Avoid
Wish them well, but life is too short to try to "prove" your forgiveness through forced reconciliation when they fumbled you.
***If you're happier after certain people left your life, then I think you made the right decision. Even if it's hard sometimes, your health and happiness and mental health matter. Their opinions don't pay your bills. If I put myself through school and lived on my own since 18, I can handle my life and I really don't need sneak-controllers to try to come back: I genuinely can't fit that in, I have obligations to tend to.***
It's not about not caring about XYZ, it's about being self-responsible for your time, bandwidth, and energy and knowing that you're the one managing your own survival and future.
Inconsistent people who do not pay your bills (not that you'd want them to, but just saying) and waste your time away from the conditions to your wellness and disability management time that is sacred: not only are you not responsible for them (if they're not your child or dependent), they're a hindrance to your life. Love is unconditional, relationship is not. No one owns another person.
Imagine wanting to ruin someone's life just because they no longer deal with you? You're only reinforcing the reasons they chose to walk away in the first place.
Those meant to be in your life or meant to come back into your life would never be pressuring you or being sneaky or manipulative, it would just feel organic. you would never be confused about their motives.
It is just common sense to avoid people who are connected to past people because otherwise, they still have access to your life and they can try to control you through them.
The cost of put-downs and sneaky controlling-ness is life-long and it was not a surprise when I left certain people. Anyone who complicates a challenging period in your life or a tough decision doesn't share your values. And that's alright. You don't need to keep them in your life; it's okay to leave past people in the past.
They loved me when I was weak and were kind back then, but when I grew stronger: I was shown no love.
If being around certain people or having them in your life lowers your vibration, that's a sign. It is also possible that certain people drift away naturally, and there is no reason to go against the natural flow of life.
If past people try to waltz back in suddenly and in a sneaky manner:
Why me?
Why now?
Ask yourself questions and trust your instincts.
I always trust my intuition with forceful people I just met: I don't owe you my information or a connection - it's *my* choice who I allow into my private life and I have no spare time so pushy people usually tell on themselves that they are coming at you with an agenda. They give off "monitoring spirit" vibes.
I have always had to fend for myself and look after myself (money matters as that's how we survive so acting like working while putting myself through school was supposed to give me a lot of spare time is way off) and so people who were only around when it was convenient for them or when I was complying with their wishes for my life are not going to be given a seat at this table just because they suddenly regret how they decided to handle certain things.
Forgiveness isn't trust, access, or reconciliation, trust your instincts on who deserves you and who does not, without criteria: you're allowing the conditions to your mental health to be destroyed by the wrong people. For what? It's not worth it. Keep a small well-vetted circle.
Controlling people will dislike your independence and try to subtly dismantle it to make you "need" them.
I don't mind dishing out restraining orders (among many other options) if I have to based on who is behind the group efforts.
The whole thing about being too trusting before is that it has cost me a lot, and I'm completely over it. I'm going to remain in my high spam filter era. I have dodged many bullets this way and trusted my intuition in terms of the increase of personal security and I'm happy about it.
Your selectiveness and discernment is only deemed to be "paranoia" from anyone who would benefit from you having no spam filter and likely just mad they could not manipulate you, oh well.
I don't have to give someone the opportunity to waste my time twice to prove my forgiveness, boundaries are very peaceful. Boundaries are instilling a major sense of peace. I choose who I allow into my life. Forgiveness is for ourselves, and it is not reentry or trust.
It's also important to mention that forgiveness does not mean that you have to rebuild or reconcile, or that you're at a place in your life where you even have the headspace. It shouldn't cost you the conditions to your mental health and disability management either.
I don't tell people I just met my business before I can assess whether or not they are gossipers or what their intentions are, guarding your heart is not personal and it's not an issue because a high-spam filter is a sign of self-respect.
And if they claim to have done oh-so-much for you, were they doing it out of kindness or were there strings attached?
Forgiveness is not:
Re-trust
Re-entry
Re-conciliation
Re-injury
Re-exposure
Guarding your heart isn't weak and you do not need to prove your strength by re-exposure for pointless reasons either, self-preservation is self-respect.
*Trust me, anyone who tries to air out your personal issues in front of others as a way to force, ambush, sneak, and orchestrate their way back into your life (backing you into a corner at work of all places as you're forced to engage) is kind of not looking out for your best interests and it's hard to explain to control freaks why their tendencies are what repelled you in the first place.*
No one is living in the past when they are taking the lessons with them and understanding that not everyone can be with you in the future, you can love them deeply, but that doesn't mean that the bond was healthy or that you have mental space to rebuild every single bond either.
Forgiveness does not mean you need to have anything to do with them in the future.
I also don't take advice from random people. I just met who are very forceful. Some of them are sneaky, but subtle, but I can still pick up on it.
A high spam filter isn't missing out on anything, it magnetizes blessings and repels all that is off.
