INFJ with ADHD

INFJ with ADHD

Being too close to the wrong people can damage your well-being. 

- Unknown

Love all means obey the law and do no harm, it is *very* Biblical to trust few and know that not only is trust earned, we're called to test the spirit. Nowhere are we instructed to be stupid, foolish, or naive.

Cut off the toxic manipulators early. These are the forceful people who manipulate circumstances to make it seem like you "owe" them a connection, nope, your circle is your choice. 

You can feel bad for the people you’re choosing to distance yourself from (it’s never easy to do that), wish them well, while also understanding that you’re not responsible for their reaction to your boundary and decision. You can't set a boundary while managing their emotions.

If someone has a problem with how you manage your wellness, that means they have a problem with your survival and oxygen mask, is that someone that you want any anywhere near your life? Probably not. Genuine people encourage you to take care of what you need to do to survive. They won't cause delays or create more difficulty for you.

I am surprised that the trash way I used to eat (takeout multiple days / week due to lack of time for carved out for health) vs. now isn't showing as much damage as anticipated. Focusing on sleep, nutrition, exercise, meds = ADHD levers: none of which can go to the wayside. 

The ability to see myself clearly for who I truly am, the ability to spot deception from miles away before it even happens, and the ability to stand by my boundaries around health and what keeps me alive is just the tip of the iceberg of what came out from dealing with clowns.

Besides...

I don't see any joy or purpose coming from fitting in when you're meant to be different, but also that those differences are meant to be setting the parameters on how you live and work, which is actually a positive thing...

Overflow, not depletion:

Having limits and health requirements is *human* and you enforcing those is normal (not bad, rude, unkind, uncaring), this is basic self-responsibility and anyone who has an issue with this is showing that you being responsible for your wellness is an obstacle to their agenda.

Identify takers:

Those mad at you having healthy limits and keeping order in your life, especially with a health condition, are essentially saying "how dare you have basic human rights to dignity, privacy, and choices" and "how dare I not come before your oxygen mask of health requirements" (sleep, nutrition, fitness, quiet time that you can't outsource)?

Bread-crumbing is false help and false praise and nonsense that covers up the real intentions so that you do not catch on and remain under their grip.

Why would anyone who isn't a dependent come before the basics of the unique conditions to your mental health?

I think that anyone who doesn't pay your bills, fund your dreams, manage your household: has no credibility to speak on how your time is managed, so remember this anytime anyone has the audacity to run up in your life like they're some sort of God or guru, pay it no mind. Let the control freaks go play somewhere else.

I would be extremely confused if you were expected not to test the spirit and not to trust your instincts... and anyway, how many new people do you even have time for in your life to begin with? We need to be logical about logistics here.

***Some haters will feign concern so as to invade your privacy. You must be careful who you share your goals with and run a very tight ship. A lot of haters don't hiss. My small circle is what makes me happy and I don't need too many people knowing my business, period.***

Maybe I broke free from too many controlling connections (who brought nothing to the table except draining me and disrespecting my time with multiple jobs and a disability) and now I love my personal freedom and I am careful who I let into my life: this is a natural response.

Not everyone is checking up on you, some want to know if their behind-the-scenes effery is working. 

The first rule of survival is to ensure you have your own oxygen mask on before assisting others, and you can be certain that most people will prioritize securing their own interests before offering help.

You can't convince people who take things personally that *your* personal boundaries (time, space, energy, information) are not about them, because you can't control their feelings or reactions, that burden is not on you.

Our worth is not what we do / have or give / worthiness is innate and it is our birthright. All else is a choice, health first.

I rather be an example of health than a never-ending cycle of hustle with zero constraints or controls for rest, nope. Not again. Not me.

💙

When it comes to your personal circle: If your worthiness is only about what you do for other people, you're around the wrong people. Your worth is innate. They should want to be around you for who you are, not what you have / do.

Why would anyone expect you to forgo your sanity so they can feed their self-importance through you or use you at your own expense? It’s not your responsibility to prove anything to anyone or to explain yourself to demons, and you do not need to suffer due to their misplaced need for control (over others). Their self-esteem should come from within.

