deceitful, and duplicitous people will be offended when you ask about their motives even in a nice way for trying to gain personal access to your life, the most sly ones are fantastic liars (an interesting talent indeed).
Normalize trust being earned. We should protect what we value.
Normalize basic boundaries.
Normalize not going bankrupt time-wise due to spending it on fakes/flakes.
Normalize using things, not people.
Business is business, friendship is friendship.
You can adore those you do business with, but never fake a friendship for personal or business gain: be upfront about what you want and do not waste people's time with inauthenticity and deceit.
Normalize gradualness. Get to know character beyond the surface first, but also normalize not having time for everyone and everything in the first place either.
Ties of the heart: not ties of convenience or benefiting off of someone else's hard work when they're not a charity, child, or dependent and you quite literally don't owe them anything like that.
"Knowing" you doesn't entitle anyone to anything.
Such people keep you from investing in the good ones. They're destiny thieves.
I mean, not everyone deserves access to you. Trust your intuition and inner guidance system, time is not unlimited so invest it wisely.
Don't feel obligated to let newcomers into your life, as trust takes time to build, and those rushing it may have ulterior motives.
Take your time with getting to know people, if you have the time. If you don't have the time, well, that's just part of life and logistics. You cannot know everyone, you cannot do everything. The sooner this is accepted, the more peaceful life becomes. What is the point of wanting more time than realistically exists anyway?
Ensure that in matters of the heart and in general, you don't become the sole go-to person for those who can't reciprocate.
Seek relationships that are mutually fulfilling, where both parties contribute equally, rather than embarking on one-sided journeys.
Avoid investing heavily in those who won't make even minor efforts for you, as it can lead to emotional turmoil and resentment. Instead, prioritize connections with individuals who share your level of commitment, emphasizing equality.
✨You having standards for your life doesn't mean you think you're better than anybody, it means you know your worth.✨
Setting normal non-negotiable boundaries is a healthy and necessary aspect of human well-being. It doesn't involve ill intentions, wishing bad on others, obstructing others, rejoicing in the misfortunes of others, or plotting harm; rather, it's a fundamental element for maintaining mental health, mental peace, and ensuring our financial/mental survival.
Do not assess people by the fruit that you produce, assess them by the fruit that they produce. Do they exploit others? Do they engage in manipulation or falsehoods? Do they infringe upon boundaries or consider them open to negotiation? Are they inconsistent and fail to reciprocate? Do they anticipate others sacrificing self-respect and basic self-care to cater to their desires?
You don't have to over-exert yourself for the right people. It will feel more seamless than not when it is right for you. You shouldn't feel obligated to take on opportunities that don't fit your schedule just to boost someone's self-esteem at the cost of your existing commitments, because adults should understand that your availability doesn't define their value: your logistics are about you, not them.
A short little section on forceful people:
Anyone who forces unwanted intimacy of any kind and calls it friendly (when humanity is about dignity, privacy, and wellness), and who wants to know your life story right away and takes offense to your personal property lines is not the kind of person you should even want to appease in the first place. Good riddance to those who try to force themselves in the lives of others and indirectly punish boundaries. These are the same kinds of people who will use your personal information against you later. You have the right to choose your circle wisely. Trust is earned and this will only bother manipulators. Connections should be built by choice, slowly, and steadily and many things are not even owed depending on the nature of the situation which makes the bulldozers seem even more crusty.
Genuine people will not force it or expect you to make/have time for anyone you just met 3 seconds ago. This is un-natural and screams "agenda" from all angles. These inconsiderate people act like you don't already have a life and act like you owe them something. They're also the type to disguise stumbling blocks as help you never asked for. They're destructive forces.
You cannot connect with people who disrespect your personal free will/choice, these people are looking to dominate you, not care for for you or grow mutually. You did not sign up for that.
Again... Friendships are built on mutual care and concern for each other's well-being, not driven by personal gain. Do not give your pearls to swine.
Some lack the desire to produce their own positive energy, results, or motivation, instead aiming to drain yours without concern for leaving you empty.
Phony individuals may offer small favors or pretend to be supportive, but when it comes to fundamental values and authenticity, they often conceal their true intentions. They masquerade as allies to gain your trust, all the while aiming to divert you from your purpose toward a hidden, potentially dark agenda. This isn't a call for paranoia, but a reminder to stay vigilant because many individuals disguise their ulterior motives as friendship, solely seeking to benefit from their association with you. It's crucial to remain discerning, test the sincerity of those around us, and safeguard our own self-respect.
When it comes to insincere acquaintances resurfacing from your past, is it to show love? Is it for convenience and using you? You're worthy of individuals who won't mishandle their opportunities with you. This isn't about being unforgiving or seeking perfection; it's about allocating your time to those who won't hurt you or exploit you. It's not coincidental, some people are calculated and somehow shocked when you match their energy or lack of investment.
On a similar note... Everyone experiences ups and downs in life, including busy periods. It's important to be clear with fair-weather friends that you have busy seasons too. If they're basing everything on convenience, then make it about your convenience in equal proportion. Your life isn't a revolving door for their convenience and taking though. If they only show up when it's easy for them and disappear for years, they're not reliable friends. They're takers. I've personally faced tough times mostly on my own, as I prefer internal processing. I don't depend on these people much, and my life isn't an open door for fly in fly out leeches. Loyalty should be invested wisely in the right people, given our limited time. Some individuals are sent back in by demonic forces in order to test your strength, resolve, and wisdom to see if you've learned your lesson. I sure have.
I save my charitable efforts for humanity and advocacy, not self-serving leeches! 🛡️
Those individuals who believe they can enter and exit your life at their convenience, expecting you to motivate or care for them as if you owe them something, are likely to leave you once their needs are met. Such inconsistent people may not be a suitable match for you if you value consistency, as it's not difficult to maintain occasional communication.
