Odd Strangers
***I don't care how many platforms that someone has online, no one is obligated to sharing personal information in their day-to-day life that they don't want to share and no connection or friendship should be forced in any way, shape, or form. We have the right to protect ourselves and preserve our quiet time for basic disability management away from encroachment and pushy people with agendas.***
Everyone has a right to be mentally shut off (not performative or social time) during certain segments of their life because that is how they maintain their mental energy to make sure that their *existing* commitments are actually taken care of and it's about quality and not quantity.
There should be a qualification process before somebody just enters your life, especially if you're very short on time and mental energy and that's not being a snob or rude. It's called self-respect.
No one is "on" or in networking mode 24/7 and I am not interested in anyone expecting me to forgo my relaxation time for which I pay. Speculative ROI does not interest me, my wellness does - which requires a lot of quiet time free from shallow or forced chatter and mental clutter.
There is nothing wrong with being an internal processor and I'm glad that introversion is becoming more normalized because it's not a person outside of yourself that is going to tell you how much social time you need, it's about quality over quantity.
It's not a stranger that is going to start telling me what I need - which is a tactic to mold me to their liking or agenda of the day (these manipulators are experienced, but their pushy demeanour reveals it easily if you're attuned with intuition). 🚩
We need *only* the right people and we cannot have energy for everyone, proximity doesn't mean they're not a liability who will hinder you by their clear pushiness and idiocy in ignoring signals. Not to mention that a spa area is usually STFU time. I am not kidding when I say: protect your peace from the opportunists.
Anyone who tries to take away your freedom to choose who you allow into your life or what you have time for is a soul-killer in essence (a suffocat-or regardless of whatever bullsh*t theory they pull to justify quantity over quality of connections), we do realize this right?
If it doesn't fit the segments of your life where you're actually available, it means you don't have time for it.
That's part of life.
No amount of control tactic, pushiness, or convincing will change that. It's harder to pull that sh*t on introverts who like a small circle.
If you're trying to strip someone's right to choose who they allow into their *personal* lives, you're trying to strip them of their personal autonomy and humanity, that's insane.
Limited mental bandwidth = limited social energy, don't get it? Certainly not my problem especially that I won't allow random pushy people to waste my time on multiple counts and then make me explain time and energy limits.
Explaining yourself to people who don't naturally "get it" will give away your personal power and lower your energetic vibration, we choose who we let into our lives and easily hidden forcefulness is a sign to have no dealings with such people. I have a smaller social battery. You won't get a welcome mat into my personal space from me on demand so go find someone else to control and feed your insatiable ego's need for dominance.
*Not a person on this planet has a right to erode your right to boundaries, your right to choices and your right to basic self-expression as long as you're not harming others, those who look to destroy your personal freedom have no place in your life.*
People who are soothing to your soul will actually enjoy encourage autonomy and respect you for being yourself, they are not going to make you responsible for *their* insecurities around the boundaries of others or the mere existence of boundaries (they won't try to control you).
The right people back off the first time when you don't want to share your personal information or anything about you just because of proximity and they don't try to force their way into your life like a bully... That is not psychologically safe. It is eroding basic autonomy!
Always be careful with the people who want to know too much about you too soon and think that you're obligated to give them your personal information, those are the ones that you need to stay away from.
The person who seemingly ambushed me in the steam room at my gym tried to tell me that women are less strong than men, that women should not lift weights, and they should depend on men for providing for them so that they can do their creative thing on the side and they can quit their job as well. A random stranger tried to get me to quit my job indirectly. Is it because this person risked their livelihood and mouths to feed for some random side-hustle (with such a small market) of theirs and wanted me to drown when I have made it clear I love my job? Misery loves company? Stupidity and irresponsibility too?
Jealous because this person had no stability on which to build their side-hustle, and I am building mine?
People like this are the reason I keep my circle small as they're very unwise and they try to pull you down with them - despite just meeting you. Her opinion was so forceful.
This person also implied that people can exert revenge by finding better pastures as if giving up what we earned is a solution, she seemed too scripted. 🚩
You'd think she was paid by demons (figuratively)!
This person was also trying to convince me to add more friends to my life when I already said I am busy. Such people straight up disrespecting the fact that I require quiet time to recharge and my existing small circle has nothing to do with being closed off, it's literally about logistics.
If I miss my recharge time, I cannot work. I don't expect demonic forces to give a sh*t, but I thought I would mention why I guard my quiet time for which I pay. I should be able to use the amenities I pay for in peace.