As an INFJ with ADHD: nobody can fill our own cups better than we can with our own energy generated from within with guaranteed and carved out personal space and personal time - we are not on the sidelines of our own lives expecting our goals to achieve themselves without asserting our main character role in our own lives.  

You're signalling to the Universe that you aren't committed to your destiny and your birthright to abundance and health if you let toxic people and clutter remain in your life. It's crucial to be mindful of who we allow into our lives, and I will keep emphasizing this point.

We do not have to allocate mental resources to anything that:

Isn't equally yoked.
Doesn't come correct.
Isn't fertile soil.
Has fake ROI.
Not reciprocal.
Delays us.

...Unless it's a charity of choice or child/dependent. We have the final say in being stewards of our resources.

"That's not the business I am in" is not only acceptable, it is the *only* way to guard a disability/ADHD oxygen mask and show up for existing commitments and charities with full mental presence (fully mentally switching off is a sign of commitment to longevity). #adhd

Selfishness or "bad" or "evil" is seeking to control, coerce, exploit, and manipulate for personal gain at whatever cost to them (i.e. seeking to impose oneself in the lives of others, take their resources, or benefit off of them). Self-responsible is protecting your peace and having boundaries. Everyone has energy and time limits, what is rude is expecting people to have none.

Boundaries are not uncaring or unkind - it's the enforcement of our right to personal choices without any justification (someone asking us anything could result in a "no" as a valid answer as we have personal freedoms), boundaries self-respecting, and most people would just respect it and move on. What is "uncaring" is expecting people to not have limits on their time, energy, and health (which lacks empathy for the space and choices of others). You can care about XYZ, and not have time for everything. You are not supposed to have time for everyone and everything in the first place.

If you're upset because someone exercises their free will to refuse, you should reflect on your own delusion of entitlement as asking anything of anyone garners a chance of them refusing (which is protecting what is theirs and choosing how their limited energy is allocated).

Evil would be harming others or wishing ill without remorse, being a wise steward of your resources and guarding the fences around your wellness and quiet space that render you able to function in terms of providing for yourself and focusing: that's basic personal responsibility and personal protection. 

You're cheating on your customers, purpose, and core priorities when you try to spend energy and time you do not have. Without enough solitude via gym time and home time, I stop functioning so I guard that as "brain shut off" time / "alone" time so my brand/craft continues.

If it doesn't fit the segments of your life where you're actually available, it probably means you don't have time for it. 

That's part of life.

We understand our need for less social time as introverts and those who "get" us: respect our gym and home time is off-limits as *we* suffer the consequences of lacking quiet time (being drained): it's our wiring - not a disease - especially with ADHD, two jobs, and a crash day.

Making sure you're taken care of (by you) first is self-responsible, let the boundary-haters go play with someone else.

Love all means obey the law, it doesn't mean automatic admission into your private life, personal goals, and plans. Your private life is your choice.

Don't go bankrupt energy-wise or time-wise (red zone) to prove anything to anyone: it's never a requirement in healthy situations or connections. You can't sustain that type of nonsense, respect your own limits and repel all that doesn't. 🙏

I am not an extension of anyone, I have a right to protect my privacy and personal information and recharge time (I choose who I share what with and when: this is basic dignified autonomy, this is what humanity is about: dignified sovereign choice) and anyone who wants to take that as a personal offense is free to do as they please.

"No" does not require explanation unless it is someone I am close to.

Anyone who makes you feel selfish for having boundaries or expects you to justify your responsibility to yourself/your need for self-care is the one with the problem, as they mistakenly believe they own your time and energy (you don't need that in your life).

Guaranteed rest is a ventilator for all health conditions or disabilities, this is known with or without the full details (respect doesn't require knowing). It's not reducing business hours, it is ensuring the time that already belongs to health/personal obligations is untouched.

And anyone having done anything for you doesn't entitle them to a place in your life if they have not respected you overall, relationship not ownership. 