If you find yourself initiating everything, you don't have a community; you have a group of individuals who drain your energy like leeches and parasites, and you're the one who suffers the consequences of exhaustion. Don't anticipate them to consider the impact on you; they don't think that way. They simply attach themselves to others, using them as hosts, much like parasites.
Again, everyone has a busy season, few come back in and out to show authentic care and love, many come back in and out to chew up your results which they did not earn or work for (benefit from you), get your discernment game strong!
We're called to guard our hearts.
Individuals who believe you must shoulder the burden of self-sacrifice to maintain relationships aren't the right fit. While I support a balanced give-and-take in connections based on sincerity, effort, and genuine energy, people shouldn't enter your life for personal advantage or attempt to manipulate your aspirations to suit their desires. 🚫
Addressing one's imperfections is important, yet there's a clear boundary; if someone consistently pushes for total change, it reveals their lack of regard for your identity, making you feel as though you're constantly pleading for mere scraps of consideration and connections that are expected to be reciprocal not because you're a selfish person, but because this is how reciprocity works, and the people who think they can bypass this principle of *reciprocity* are the exploitative ones who expect others to run on empty, but would never run on empty themselves and make the same sacrifices in return... The very fact that they expect to be able to take take take, but will not give the same in return tells you that they are not going to be the ones accepting being on the receiving end of the lesser part of the deal - ever - but they want you to run on empty for their gratification which is more calculated than it appears.
This is also important, we define our standards for ourselves... Friends ask for invoices and leeches ask for discounts, make sure you have a clear map with clear instructions to the door for the latter. Maybe a few notepads for them self-reflect as to why they want to destroy your limited working hours away from paid work? Thieves much? Are these people going to finance your future and your hospital bills when you burn out? Are these people responsible for putting food on your table? No? Then why do they feel entitled to even share their opinion with you when you didn't ask them for it? Take a seat and fall back if you're like this because I'm not having any of it in my life.
I used to be so afraid of being misunderstood and now I feel like I collect it like a sports trophy - I mean the more the merrier. I don't have time for the wrong people so the sooner I recognize a shallow mind, the better.
Always bear in mind that self-centered individuals are indifferent to the costs you incur, as long as they achieve their desires through you. They'll change their attitude when you don't conform to their demands, regardless of any negative consequences for you. These individuals feign friendship but remain unconcerned about your well-being, personal wellness, and your responsibilities as a grown adult providing for yourself and dependents. They seek to take a prominent role in your life shortly after meeting you, which is quite peculiar. Establishing boundaries doesn't infringe upon the rights of others; instead, it deters those who believe you owe them something or feel entitled to your accomplishments without putting in the effort.
Protect your heart from dark forces by having criteria for who you allow into your life. It's very important. I failed at this so many times.
Misunderstandings are tolerable, but any form of mistreatment is unacceptable.
You do not have unlimited time, so behave accordingly.
🧿 Our hearts wouldn't need guarding if all souls were pure. 🧿
Anyone trying to take more time than you have or cutting into your oxygen mask (when they're not your child or dependent) is the one with the problem. Not you for merely having clear fences around your survival requirements. Grown adults should behave as such.
A genuine friend is not going to burden you, add stress to your life, or try to take something from you. A genuine friend will replenish your energy, and they will uplift your life, and you'll uplift their life and care about their wellness and you're not going to add stressors to their life. You're going to share the emotional burdens of navigating life, but you are going to carry your own load. Sharing the emotional burdens and not going through life entirely alone, but not shifting the responsibilities that rightfully belong to you and being codependent like if people were an extension of you (that's not for me personally, I have enough of my own homework and I seek uplifting energy and mutual positivity, I do not tolerate childish entitlement).
If they don't respect the limits of your availability, then they don't deserve any of it. I said what I said.
We are not holding anything back or hoarding knowledge or doing any of that (not like everything isn't online already), we don't have time for people who are just straight up takers and fakers and will drain our finite mental energy, we deserve people who replenish us. If we are loyal and pour our love, we deserve the same in return. We no longer settle.
Normalize not caring what people who don't pay your bills think of how you spend your time and attention and where your standards lie in terms of trust being earned.
✨✨✨Good friends are part of your sanity, and they are part of keeping you balanced, they shouldn't be taking away from that.✨✨✨
I love showing love and doing nice things for the people I care about, but that's because I know that they are not simply with me for the added benefits. ✅
If you're not desperate for just any type of "connection", then you won't be fooled and depleted. 💯
Healthy relationships are important, but that's what *quality* over quantity is about.
How much time you spend managing your disability outside of your other obligations is entirely up to the uniqueness of your situation, and anyone who gets in the way rather than it being based on mutual love - who is not your child or a dependent - is not in alignment.
Keep in mind that this is the primary characteristic of individuals seeking to exploit you: such individuals may attempt to manipulate your schedule, run over your vital appointments, essentially inserting themselves into your calendar aggressively or laced with underhanded fake niceness - all without any rightful claim to it in the first place. They do so without respecting your availability or preferences, imposing upon you.
A disability like ADHD isn't going to take a liking to people who want us to "work" our brains or be "on" during designated time to disconnect and recharge so people looking for individuals to use: go find someone else who has the spare time and energy, I have enough obligations.
💙 We have a part-time job to manage our disability so if we are extra careful with who we allow in our lives, there's a reason for that. We need people who love us for who we are, not what we do and will never make us choose between "consecutive oxygen mask disconnect time" and them. 💙
I don't think it's about introversion or extroversion, most adults require time alone to recharge, and I'm above explaining this to adults, which is why I keep my circle very small.
Do not give the enemy a foothold... It comes disguised as fake friends then they end up bleeding your resources dry to serve their initial agenda for trying to get into your life...
We can't be bothered about what those who think boundaries are innately rude or mean believe about us, they're telling us that they do not care about as people with minds of our own and our priorities, they're there for personal gain. Why would you feel a desire to impress such people? Why would you want *any* future dealings with anyone who does not value and respect your time?