Befriending is fine if there are no ignored signals, pressure is not.
***A genuine connection will never try to infiltrate the private/designated quiet parts of your life, basic zones of wellness do-not-disturb time and they will accept that you're simply unavailable. Otherwise, they have an agenda. They're an intruder who must be removed.***
We get to decide which segments of our schedule and lives are deemed to belong to mental recharge vs. our curated small circle so the "get out of your comfort zone" or "we are social creatures" people are showing massive disrespect for boundaries when respecting autonomous choice over who we allow into our lives is basic humanity, we may be "social creatures" but basic comprehension of neurodiversity means we choose who and when.
Any pressure to form forced friendships from any angle is showing a level of control issues and disrespect of humanity, autonomy, and free will.
Frankly, anyone who respects me will respect my wellness criteria, even if it doesn't make sense to them, and they would never try to force me beyond my comfort and capacity limits, time-wise or energy-wise. I really can't tolerate pushy people.
I barely take advice except from trusted experienced experts, so random strangers telling me to go into entrepreneurship as a disabled person with limited working hours are hired by demons (figuratively). Do not interrupt my spa time for nonsense, my circle is full.
***Normal people back OFF when you refuse giving your information (your choice around time and energy limits, you don't report to these controllers), this demonic force would not. She clearly had an agenda to try to be a destiny thief indirectly, and a quiet-time thief. By the time the orchestrators are done, they may land in the pit they tried to dig for me.***
We may be happier in a community setting (but I need a smaller circle than most)... The first tenet of humanity is autonomy over who we let into our private lives and who has a right to speak into our lives.
It is actually our choice where that community comes from and which area of our lives we deemed to be social or not, and if I say that a certain area of my life is not social time, expect that to be respected. I'm not going to have any entitled person to run up in my life and tell me how to spend my only time to disconnect and my only alone time all week to manage my severe disability. That's not a genuine person, that is someone looking to take something from me at my own expense and I'm not going to allow it. I pay my membership fees and I mind my own business.
I get to choose when to be social or not in any area of my life. No one is owed a part of me especially not in an entitled manner with a clear agenda!
Someone sharing their opinion in passing and in genuine conversation is different than a person who seems very scripted in trying to convince me that entrepreneurship is right for someone with an invisible disability and limited working hours. It sounds like they were hired by the devil.
It's not a comfort zone, it is earned stability and no baseline means no good business decision. I don't listen to trolls.
Stay out of my home, gym time, and spa.
My circle is closed.
Stupid McGee also got into my space and gave me hugs in a manner where she was waiting for a reaction or something, almost like she was trying to trigger me as I could sense this was not genuine.
Even if I did have a problem with people invading my personal space... (it is situational for me, like in situations where it's not a cramped space or there's no logical reason for it except someone who is pathetically animalistic and intrusive)... who cares?
Why would anyone judge the cultural sensitivities of another person?
What is it to them?
If they have a different boundary, they can go find other people who are similar to them. Who is bothered by someone else's personal space boundary except for a potential intruder? I don't even know why that matters.
Why would anyone judge the cultural sensitivities of another person? What is it to them? If they have a different boundary, they can go find other people who are similar to them. Who is bothered by someone else's personal space boundary except for a potential intruder? If you're not in my immediate household or immediate circle, they don't need to understand it.
Why would anyone be bothered by someone being guarded about their physical body? Only people who like to violate innately and universally "ought to have known" boundaries for fun probably.
And if I had not remained calm which I did as I could sense she had ulterior motives, who cares? I don't think that diminishes my credibility if I had said something (but I choose my battles, and I did not plan on keeping this leech around).
Either way:
No one you've recently met should have the privilege to touch you without invitation, except perhaps for a handshake, if appropriate.
The reason I'm saying that I choose my battles is that I don't argue with stupid and people who are stupid enough to try to force their way into my life in the first place in a manner that isn't flattering in the slightest, but undermining my personal sovereignty over my own life and who I allow into it (super basic humanity 101, I do not tolerate persistent controllers who are showing these traits super early on) - as if it wasn't my final decision who I allow into my life as the autonomous human being that I am.
I'm not the extension of someone else's agenda, and that's the kind of people that twist anything against you so I want to make those parallels between toxic people and toxic environments to explain why silence is often the best response to a fool likely sent by other fools to do their dirty work.