Odd are the people who think boundaries are evil because they are mad they can't use others against their free will and people are responsible for their own conditions to proper functioning which requires quiet and rest - precisely so we can give from overflow to our causes.

Allowing the wrong people into your life to any degree is a threat to your mental health and peace.

Goodness isn't measured by lacking self-respect/spending time you don't have as genuine ones (who aren't your dependents) wouldn't require self-sacrifice. They'd encourage your self-preserving wellness space buffers. You're not infringing on anyone by owning your survival first.

Personal time and personal space to mentally recalibrate with a severe disability:

Boundaries are viewed as bad and evil to those lacking in self-love (they're not respecting your right to choices). This is not your problem. As long as you harm no one and handle your core obligations, you *own* your time, space, resources, attention, and energy. Let whoever who couldn't use you think whatever.

The physiology of exercise in peace and quiet isn't replaced by talk therapy for my unique brain's wiring. Wise counsel is good when carefully chosen, but to me, the physical exercise component is the core to my functioning. The fences around my privacy zones are boundaries.

Introverted wiring does not make someone morally wrong for having a different brain structure and functioning differently. Introversion isn't doing evil, wishing evil, manipulating, conning, or taking anything that belongs to someone else: it is preserving and guarding our space, energy, and time and using our limited social batteries wisely and giving back in a manner that respects us. 

That narrative from guilt-tripping leeches is so they can use you and waste your time at the expense of the business you're actually in and your purpose.  

Authenticity means not spending time or energy that you don't have to fit in with people that you ultimately don't need in your life. In addition, it means guarding your boundaries and knowing you have autonomy over your space and time.

Only you live with the consequences of not being a wise steward of your limited time and energy and spending it where it doesn't belong means you can't spend it where it should be spent when you actually need it for the correct things.

Focusing on you is healthy and self-respecting, demanding that others make their lives about you (if you're not their child or dependent) is unhealthy, borderline codependent, and self-centered. The latter uses people to meet needs, the former fills their own cup before giving as they're responsible adults managing their health as anyone who thinks they're above your basic brain function (while not being your child or dependent) has a delusion to work through (we are responsible to and for ourselves first, then we allocate overflow accordingly to how we give back and in alignment with our disability limitations if any).

If someone dislikes you for saying no to them, be grateful that they revealed their true nature early on.

Saying no doesn't make you a bad person or mean you don't value XYZ. It simply shows that you understand your limited time and prioritize self-respect and your own responsibilities that ensure your core mental functioning first like a grown adult should, ensuring your well-being so you can effectively manage your obligations and sustain yourself (this means you give back in other unique ways that respect your unique wiring, and likely on much larger scales). These people don't care about your needs or limitations; they just want to take advantage of you because they feel entitled to the time of strangers. I'm referring to those who don't even know you and this is one of the reasons I don't run in packs of fakes and snakes and why physical proximity does not dictate my inner circle. 

The right people are going to respect your wellness bubble and the guardrails that you have around that sacred time for your basic mental functioning (which requires protection) with a disability and they're not going to be bothered by you refusing extraneous commitments, they'll be happy that you're being self-responsible and refusing what is extraneous and not critical to your survival, core priorities, or mis-aligned with how you give back to humanity at large.

Detecting opportunists early is crucial, as there are individuals who exploit the efforts of others under the guise of unity, sisterhood, or brotherhood, attempting to shift their responsibilities onto others and drain their resources.

YOU own YOU, they're not entitled to *any* part of you (you choose):

People who believe they should come before you being responsible for your basic obligations and carving out space for that in your own life, despite not being a child or dependent, are often looking to take advantage of you. Who is taking care of your basic survival/providing for yourself/your health if you're not? Make it make sense?

People outside your household and dependents who think that they come before your survival are probably the biggest waste of time you will ever meet in your life and they are not worth impressing at all. They are a leech and a human parasite who will try to latch onto your hard work instead of doing their own and will destroy your mental health if you let them.

I am a human who requires zones of quiet in order to function, the end.