It's crucial to recognize that when it comes to your mental health, especially in the context of a disability, relocating/moving around/removing your "mental wheelchair" should never be considered an acceptable sacrifice, as it's essential for your well-being and survival.
Anyone trying to convince you that depletion is the logical path to success, connection, health... Has an agenda.
And any level of underhanded pushiness (even when laced with a semblance of kindness) is just not something that should be normalized as you are the one who is on the receiving end, do not let anyone over-ride your free will over what rightfully belongs to you. ✨ You do not have to accept anything you don't want regardless of how nice it seems...
Good people are upfront.
Whether or not you have life experience, you certainly have ownership over your life’s vision and those who value you will respect your authenticity, empowerment, free will, health, and that you’re the captain of your ship… Genuine souls do not seek to control, coerce, or take over someone’s purpose as the line between care and control is thin.
Potential is infinite, energy is not: at least not when we have a disability and basic sleep requirements, I don't care to apologize for my humanity...
You don't need to deplete yourself at your own expense for sure and you don't "owe" anyone anything: but those faking helping someone in need with strings attached is insane.
Providing for yourself isn’t greedy or selfish, neither is protecting your un-interrupted mental disconnect time… Let me define greedy and selfish: those who do not care about the impact that their time theft, exploitation, dismantling, belittlement, demands, impositions, and so on have on others who ought to be respected in the equation.
I am not about to prostitute my values/integrity within myself to fit into anyone else's definition of anything.
You can't be friends with someone who doesn't respect your values, your time, your business being "for profit" with an existing charity, and your wellness (mutually so). ✨ You compromise your quality of life and delay your goals if you ever compromise your standards in this area or other areas of your life. ✨
You can be caring and still say no because your boundaries are exclusively about you. They're not about anybody else. Having the means (knowledge) to do something doesn't mean that you have the time, energy, or bandwidth and anyone who doesn't understand this you should probably not be in your life.
If an individual disregards your priorities and obligations, placing their own interests above your chosen path in life, you are faced with a shady predicament. This person may not be a valuable addition to your life, particularly if they fail to comprehend your responsibilities, including managing a disability, and the realities of your existence. Their underhandedly aggressive demeanor suggests they may have ulterior motives. Do not mistake control for enthusiasm, and do not mistake aggression for enthusiasm because they have a way of sugarcoating it. You will never feel pushed into a corner by someone who has good intentions for you.
If you're not desperate for just any type of "connection", then you won't be manipulated by scammy people.
Healthy relationships are important, but that's what *quality* over quantity is about.
Do not pour into what does not pour into you, and stop being available for people who are not available for you. If they wouldn't reciprocate, and these are relationships that ought to be reciprocal and not charitable ones, stop investing. This is not mean or arrogant, it's called reciprocity. You're the one managing the mental health impacts of being depleted, which is disgusting.
Those who "only care about themselves" do not care for the needs of those they have supposedly mutually reciprocal relationships with, they are only pretending.
✨You're not harming others by safeguarding your ventilator and being very careful who you let into your life and mental sanctuary, so as not to disrupt the peace that you worked very hard for.✨
You're not wrong for having limited time and logistics.
It's a codependent (yet false) notion that boundaries push people away. A boundary is a guideline, not a barrier. Standards magnetize genuine people and they repel those who wish to disregard, disrespect, exploit, scapegoat, and step on people.
Exercise caution around individuals who solely cherished the unhealed and unhealthy aspects of your being.
Make sure your standards/criteria for who you allow into your life are strictly your own. You know what you do/do not have energy for.
It's essential to distinguish between those who selfishly disregard others to elevate themselves (doing something at their expense for their personal gain/benefit) and those who merely prioritize self-care without harming anyone else. Remember this when someone you're not even obligated to calls you selfish for merely managing your survival and obligations like a responsible adult. Those who want the most typically bring nothing to the table which is ironic.
There is no opportunity to waste my time twice, at this spiritual growth rate: once should be enough unless there's something excessively special about the energy/situation/person which is very rare. If it doesn't match the love/care I already provide for myself: pointless!
When you go with your intuition, you're not always going to have logical explanations as to why your instincts tell you to stay away from a particular person, and that's OK because you actually don't owe them excessive detail if at all. Trust yourself and your own life experience/wisdom.
If someone persistently attempts to dictate what's best for you and exerts control over your life and how you allocate your time, you should question whether these are the individuals you want in your life, as this behavior is far from typical; it's genuinely abnormal.
Showing love, care, and compassion is not done through compromising your limits and boundaries. It is an energy and shown in various healthy ways. Healthy people will never pressure you into self-abandonment and make their appeasement your issue, that's not love, that's control.
And trust is built over a span of time as well so be very careful of the people who are trying to rush the process, they definitely want something from you. And they know that if they weren't coursing you, you wouldn't be giving it to them... so they have to trap you into it instead.
I do like to do nice things for the people that I care about but I don't do anything that resembles work on my personal time so if someone is in my life to try to get free fitness/nutrition advice for me, they should probably leave. It's very obvious when it's a natural part of a conversation versus when that's the sole purpose of the person trying to get into your life.
Due to having to cram my life into 6 days a week rather than 7 due to ADHD crash day which keeps me burnout free due to insomnia, I am unable to be everywhere and I no longer make apologies for managing my health/disability. 💯
Your life gets better the day that you only care about the things that care about you. Love all, trust few.
Anyone genuine doesn't apply pressure, this is a sign of an opportunist (using others for personal gain and looking to hijack the time/lives/visions of others is what true selfishness is about). 💯
Graceful people make better friends than pushy imposers/bulldozers.
Choose yourself and those you genuinely "owe" something to.
Choose your oxygen mask because you will be in the red zone if you don't. Can you afford that?