Good people are very chill about it and not pushy. They're not forcing anything on others, they only make their interest known cordially if it's even good timing, without pressure and force, and never to the contrary of social signals that show someone is in F*** OFF mode.
Their desire to take something from you isn't superior to your right to refuse anything unwanted and not allow anyone to steamroll your wellness requirements or need for quiet time (their understanding is not actually your problem, neither is their reaction).
Anyone who wants you to justify your quiet time to mentally recharge and use amenities for which you pay in peace is acting like your oxygen mask requires their approval and they're wasting your time (and literally undermining your well-being which is a responsibility you owe to yourself).
**Why would you want future dealings with them?***
Pushy people have an agenda regardless of their creative guilt-trips.
Basically:
A hater doesn't hate "how" you set your boundary or how you said it - as depending on the relationship or lack thereof, no explanations are needed, their M.O. is to over-ride free will and get the target to drop their guard... They appear docile, but the pattern of their actions show an agenda.
They hate anything with autonomy and even things said with a smile (firm without explanations) trigger their deeply rooted desire to control other human beings as this gives them a sense of power "over" another, they cannot feel good about themselves any other way so they act like destiny thieves (or try to).
It's not possible to "connect" with domineering people who don't respect privacy levels and free will or do not view you as a "whole" person in charge of choosing what you will and will not reveal, it should be gradual and not needlessly vulnerable.
Grace is in, intrusion is out.
Those who attempt to intrude into your contented life, despite your satisfaction with a small circle and lack of desire for more connections, usually have ulterior motives or aim to persuade you against your wishes.
They could be a "great" or "good" person, but you just don't have the time or the energy to keep up with more people and you would not have the time to stay in touch so if they can't respect that, they're literally telling on themselves that they have ulterior motives because genuine people mutually respect each other's wellness and time. this includes dignity and free will to choose who you allow into your life/how you spend YOUR time (your property - it belongs to YOU - and your right to choices) that is the most tenet tenet of humanity/autonomy.
***Protecting your mental recharge time, when you have so little of it, is protecting quality of life with ADHD and your future. Clearly I did not understand that before. That intervention saved me. Now I fiercely (but peacefully) protect gym, spa, and home time with my life.***
Be careful with forceful intruders - no one wants to be your friend *that* badly - there's agenda:
Some will pretend to be friends to gather damaging information or fabricate it by trying to invade your space to trigger a reaction so the crazy-makers can paint you as crazy.
You don't need to engage with such individuals AT ALL; they'll twist your words and feign concern only to gather ammunition against you.
I don't consider interrupting someone I don't know/who is visibly resting in spa-mode or focusing on their workout with massive headphones a trait of someone who respects cues, space, and energy... I can't muster up the energy to explain "zones of privacy" nor am I desperate for fake friends.
They feign concern, but their actions show disrespect to your time and refusal. Their mannerisms are telling on themselves.
Anyone who you just met who is not understanding/respecting disinterest has an agenda. I understand that not everyone can read social cues, but some people are genuinely just disregarding it because they want to persist and the other thing is that if it's already that pushy and ridiculous, there is no need to allow those people closer to you. They are way too much trouble already.
The only acceptable response to a boundary around your mental health and wellness is OK and thank you for letting me know, any level of pushing nonsense is a straight ticket to the door because I don't have time to explain my disability to random people that I just met who think that there's somehow entitled to real estate on my schedule when I'm struggling to sleep on time and do the basics of nutrition sleep and basic maintenance for self-preservation, not to mention: manage my existing circle
Giving people space and not degrading their freedom to choose who they allow into their lives if they even have the energy is dignity and the first tenet of humanity is personal autonomy and space.
You're not obligated to justify yourself, particularly to those who disregard your time, energy, and boundaries.
You don't need to explain yourself to those who prioritize their own desires (what they want from you) over your rights and the basics of survival which you cannot outsource and are responsible to do for yourself.
No one who respects you will expect self-sacrifice.
It's not a new "connection" that comes before what you know you require for your mental wellness, and genuine ones will respect your wellness and not try to place themselves above it, period. It's my new screening tool: are they stupid or smart about disabilities?
I am not entertaining ignorance in my personal life and for free!
I would not overbook myself for anything unrelated to my household, survival, and revenue-generation, and small circle as insomnia buffers and survival comes first and I don't need a "reason" to refuse to expend my limited energy or allow anyone into my circle, it's my decision.
Trust your instincts. 💯
We would not have to protect ourselves if evil masquerading as good did not exist, it is what it is. 🧿
What do we give to those who don't respect the methods, means, and limits of our availability and who are not our children or dependents?