Those seeking "revenge" for being cut off are showing exactly why they got cut off in the first place: extra-controlling tendencies (not the lack of self-awareness showing).
If you're happier and healthier without low-down negative and controlling people (who only showed love when you were weak), then you made the right decision. Always trust your instincts/gut/intuition.
People who try to sneak back into your life just want you back in their web of belittlement and control, and anyone who tries to rush/corner you/or sneak attack (but pretending to want to contribute when it's clear that it's a trap) that is showing even more red flags and showing you that it was the right decision.
A bulldozer sees you as their territory so if they cannot acquire you, they may try to come for you underhandedly and attempt to destroy your life. I don't want to have to take this route on past people, but I think my lawyers are better than theirs, I'm not going backwards to anyone, please leave me alone (the few people who are exceptions: I will initiate when ready).
It was convenience-based and all about them, they'd come in and out as they pleased and for the rest, love was only shown when I was weak. Sorry, but no thank you and some have previously tried to cause havoc on my workplaces (my freaking income and this like a crime to someone this independent in life) try to force me to depend on them indirectly or remove my resources so I stop being self-reliant by choice.
Does this sound like healthy love? Lacking self-awareness is what that sounds like.
It is already a red flag that they are trying to bulldoze your CHOICE and not let up.
It's a red flag if they also try to come back, fake nice, but try to trigger you so you explode and go back to depend on them.
If you feel like you can FLY after a connection gets disconnected, darling, you made the right choice as hard as it was. The solo-flyer years of my life created this Teflon inner spirit. I cry like everyone else, but clearly I am not easy to break and if I break, it's short-term.
It's not unforgiving to disallow anyone from toying with your psyche again, it's wise to let go with love, wish people well, and move on. If you're not the same person anymore, I doubt it would work and even then, it may not fit your current life and good ones don't force you.
The fairytale of (forced) reconciliation should not outweigh your common sense, only for them to come in when it's convenient and drain you of all your personal development and what you built on your own two feet? Why? No.
I bled too many times on the people who did not cause it to go back to anyone who did.
It's not about "not needing anyone", it's about the right ones only and not everyone is supposed to hit the mark, this is what being selective is about. I own that trait in myself and in fact, more of us should be discerning out here in these streets.
I stand for spiritual guidance and instincts, they can say they want the best for you but if their actions have shown you the opposite and their energy drains you, you're under no obligation to reconnect or fake-forced-relationship-it-up with everyone you've forgiven. I am not doing that. I have come too far to go backwards.
Nothing in the spirit realm forced in-the-flesh reconnection, forgiveness is energetic "peace" and even the Bible says to trust few. Where did we get the idea of inauthentic Hallmark card bullshit?
I am capable of standing on my decisions, the difference now is any direct or indirect attempts at forcing their way into my life (past people) will be handled via law enforcement or my lawyer, that's where the line needs to be drawn as it has to end at some point. 👏
Anyone who wreaks havoc as revenge for removing yourself clearly doesn't respect your choice. They think they "run" you.
I am not the broken little girl they used to be nice to, I am an evolution of the person I became when they stopped showing love the stronger I got and the belittlement started gradually, so I left. The rest, they were just fly-in-fly out. It's just a "let it go" type of thing.
I am not going to dignify foolish attempts at infiltrating my life by sneaky nonsense when I already made it clear that I am not going back to that. I won't even acknowledge it anymore as that would undermine my choice and it's becoming tired and straight up intrusive.
A wise person told me that changing cities won't stop their online cyber-attacks... I will stay in my city for as long as I please, I won't appease them by going backwards, and I'll have my small but powerful army protect me from past people who are doing too much.
Some have tried to sneak back in via past workplaces and weird bullshit like that. Messing with my joy source/work is never the way to go about anything and to have to spell this out stands to reason that their lack of other access points isn't something they're aware of or are they actively ignoring my decision?
It was never easy to end those past relationships, but I felt extremely shackled. I did not feel liberated, and I felt way too controlled and imprisoned by their limiting beliefs and their dogma. I couldn't take it anymore.
The rest not in my life consistently enough to make it make sense for them to carry through the rest of my journey with me, but for those of whom I may make an exception, I will be the one to go back when the time is right (and those ones are blood related). There's probably only two people in that whole list. I think they already know who they are.
Would not have aired out this laundry in public if they hadn't tried to sneak back in by very sneaky means. Lots of sneaky sneaky. I don't like it.
If they had something genuine to tell me, they would be straight up about it and would not be manipulative. They would not try to sneak around and act like it's nothing or be nonchalant. They would tell me straight up what they want from me. I don't have time to pull information out of people or to entertain nonsense, if they can't be straight up about what it is and why they are reaching out, it's probably nonsensical bullshit.
Any information that I need about anyone I may be concerned about is going to come to me intuitively. I wouldn't have to go through someone that I just don't deal with.
Make up all the lies that you want to form a pity party coalition, but leave me be.