You only "need" the right people. Not everyone. Resonance.
You do not need self-serving fake people who are deceitful and put holes in your boat when you're not looking.
Avoid becoming so desperate for a feeling of belonging that you compromise by accepting less than you deserve.
Belong with yourself first. Have a purpose first.
Your connections should restore you, not deplete you.
Some will bleed you dry if you let them and not care one bit to show up for you if something goes wrong. They'll try to say "having faith" is spending time you do not already have in the budget or at the expense of another core priority in your life, please do not fall for deception.
Ask yourself if God/the Universe called you to the person before a seat at your table is reserved...
Real ones love you through thick and thin, not just when everything is perfect. Guarding your heart is not paranoid, it's healthy to protect what we value as we learn to be better judges of motives and character so we can thrive rather than non-stop healing.
Embracing self-love isn't about arrogance or self-centeredness, instead, it's about cultivating a positive, nurturing relationship with yourself. Self-love doesn't mean believing you're "better than" others or ignoring areas that need improvement. It just means being responsible for your needs and obligations first. It's extending care and understanding to yourself, a level often reserved for others.
Time limits are not a limiting belief, it's a reality.
Health is not a compromise-able aspect of life with a disability, and certainly not for anything outside your household or dependents... period. Anything with leech-vibes isn't going to restore you from the red zone, you need to protect your time and energy with fences.
You aren't accountable for others' self-esteem, and it's not your responsibility to sacrifice your mental boundaries to please people. Healthy relationships don't require you to compromise your identity, basic needs, health, or goals to make others feel valued.
People heard you the first time, accept this truth and it will set your heart free. ✨✨✨
Those kinds of people simply want you to not exist in your own life, they want you to be a spectator in your own life so that they can be the puppet masters.
Showing love doesn't mean diminishing yourself as self-sacrifice is not how healthy love is proven or shown (maybe for dependents, but no one else).
You need not endure the loss of your genuine self-expression, which essentially amounts to a demise of your soul, due to someone else's controlling tendencies.
Sometimes, when someone doesn't appreciate your existing commitments or respect your stress levels, it's a positive blessing when they leave your life. True friendship shouldn't solely rely on seeking favors but should honor and support each other's boundaries and priorities.
You cannot "reframe" your way into spending mental energy you do not have.
Connections should enhance your peace, not destroy it. They should alleviate stress, not add to it. They should encourage your level up, not try to keep you at theirs.
Lack of support from the wrong people is an advantage, and a blessing in your life, it's not a disadvantage at all. You will see this later on. The right ones (fewer in quantity) are higher quality.
You may not have time for flakes when they're ready to commit to reciprocity, that's a choice they made by being flakes. 🧿
If it's not a dependent, it has no business interfering with your oxygen mask, none. 🛡️
If it goes anywhere near the conditions to your disability survival, it doesn't fit your life, you don't need it. If it's not a dependent or child, you should not compromise your ability to provide for yourself/household for anything extra/optional. They don't pay your bills.
If knowing what you want is having a strong personality, you're dealing with a covert controller. Anything aligned with you will not cause time and health debt. You can't outsource health and who from outside your household would act so centered in your life in the first place?
You are not a vessel for anyone else's self-validation, you're not to destroy your authenticity for their insecurities or a truth other than your own, and you're not to bend your quiet-time/health-protecting boundaries (those wanting this don't value you in the first place). They value what they wanted to take from you, there's a difference!
We all deserve private time deemed off-limits to recharge. Other than kids/dependents, DND mode. Control freaks manipulate others, genuine people control their self-protection and mental safety boundaries, super shocking! Oh my goodness the audacity! 🧿
Control over your own mental and all realms of safety isn't the same as seeking to overtake the lives and time of others or exert unwarranted authority over matters that belong to the jurisdiction of other individuals fully.
You have the autonomy to choose who is your "community" and who has access to you.
Forgiveness isn't trust, access, or reconciliation, trust your instincts on who deserves you and who does not, without criteria: you're allowing the conditions to your mental health to be destroyed by the wrong people. For what? It's not worth it. Keep a small well-vetted circle.
People with kind hearts have the capability to "un-know" people when pushed too far, we all have our limits. Bitter haters who disguised themselves as "friends" for personal gain will call you a hot-head (an impulsive over-reactor) when it's a boundary that inconveniences them, best to uncover who is who early in the game and send them on their way out.
Bad company can cause loneliness due to it being a bottomless pit (non-reciprocation), fewer high quality people rock.
If it was entirely acceptable for your needs to be disregarded in a situation that should have been mutual, it's equally acceptable to leave those bridges in their scorched condition. That's a visual reminder of the state you could have been in without divine intervention.
A seat in your life is not instant, it's not an entitlement, criteria exists. Trust is not re-built without genuine remorse either, raise the rent because shallow connections are a massive wasfe of energy.
This is also way reciprocity is expected in mutual relationships as this is different than charitable gifting, we do not run on empty for the bottomless pit that is ungrateful takers who will watch your overwhelm and imply that you're not doing enough just to milk a little more out of you due to greed.
What do we give to those who don't respect the methods, means, and limits of our availability and who are not our children or dependents?
Nothing. A whole lot of a lot of a lot of a lot of nothing. Draw some "unavailable" lines around your recharge time... This is a good way to test the spirit.
Love does not have to announce itself, and neither does power so those who proclaim it the loudest are typically deceitful so as to lower your guard in a low-down sneaky way. Actions speak for themselves.
You should receive the same care you give to others. Always choose environments/people that replenish you as much as you give, preventing feelings of emptiness. Anyone labeling you as selfish for desiring mutual reciprocity in relationships is likely attempting to exploit you.
When someone's behavior demonstrates their disdain for you and makes you feel like a burden in a relationship that ideally should have been mutually caring and reciprocal without the need for prompting, it's essential to pay attention and respond accordingly by moving accordingly!