It's not possible to miss out on something or someone you don't have time for and it's a matter of logistics, it has nothing to do with how good of a person they are and if they're as good of a person as they say they are, they're not going to try to force themselves into your life. There's nothing wrong with the friending people, I think there's something wrong with being too forceful.
Draw some "unavailable" lines around your recharge time... This is a good way to test the spirit.
There are possibly "past" people who hacked my iPhone and this string of random strangers who have forcefully tried to "befriend" me without letting up may or may not be linked.
All I can say:
Only people actively *in* my life need to be concerned about my life so if they're not in my life, they have no reason to send a third-party because if they need to do that, we are not close enough for that concern to take place (typically feigned as a ruse to shake my privacy).
No one who values your personal autonomy over your wellness and life would get in the way of those things or demand explanations as you're not to justify yourself to strangers who are trying to manipulate you into acquiescing to their desires at your expense.
If my disability is a part-time job on its own and I am choosing to work and to have a side-hustle, it stands to reason that a tiny small circle is all I can afford. Anyone being a "good" person doesn't mean I have the mental energy and I designate some segments of my life as quiet/OFF-LIMITS, I don't explain my wellness, I PROTECT it. 🛡️
I don't need excess social time, I need excess quiet time due to a loud brain.
Why would someone with a disability / multiple jobs entertain anyone who thinks that they come above their mental health survival mask (which is alone time or gym time aside from true obligations) when they bring nothing to the table but pushy / bulldozing energy? Big no no.
Those who want explanations on matters outside their jurisdiction, the pushy ones, the bulldozers, the people who undermine your autonomy in your own affairs: they don't want you empowered. I don't explain or defend my wellness, I peacefully remove the obstacles and uneducated time-wasters on who I wouldn't waste a millisecond explaining. 🚩
You cannot take everyone with you and anyone who expects you to not have a life especially upon first meeting you is signalling deception, being choosy how you spend your time, energy, and heart isn't rude or mean: this is basic math and self-respect, our survival depends on being wise with our energy and time. All seats in my life are earned, not broken into by force.
Interrupting my oxygen mask that is exercise (even with medication) if you're not my child/dependent is considered intrusive in my books and I don't welcome that into my life, certainly not the pushy people doing this for sport.
Thinking they've above my survival/obligation towards my wellbeing first as a responsible adult with a life where health and un-bothered quiet time precede it is a character trait I want to keep far away from me.
Never underestimate my capacity to cut off bad vibes immediately. It won't be possible to infiltrate my life to toy with my destiny or chosen path(s) and those who tried or try will inevitably find themselves caught up in a web and trip themselves up on their own with no effort on my part.
There's the ring leader and everyone else IMHO is guilty by association, I don't associate with anyone linked to anyone who has tried me on any level or anyone with similar character traits, beliefs, thinking patterns. I can tolerate differences, but my personal circle is mine.
My small circle is a reflection of me not having spare time to entertain just anybody and my intuition tells me who is there to use/discard aka hinder me and slow me down under any guise to conceal their motive vs. who is there to uplift and respect my boundaries/wellness.
Friendship should never be forced under any circumstances, as doing so is dehumanizing and undermines personal autonomy. Everyone has the right to choose who they allow into their circle and what information (if any) they reveal in their daily private life regardless of online platforms.
My nutrition, mental health, physical fitness, and sleep cannot be outsourced. Respectfully: you're not actually that good of a connection if you think that you come before my unique oxygen mask. No one is going to force their way into my life if I haven't made that abundantly clear. I choose who is in my private life and what I do or do not have time for.
Taking your power back is removing their control over how you view yourself (removing their grips on your psyche) and their attempt to derail your path, it is choosing to only be around those who respect your right to having basic needs, wants, rights in any matter involving you.
The right people will not require explanations as to why you do not want to overexert yourself during the segments of your life that belong fully and solely pouring back into yourself (the cup you pour out from) for your baseline mental health and functioning. The very people who need explanations (even despite not being owed any) are the wrong people for you and this is a very good weeding out mechanism. If anyone outside of your household thinks that they come before your disability, oxygen mask and quite recharge time, (if that's your jam, for example), they are not for you, it's really that simple.
Boundaries do not "ruin" healthy relationships or drive away trustworthy individuals. Respectful people understand and honour boundaries, as well as personal limits.