If they were attuned to what you needed for your highest good (and theirs), they wouldn't push you. If it feels off, it is off. Your instincts are your inner GPS systems that fire based on both inner knowing and logical reasoning to the highest level, speeding up decisions.
If the roles were reversed, I would respect their wishes and back it all the way up and not even try to keep tabs by proxy, I would back off entirely. I would respect their wellbeing.
Who is worried about karma from me unless they did something in the dark to cause that worry? 🤔
It was like a constant stomping of my ambition as if that was a dirty word, I coud not take the envy anymore.
Love is not control.
Pure hearts only with no hidden agendas, no duplicity, and a genuine mutual appreciation for one another where it's not about personal gain but mutual personal growth and love.
Also, when you're busy providing for yourself and going after goals, you don't have time for fair-weather fake people. If they're not consistently in your life, I just don't understand the purpose. And I don't have time to take chances and waste time. They had their chance. I have suffered enough in life and I'm not going to hold myself back just because it's convenient for them now when I'm literally much older now. It's really not my problem at this point.
Who is meant for you won't arrive in the spirit of rush and confusion of intent.
You can't heal when constantly reminded and re-exposed when we're talking intense childhood trauma. I did what I needed to do to heal.
I wasn't going to pretend it was not as broken as it was just for an image.
Anyone trying to control your life choices and weaponizing their disapproval as something being wrong with you because they would have chosen differently than what you did in order to protect yourself in a semi-dangerous situation is someone you are going to be happier without.
Peace is a sign that you no longer having certain people in your life was a good thing (some do not see grey areas and dogma is a mental trap that I am not interested in).
You won't need to beg for commitment, consistency, and love in the right people... Never having had a consistent example of that growing up was what I needed to get through, now I provide it for myself. All else with a select few soul ties I met later in life is all I need and hopefully more to come.
Again...
You can care about XYZ and still not have unlimited time, energy and mental bandwidth, which is why you have to prioritize the real estate on your schedule. That's just common sense.
You can show your care about what is genuinely a value of yours in a multitude of non-traditional ways if your life and brain operate differently.
Unhealthy model of genuine love and safety to undo:
Relationship > ownership. If it was based on what was convenient for them and they had their own stuff, well now you have your own stuff and it's not convenient for you. Very few people are worth going back to.
If they didn't spend your formative years with you, they have to sit down with their expectations and realize that everything is a choice.
If someone seeks vengeance after you ended a relationship that was toxic and controlling, they are giving you all the reasons to be proud of your decision. Only those who respect your healing space (which some worsened) and peace deserve access to you.
If you lived without them and your most important years, why would you need them now? And why are they coming back now? What's their purpose? To waste your time and do the whole fly and fly out thing? I don't have time to take chances on people like that. I have way too much purpose in my life.
Inconsistent people who were in and out should not expect anything from you when you're now grown and fully independent... and they should also learn to mind their business (the fact that I was a foster child means I quite literally have no obligation to many people - it's all based on choice - and I mean that factually, not arrogantly).
Not minding one's own business is a sign of poor boundaries, something I don't tolerate. Those close enough to care would have access to me already or on their way to regaining access (due to respecting my mental processing space and healing space) based on my/mutual choice.
You can wish people well and also go your own way.
I have gone through enough in life that I'm just not interested in wasting my time. I deserve the best of my life for the rest of my life and the people who bring me any less than that in terms of genuine connection not just forced or based on false obligation, they can't come with me where I'm going.
Disinterest isn't beef and neither are the connections we outgrew.
The seeds of inconsistency reap poor harvests, it is what it is.
Everything I have: I got on my own, so if someone is in my life, it's because I want them there, I genuinely only need me. All else is a bonus.
For those of mutual choosing:
We do what we can while ensuring our basic health is being managed as with providing for ourselves, we are cognizant that no one will live forever, but they should have known that in your childhood?
Selfish is whoever is trying to pop in and out of your life as they please. Managing your health condition and providing for yourself and ensuring your mental health is fully protected is basic self-responsibility. If they're not a dependent, they aren't above your basic brain function and should respect that people have lives.
Choosing to work with a disability doesn't leave real estate for much else, and that's fine with me as my quality of life is higher under my own definition of it.
Distance and space should make your heart fonder, not relieved: that is how you know.
I tend to miss the right people who resonate with the evolved version of me and the choices I made to preserve myself and my safety throughout the years (not the control freaks who made it harder for me as if adding insult to injury was ever appropriate), the people who do not vilify me for being true to my authentic self, the space-respecting ones. The ones who want you confident and empowered.
You don't have to mortgage your future and your goals just because certain people made certain choices at certain times in their lives that now have natural side-effects, you don't have to hold yourself back when you're an adult just because people were absent when you were a child. I need consistent people only and certain people have expired their chances while others will be of my choosing and by invitation only.
Love all, trust few.