Windows of opportunity fumbled are not re-instated. Who has the time to invest in bottomless pits? This is self-preservation as forgiveness doesn't warrant access. Why would you invest mental energy and time into opportunists who would try you in the first place? The need for appreciation is selfish to people who want something that they do not want to give, these are entitled people who do not mind sneaking more out of people even when visibly overwhelmed.
Why would you pour into bottomless pits who had no intention of reciprocity at any point as you repeating yourself was proof of that?
Self-erasure in relationships that should be mutual isn't how healthy love is shown.
Your circle should be a sanctuary of peace, not added work under the guise of favours, that is not how love is shown when you have a disability that takes up a lot of time to manage!
When you do not take people at face value (what they have show you that they're capable of in the first place), you give the devil place in your heart, mind, and life.
Evaluate the connections in your life periodically:
Is it healthy?
Is it adding to your health?
Is it helping you as much as you give?
Is it adding mutual love and value?
Is it a bottomless sink-hole of one-sided taking and inconsistency?
Is consideration begged for?
• do everything
• be everywhere
• know everyone
No genuine blessing, connection, supposed friend, anything is going to cut into the conditions to your un-interrupted health recharge time which is sacred. Your blessings and the right people will work around your disconnect time.
Your home is a sacred sanctuary of guaranteed relaxation, but your mind should be protected with the same strength/potency if not more. 🛡️
Oneness/humanity means do no harm and send love energy to all, we still have a right to be distinct individuals with personal sovereignty/boundaries. We must enforce qualifications for being in our lives and learn to disqualify/demote people form our circles when necessary.
For instance, those who claim to love us, but tell us that the excess sacrifices we made were never enough when we regularly go out of our way to reciprocate what they gave to us (underhandedly) and trash talk us behind our backs while sending us the evil eye do not qualify.
Someone who smiles with you one second, but then be a little see the next second does not love you. They're just trying to conceal their hate.
Establishing a boundary doesn't equate to causing harm or showing no remorse towards others if you accidentally hurt someone. Individuals who push you persistently may witness your stress but continue pressuring you to take on more than you can manage. They may downplay your concerns, insisting you're overthinking or should reframe your thoughts around how you manage your own schedule, disregarding the fact that you're genuinely short on time. Their focus remains solely on fulfilling their desires, regardless of your capacity or well-being.
I think some will say, oh you should have better boundaries, but fail to realize some do not respect a line once enforced and some lines should have never been crossed to begin with because having to explain some basic principles isn't a trait I look to keep in my midst.
These same exploitative people have the audacity to call you and selfish for saying no.
You are simply being responsible by not spending energy and time that you do not have because that's going to get you into time debt and render you incapable of fulfilling your core obligations like a responsible adult or functioning at a baseline with a disability.
They are not the ones paying your bills or putting food on your table and last time I checked, those are basic survival needs that you're responsible for first. You also have to manage your own household.
Protecting your time and energy isn't akin to deceit, harm, risk, fraud, or exploiting others to succeed... it's simply safeguarding your capacity to function and survive, especially when responsible for providing for yourself and your household.
Manipulative individuals use derogatory labels such as "selfish" and "crazy" to compel you to prove your worth to them. They understand that by deflecting and making you feel guilty for saying no, you're likely to fall into their trap and strive harder to prove yourself to them.
Such words are employed by immature individuals to assert control over others. They attempt to impose these labels when you deviate from the supposed "norm" aka what they want from you and conduct yourself differently, even if you're just being "you" without causing harm. You're merely living as your authentic self or have different traits than them (quietness or being reserved upon first meeting people, for instance), which they dislike. These controlling personalities must be removed from your life, they are lacking the ability to "see" different perspectives and they don't mind taking jabs at people regardless of how the person on the receiving end feels, all while acting victimized by normal healthy boundaries (they love to control the free will of others).
Letting some bridges be burned is not cold and callous, it's just that you're ready to evolve in life and you can't have deadweight. Why would you invest your energy in people whose actions showed loathing despite deceitful fake words?
Seek out individuals who value, affirm, and respect you, rather than those who belittle you to affirm their own insecurities.
Individuals who slime others frequently harbor dissatisfaction within their own lives. Consider this: Can you recall a recent instance where a joyful and fulfilled person mistreated someone else?
You value your heart space/time and there's nothing wrong with that, you're not going around insulting and putting people down though. That's not the same thing.
People who have fought dark battles nearly alone don't need deadweight in their life who doesn't add peace.
I could have been a better judge of character, but at the same time, I just find it interesting that people will fake an entire friendship just for personal gain and they're super nice at first. I see through that now. I see my part in it, I was a dummy.
As you age, you increasingly recognize that you don't require unnecessary company.
Sometimes relationships or situations can simply be misaligned without being explicitly toxic. It's okay to acknowledge when certain connections or circumstances don't fulfill your needs or align with your values. Moving on from such situations doesn't imply fault; it's about prioritizing your well-being as it's about being equally yoked.
I tend not to trust easily, and some attribute it to my past experiences (trauma). However, anytime I have sensed ill intentions from someone, it usually turned out to be true. Therefore, I choose to trust my intuition, not external voices who may not benefit off of people who have discernment rather than naivety.
I have a disability, jobs, bills to pay, and a life: I am not on this planet to "teach" anyone common sense and respect.
Teaching love languages is one thing, but I do not tolerate misaligned principles and a lack of willing reciprocity, those who would fake and take if never caught are not aligned with my principles, thus I am uninterested in entertaining spiritual leeches.
Uphold who you are, do not explain as the wrong people will twist everything, not get it... The right ones will not need explanations. Organic.
You can't invent self-awareness where none exists. Walking away from that is best, life is tough enough that we don't need people who destroy the peace of others and play games.
Ungraceful people who are unaware that people's time is an investment and not a given are also not for me.