They won't attempt to manipulate you or force you into situations that make you uncomfortable or pressure you to disclose personal information you prefer to keep private.
Few real people > high quantity of fake takers/users/deadweight.
Not having unlimited time for everything and everyone is a fact of life. I am not sure I see any issue with that, it won't be an issue to purposeful and busy people who depend on their own inner resources mostly.
Accepting my nature rewarded me with amazing brand deals and the right lane remix (both the ADHD and introversion). So... Comfort zone haters can kindly remove themselves from my vicinity. It's not your best interest, but their convenience or agenda that they're seeking when a random thinks that their opinion can change your mental wiring (not sure where they got their medical degree).
No one outside my household comes before the conditions to my mental health as I derive it from within and carve out time to intentionally cultivate it.
This is a personal responsibility that I own, I am simply not allowing encroachment on those time-blocks for a severe disability.
Not every "group" or so-called "community" is for you, especially if the core function of that segment of your life is for something else aka quiet, alone, and focus time (like using the equipment and amenities in peace and minding your business). Everyone has a right to choose what they do with their time and space in any area of life... And not be pressured and forced.
Introverts need alone time to recharge and it's not something I'm going to be explaining to grown adults. This is why we choose our circle wisely. We also get to decide which segment of our lives belong to which purpose. If you think you can decide for us, you have some control issues.
Never waste words on anyone who may potentially twist the words and boundaries against you (or who closely resembles people who have done this in the past), don't engage if possible or more than necessary (don't give detail as they may use that to formulate their objections or justifications by which they may disrespect your lines further). Disengage quickly.
It's not possible to miss out on anything I don't have time for and "good" people respect that space and they don't try to push you around and push their way into your private life with any guise or happier in community bullsh*t theory when time is a math equation and people have obligations/lives and those who seek to make that more difficult or get in the way are already showing traits of control issues (you don't need future dealings with people who don't respect your time and energy in the now).
Their goal (a pushy, intrusive, annoying person who feels entitled to any part of you) is to paint you in the worst possible light to defend their boundary violations and truly: a genuine "community" doesn't intrude, interfere, and get in the way of people who are simply not interested/visibly busy or don't have time.
The "we are happier in community" doesn't change that some segments of my life are "off-limits" for recharging via alone time and peacefully using the amenities unbothered (I don't pay money to have more demands made on my time, go find someone else because I am not a fit if you're seeking a gym buddy) which is psychologically healthy for both introverts and extroverts. Neurodiversity 101!
I won't be defending my disability oxygen mask and my choice to provide for myself independently to strangers.
No one genuine will try to "nicely" push you into time-or-energy-debt to take something from you under the guise of it being for your own "good" or "helpful" to you like a manipulative leech. You are simply being responsible by not spending energy and time that you do not have because that's going to get you into time debt and render you incapable of fulfilling your core obligations like a responsible adult or functioning at a baseline with a disability. Forget anyone who doesn't respect the existence of energy and time limits. Not for you! You're not there to fit in, you're there as a paying client anyway, you use the space and bother no one - the end. I have never met a spa or workout interruptor that I like! Nope. Never. Common sense reads signals.
If you know me well, you will know that my gym time is off-limits so don't try it with me and expect to be in my good graces (it's very hard for me to justify dealing with pushy people that aren't adding anything to my life except stress). 🚩
I go to the gym for a mental vacation, not to socialize. That's my critical time to mentally recharge with ADHD. I am not there to entertain anyone.
It would be unhealthy to be in networking mode 24/7, reserve your right to be left alone in certain segments of your life and the right people will respect your wellness and peace.
I have little patience for individuals who assume the lives of complete strangers should cater to their demands (that their lives revolve around them). This isn't about whether humans are inherently social, but about respecting personal time and boundaries. Everyone has the right to choose who they allow into their lives.
Not everyone desires constant social interaction and needless chatter, and needing to explain this to an adult suggests they might not have enough happening in their own life.
I want no future dealings with bulldozers.
The conditions to my mental health are more important than what pushy people want to promote as "community" as an excuse to force themselves onto others because good people respect schedules, busy signals, time, and energy limits...
Everyone has a right to choose who they let into their personal life and personal space, I'm pretty sure this is like basic free will/humanity 101. Oneness is incentive not to harm, that has nothing to do with not having any boundaries. Sneaky people may use that as an excuse to impose themselves on others, but you don't have to fall for their bullshit.
If I don’t know you and you act as though I owe you my time, that’s all the more reason for me to distance myself from you.