Embracing the Freedom of Being Unapologetically Me: A Journey of Overcoming the Need to Over-Explain
In a world where validation often feels synonymous with understanding, I found myself trapped in the cycle of over-explaining, seeking reassurance, and constantly justifying my thoughts and actions (to people who are not even stakeholders in my life or my craft, which makes it even worse). It was exhausting, emotionally draining, and ultimately futile. However, through a transformative journey, I learned to let go of this need to be understood by everyone and embraced the liberating truth that the right people won't need constant explanation.
The Burden of Over-Explaining:
For as long as I can remember, I felt compelled to over-explain myself in almost every situation. Whether it was expressing my opinions, defending my choices, or simply sharing my perspective, I couldn't shake the nagging feeling that I needed to provide a thorough explanation to ensure others truly understood me.
People will see you through their own filters no matter what, so as long as you're not harming anyone and staying in integrity with your values, you're not in the wrong automatically just because someone doesn't like you for not being who they want you to be for their own convenience or agenda.
Being yourself is a powerful spam filter!
This need for validation stemmed from a fear of being misunderstood or rejected, leading me to invest excessive time and energy into justifying myself (even when those I was justifying myself to were not the type that resonated with me or ever would no matter what I said or how).
The Turning Point:
It wasn't until I reached a breaking point that I realized the toll this habit was taking on my mental and emotional well-being. I was constantly seeking external validation, trying to mold myself into what I believed others wanted me to be. But in the process, I lost sight of my authentic self. It was then that I made the conscious decision to break free from this cycle and reclaim ownership of my narrative (knowing that anything and anyone meant for me long-term would not cost me my oxygen mask and the basic conditions to my ongoing mental functioning).
See, I was rewarded for over-achieving as a child so it is as if I never broke out from the chase of extrinsic rewards, until I started to cultivate self-trust and belonging from within first. I fell in love with the process of chasing the right goals for the fun of it, and then the rewards simply became a side-effect of fulfillment.
Embracing Authenticity:
Finally, I began my journey towards self-liberation by redefining my relationship with validation. Instead of seeking approval from others, I focused on validating myself and honoring my own truth. I embraced the idea that not everyone would understand or agree with me, and that was perfectly okay. I learned to trust my instincts and stand firm in my convictions, regardless of external validation.
Letting Go of Perfectionism:
One of the biggest obstacles on my journey was overcoming perfectionism (this was deeply rooted). I had to accept that I wasn't perfect and that it was okay to make mistakes. I realized that constantly striving for perfection was not only unattainable but also stifling my growth and authenticity. By letting go of the need to be flawless, I gave myself permission to be imperfectly human, flaws and all.
Cultivating Authentic Connections:
As I shed the layers of over-explanation, I discovered a newfound sense of freedom in my connections with others. I no longer felt the need to justify myself or seek validation at every turn. Instead, I focused on building genuine connections with people who accepted me for who I was, quirks and all. I learned to value quality over quantity, prioritizing relationships based on mutual understanding and true acceptance.
The Power of Self-Acceptance:
Ultimately, my journey led me to the realization that the most important validation comes from within. By embracing my authenticity and letting go of the need to over-explain, I found a profound sense of self-acceptance and inner peace. I no longer felt burdened by the opinions of others, knowing that the right people would see and appreciate me for who I truly am.
Finding Freedom in Authenticity:
In overcoming the need to be understood and over-explain myself, I discovered the transformative power of authenticity. By embracing my truth and trusting in the validity of my own experiences, I liberated myself from the suffocating grip of external validation. Today, I stand unapologetically in my authenticity, knowing that the right people will accept and appreciate me exactly as I am. And in that acceptance, I have found true freedom.