If someone found it troublesome to be present in your life during tough times, don't welcome them (opportunists with fake gifts and fake praise) back when things are better. Keep them outside because their intentions aren't genuine, and their false smile won't hide their dislike shown through their repeated past actions. These are the kinds of people who will offer fake help with strings attached when they were not upfront about the strings attached without being clear about the strings upfront or they will complain when they help you which tells you it wasn't from the heart.
I will, never again, water what does not water me.
Their feelings towards me are a day late, too late, no more.
To think I will delay my journey for any parasite or hater in disguise who thinks that they can bleed me dry, try to destroy my business' finances indirectly, but would certainly not do the same so they missed the part where "give" means you need to have it to give in the first place and reciprocity matters in relationships that are not a charity in nature. Why won't they delay their vision for you, but want you to do so for them? God does tell us to be discerning, love all energetically, but trust few. He will not invest in us if we squander our time in shaky infertile soil.
✨I am not looking for *anything* that resembles work to come from "friends" in this or any future season, they should love you for who you are and I *do not have spare time with a disability* so the sneaky snakes need to go. If this makes me stuck-up and unfriendly, that's fine, let's use those tactics to ensure the snakes have no point of access to begin with. We are humans with our own priorities and will not accept to be roboticized by anyone telling us or trying to tell us how to spend our own time, while also trying to suck up our resources and not even having the initiative to replenish/reciprocate.✨
Thank you Lord for pruning the weeds. Why would you invest in anyone who would *dare* cross you, play you, fumble you in the first place? They need to learn through losing access to you, especially if this is an "optional" relationship outside of your household, dependents, or children. 🧿
If I'm always there for a friend in need but they aren't there for me when I need them to emotionally connect or talk (because I do everything myself and I am self-reliant), it's disheartening. I don't hold any grudges, but I can't keep giving without receiving. Time and energy aren't limitless, and I can't constantly run without replenishment.
I'm tired of people who only show up when it's convenient, creating a pattern of inconsistency. Sending a simple text shouldn't be challenging. Those who disappear for months or years and then reappear make me wonder when they'll leave again, and that's not healthy. I shouldn't have to explain basic common sense to adults. Some things can be explained, like love languages, but there's a point where you realize it's not in their nature, and trying to change them isn't worth it.
Don't succumb to pressure from anyone trying to manipulate you into allowing them back into your life. Even if they displayed minimal support, that doesn't change their ongoing attitude or disinterest when they had the chance! We all have bouts of experiencing tough phases is part of life. Yet, it's not normal or acceptable for someone to come and go as they please, expecting a warm reception each time. If someone remains silent for extended periods, that's unusual. I am a dedicated person so I don't like inconsistent people who cannot communicate. Sometimes, their absence is genuine, but then why would they only come back when they want something? While some find it normal, my concern arises when they reappear not out of love but for convenience or personal gain. I refuse to let guilt trips affect my decisions regarding what's best for my mental well-being and growth. Prioritizing my personal development isn't materialistic—it's essential, especially considering my disability.
Anyone who demands me to "make time" for them as if I owe them anything after how they treated me (or they're just a demanding person who feels entitled to fly in and out, or it's an acquaintance who feels excessively entitled to your time when you already have tons of obligations so their approach doesn't work in their favour) needs to get a grip.
Perhaps you were suited to them or a match for them, but they weren't the right fit for you. I understand it's incredibly tough, but sometimes that's just the way things are.
Why invest time in those who only show love when they stumble upon you online or by chance in real life after years of neglect? Why allow their pressure to reenter your life when you're juggling substantial work and managing a disability?
Their opinions shouldn't dictate how you spend your time (if they try to push you around or assert control over you when organic connections are about love and not control, they've shown you their intentions); their negativity isn't worth your attention, and it's okay if insincere people don't appreciate you.
Once you understand that certain individuals are deliberately choosing to treat you unfairly, it becomes simpler to eliminate them from your life. Embracing the fact that some people aren't meant to be in harmony with you allows room for the right individuals to naturally come into your life's orbit. The journey toward restoring our self-worth, respecting our boundaries, and regaining control of our lives after chronic people-pleasing involves releasing any narratives others create about us and disentangling from relationships that pressure us to go beyond our limits or fail to comprehend us.
People who want you to go beyond your human limits or feel inconvenienced by your basic health needing to be managed by you are blatantly telling you that your ongoing survival/life is less important than what they want to take from you, what more do you need to know? Seriously?
Grown adults respect limits, timing, and self-preservation. You do not need to dignify the fools who don't with any sort of explanation as they see through their filters and they will twist it to fit their narrative anyway.
Some people do not mind lying, dangling a carrot, and conning! 🧿🧿🧿
Self-sacrifice is a hard no for anyone outside my household, I do nice things for loved ones, but I do not give an inch to people who take a mile even while I am bleeding (optional relationships are optional, I don't owe them anything from un-necessary private details, nor do I even owe them my time so the excessive demands of new acquaintances are especially out of place if they're trying to rush trust-building if the investment is even mutually worthwhile and as for fake friends, the word fake says it all, being real to fake people will not change their rotten core).
If others aren't willingly providing what you require, excessively compensating or treating them better than they treat you (stop, only water what waters you, neutrality is fine for the rest) won't fulfill your needs. Instead, it drains you, leading to exhaustion and potentially harmful outcomes. Overextending yourself for those who won't reciprocate doesn't make their unwillingness your fault as if you were inadequate because of their unwillingness to reciprocate when this is the bare minimum which doesn't get trophies (that's how people allow their heart to be manipulated).
You don't need to retaliate against mistreatment, but staying neutral is okay. Having self-respect means not going out of your way for those who wouldn't do the same for you. Save your love for those who are not bottomless pits or sinkholes, for those who do not punish boundaries on the low, for those who would never push your wellness lines and show you that they loathe you one minute, while trying to gain something from you with fake accolades the next.
Despite taking medication for my ADHD, I rely on the absence of all notifications (I check when I can), except for family emergencies being filtered in always. Those unaware of my need for muted notifications essentially disrupt my ability to function due to my disability (inability to take interruptions and refocus is the reason for the mental wheelchair of ADHD). Explaining this repeatedly is taxing, and I prefer the company of those who comprehend my situation. I won't compromise my ability to support myself (the cost of interruptions for ADHD is total derailment) for those who don't understand my needs. Certainly not for optional connections I can live without!
You can't relate to the things of the past anymore when you've become completely unrelatable to a lot of the people that you used to know because they only knew the broken part of you and now they don't even know who you are anymore.
Not everyone is going to be comfortable with your evolution, but the ones who are loving it are the ones who are meant to be in your life. The ones who aren't are only going to make you revert back to your old self-destructive ways and you cannot afford that.
🧿 Ask yourself why anyone would want you to not be in control of what belongs to you in the first place? Why could that be? Spot agendas early, you do not have time to lose.
I prioritize what aligns with my needs, just as they might. My well-being is my responsibility, not theirs. I refuse to let freeloaders consume my time or take advantage of my efforts (my business work or my spirit/heart). 🧿
I'm having a little too much fun with hoping my authenticity scares away the wrong ones, it's rewarding to carve out time for peace and only peaceful/aligned souls, the issue with needing to repeat yourself is that not only are they draining you, they're a source of chaos because they heard you the first few times (do not be naive, facing reality is far better than living in some delusional la-la land of empty hope that the wrong people with somehow transform because you can only control your own awareness, not someone else's nor do you have spare time to spell out the basics). If you have to beg for crumbs, would you not prefer consistent people who would willingly give their best the same way that you do?
You don't have to hold any ill will in your heart towards someone or wish them harm in order to let them out of your life, it just means that you're not on the same page and you can let them go, but your boundaries may do this naturally on your behalf.
Explaining your simple "no" drains you and gives away your personal power, unless you feel like it and it's a choice from within because a limit is about you, you cannot control their reaction or if they choose to make it about themselves.
The willingness to nearly take a bullet for someone shouldn't come as cheap as I allowed it to before and I guard my heart now because I can't afford more cuts, scars, constantly healing. Maybe I need to change my love language or smarten up. I stay to myself more now while I heal.
Some want from you and some want for you. I am only interested in investing my heart in people who like me for who I am / not coat tail riders, users, takers, and controllers. This makes my spam filter high because we're not supposed to be accessible to just anyone un-carefully.
If you live in fear of setting a healthy limit, you're around someone who isn't for you as you sense they may punish you for it/twist it against you/use it against you/throw thinly veiled threats your way/further endanger your health. Genuine people encourage wellness (even if it means you have less time for them).
Good people will respect the *limits* of your availability for each area of life and not imply that limits are inadequate (managing a disability requires carved out time), I find entitlement/encroachment/inorganic vibes inadequate if we're going there.
The problem was investing my soul too early before even seeing if it was solid ground.
If someone dislikes you because you said "no" to spending time and energy you do not have and made it clear that moving a mental disability wheelchair is not how love is shown, thank goodness! You dodged a massive bullet.
We do not need anyone who does not comprehend that schedule constraints are a fact of life or who makes *your* boundaries mean anything about them (emotional immaturity is not welcome in our lives).
I have better things to do than spending every waking moment gaining fake/fleeting acceptance (you cannot control their filters), as long as I'm within the realm of what I signed up for within the situation, then that's all that matters.
You can be around the wrong people, and feel judged, misunderstood, and dismissed, and consequently feel lonely because it's not the quantity of people, it's the quality. Low-vibrational haters, fakers, gossipers, takers, underminers, fake-caring nosey AF spies, the ones you just met 3 seconds ago yet try to bulldoze themselves into private information inappropriate for the level of connection at that moment, and so on... No thank you!
Being around people who claim they care, but don't understand. Those who claim they care, but you don't even feel comfortable telling them anything because of their dismissiveness, judgement, possibly using it to put even more stumbling blocks in your way, and utter superficiality based on their convenience, that's disconnection. In essence, real loneliness is when you're surrounded by the wrong people, but feel utterly alone. Lonely doesn't mean alone necessarily, because alone can be in solitude and solitude is a fabulous and beautiful thing. You only need a small quantity of the right quality of people!
Optional relationships really should not be adding stress to my life. If it's not making me happy, and it's derailing my own existing obligations, I'm really just not interested. It should be making everyone in the equation happy not just the demanding person (who is not the focal point of your life unless they're your child or dependent, put pushy people in their rightful lane by not disrespecting yourself to prove anything to people who actually do not deserve a seat at your table).
Tolerating fake friendships based on fake favours/added labour that we do not have energy for (we are already in the minus) isn't the way individuals with disabilities should navigate life. Additionally, considering our already limited capacities, our vital oxygen masks are nonnegotiable, sustaining our lives and ensuring long-term ability to put food on our table. We can embody a measure of grace and compassion without endangering ourselves in the process (as our core responsibilities lie within our own household first), as these energies need not be validated through proving ourselves.
Unreliable individuals who lacked commitment aren't my preference; they were draining. They vanish for years but expect a warm reception upon return, which doesn't align with my values (rare situations are rare and most of them are entitled leeches). I prioritize lasting (life-long and loving/pure-hearted) connections and don't invest in transient relationships. My time isn't expendable; it holds immense significance, deserving dignity and respect in how it's valued. Go use Google and Youtube, but leave me alone if you're looking to fake friendships for personal gain.
Another lesson is that fake people/people who want to mess with you (or try to) want you to think that your life somehow depends on their "acceptance" and opinion, in reality, it depends on your health and wellness. Their haterism is their own problem, never shoulder shame for merely "being you" as this is how they attempt to break your spirit. They want you to internalize their shady tactics. Do not!
The only people who disappear after you set a healthy boundary were leeches the whole time so you need to have a party and celebrate the gain of your mental peace. 🎉
I am not picky, I have standards.
I do not mind being called paranoid, overly in protection mode, or all sorts of nonsense by those mad that I am not open to nonsense. We should protect what we value!
Whoever wants to help (not hinder) you/your path will not stress you or burden you in any way, shape, or form. There won't be anything sneaky/underhanded. It is going to feel like peace.
In contrast, frenemies believe that throwing concealed jabs is going to help them advance or taking things from your hard work will help them succeed in life, the problem with doing that, rather than leaving people alone and minding their business rather than faking friendships for personal gain/hijacking other people's visions for personal gain in a manipulative manner that suits them, is that they are indirectly asking for not only bad karma (natural laws of the Universe) - but the doors are going to be shut in their faces if they think they're owed any of my energy. We can forgive, while refusing to put energy into soil that is not fertile. We are called to be good stewards of our resources.
The bottom line is that good people respect the conditions to your wellness and that is the case even if it means being less available to them, quality over quantity... that is how you know who is for you.
"Love all" means do no harm (bother no one, mind your own business) and rejoice not in the misfortune of others, "trust few" (access to you is reserved) means not all can walk this journey with you.
I don't have the time for people who attempt to use me even once, so even attempts are going to result in my utter disinterest because I don't have enough spare time to begin with. I am not here to explain the basics as the right people would not try to game you, ever! I don't have to be available to anyone and everyone in my personal life especially, my time is not an entitlement.
You can't give from an empty vessel. It's not selfishness; it's about prioritizing your mental health, mental energy, and your own household before tending to those who are worthy of your energy/causes of your choice.
No one is entitled to you, especially not the inconsistent ones who think you'll have time for them when they magically come back to show fake love (rarely is it genuine with non-committal fake people who play too much when it comes to matters of the heart). All you owe is doing no harm, but access to you is not without limits or your own intuition/standards.
Again, if it is not a registered charity of your choice, a dependent, and so on: it must bring you peace and be mutually up-lifting.
Why would you want to appease anyone who thinks that you should not be a priority in your own life and make yourself happy? If you're doing so while managing your obligations and harming no one, you don't have to appease any manipulative spirit to prove anything, you do not owe anyone that leverage or power over your emotions. You do not even "owe" them a seat in your life to start off with! Why would anyone external to you come before your oxygen mask and dependents? Only people who do not care for you for who you are and those with agendas (they're often pushy and forceful when it's highly unwarranted).
Anyone who values you as a person will never act like you exist for them, you exist for your purpose / your immediate household and then the extent of what you signed up for (if anything) for those outside of that so no, you have no unseen obligations to optional connections!
Remember that prioritizing your well-being and personal growth is not selfish—it's a crucial step towards living a balanced, happy, free, and fulfilling life (you're not a puppet and certainly not for those who bring nothing but demands, stress, and chaos but have no intention of reciprocating on their own accord because we no longer explain the basics). By choosing positive connections that align with your goals and values, you create a supportive environment that propels you forward. The energy and time you save by letting go of draining relationships can be channeled into your passions, aspirations, and overall happiness. So, be discerning in your connections, protect your energy, and forge a path that leads you towards the best version of yourself.
Nothing can discourage a fire that is from within. Let no one get in the way of your happiness, if they're not your kid/dependent: you owe them not a seat at your table.
Forgiveness granted, but access denied to anyone who counted you out. End of their part in your story, you're better off because appeasing a hater disguised as a "friend" doesn't change their character and no one with a sound mind themselves would rejoice in testing the limits of others or do any low-down sneaky plots as though that was normal. You're a warrior, you never needed them anyway! All they did was sabotage your efforts, so best wishes, but no thank you.
Focus on those who encourage you!
Not everyone is qualified to be in your life and this is nothing for which to apologize, life is very short.
We need clutter-free mental space for who and what is meant for us (not gossips, fakes, or agenda-laden snakes).
It's not about grudges, it's about carefully curating where we invest our precious time. Confidence (not arrogance, but let them hate, who cares).
If they try to sneak back in, remember that you actually don't "owe" anyone a place in your sacred life if they're not from your household and so on... Some need to be loved from a distance! Wish them well, but move on.
You won't need to "shed" as many people long-term if you don't allow the deadweight fake "friends" into your life in the first place once you learn to discern the spirit. We are called to guard our hearts and protect our wellbeing after all, this is critical to our purpose.
If it does not spark peace or joy, you don't invest in that. 💎
Guard your purpose with your life. You won't have time to hear the Universe's guidance with obnoxious people around you.
Nothing and no one that fell out of your life was meant to stay and they were probably hindering you.
Guard your heart and allocate access wisely, based on Spirit’s instructions.
Rebuke confusing spirits.
I would rather invest in the people I have known for decades who have seen me through thick and thin and mutually so. Life is so short that we just don't have the time for everyone and that's just a fact of life, so why would we spend it on the wrong people in the first place?
Spiritual depth from those I have known my whole life (diamonds) over pennies - any day. Quality means everything and frankly, we don't even have a lot of bandwidth so how big of a circle do you have time for? I don't want a squad, I have my small army.
If someone resents you winning, why are they in your life? No one is perfect, and we all make mistakes, but there are certain lines to not cross, one of them is to fail to be a cheerleader for you (mutually). Re-invest all of that energy into your ride or die heart-ties people.
If they're not encouraging your goals or level-up (mutually). It's not worth your investment.
You do what you can and it will be enough for the right people, but it will also never be at the expense of your own chosen vision (it doesn't matter what you miss out on as long as you're happy with your daily vision and purpose because focus is limited).
I just don't have time to translate my soul anymore.
If you love hard, you protect your heart.
Protect your peace, you worked hard for it! 🧿