If someone tends to try to poke at what you hold dear, disrespects your time, or even gets in your way: you're not to explain yourself to that, you're to distance yourself as that's an agent of chaos. They do not want access to your energy because they care about you (if they did, they would not get in the way and push your boundaries, they'd encourage your wellness fences). They want access to your energy to feed off of you.

Is it selfish when someone decides to put their own obligations first instead of dumping it on someone else or is it personal responsibility and being a grown adult and knowing one's limits, and respecting oneself and not going into time debt and the red zone since the leeches won't be the ones to rescue you? It's the latter. Refusing what you cannot sustain is smart. 👏

"Unkind" is being pushy and trying to use people. 

If someone has a severe disability and requires uninterrupted gym time almost on a daily basis to survive, that wouldn't be something I would look at intruding on or bothering, but that's just me as I have common sense and I respect the differences and space of others.

Internal processors manage their mental health (their mind being wired uniquely does not make their differences morally wrong, it's functioning differently, haters want to shame this and we do not need to care one bit) internally with bouts of quiet, uninterrupted time without notifications, and that's what the gym does for me, as soon as we accept what our definition of mental health is, we reach alignment.

Time off-limits (outside of dependents and obligations) is to be treated as sacred (you're guarding your health or disability management time and strict routines as if working with a disability was not demanding enough, we don't owe depletion and burnout to those who aren't our actual dependents), it has nothing to do with not valuing XYZ or caring about XYZ (you can care about all people and things and not have time for everything, that's part of life): it is a "zone" where your brain is not "on" and your full focus is on replenishing your energy (not performing or expending energy).

Manipulators might guilt you for setting boundaries, calling you selfish or unkind, to exploit you (but you're responsible for managing your time, life, and resources properly to sustain yourself for your ongoing survival - not them). They use tactics like guilt-tripping or gaslighting to make you question your self-care (the conditions for your ongoing survival are your sole responsibility, you're not the one infringing on anyone or trying to take anything: you're preserving and protecting what belongs to you). You aren't responsible for non-dependents, and if they think they come before your personal responsibilities and basic life obligations within your own household/work, they're very wrong to think they can force their way into the lives of others. They should respect your established limits and move on.

They don't care if your responsibilities are met, your bills are paid on time, or if you suffer from mental burnout. These individuals, who can be seen as codependent and parasitic, bring nothing but chaos and don't care if you're in a difficult situation. Trying to impress people like that is pointless. The right people will encourage you to manage your own wellness FIRST as no one is expected to prove their goodness by running themselves into the ground, as it is your responsibility as an adult, just as managing their own health is their responsibility. Each adult should carry their own load. Once our own needs are met, we can decide where to allocate any excess resources. This is what having boundaries is about. Anyone who makes you feel selfish for having boundaries or expects you to justify your need for self-care is the one with the problem, as they mistakenly believe they own your time and energy.

My brain wiring is introverted, that's a different way of functioning, not fundamentally wrong or bad, except to energy vampires who suck up other people's time and resources for a living due to no initiative of their own. They could spend that energy bettering themselves, but they choose not to.

Don't let random people burden you with their own responsibilities when they're not even from your household, so there's no justification for that level of idiocy. Don't let people dump their bullshit on you. It's your choice. What you do with your time.

When you are your own source of validation, and when you take responsibility for your own needs... that is scary to people who don't know how to love themselves... everything and everyone else is just a bonus when a strong foundation exists.

Express to resonate with the right people, not impress or to be understood by those hellbent on misunderstanding you or making you seem difficult or ashamed for being you (those are not people who have self-love and inner confidence).

We need the RIGHT clients and the RIGHT people, that's literally it. No one needs to tolerate those who complicate their life and no one needs to know what goes on in someone else's life in order to back off when asked to do so.

Basic autonomy is *choosing* who you allow into YOUR life. You will be labelled a bad person for exercising your free will to refuse anything for a person who cannot use you. Are they able to tend to your mental health on your behalf and mitigate overstimulation? No one outside of you can love you on your own behalf, you owe yourself carrying YOUR own load first. Codependent people who make it a hobby to burden others need to go be parasites somewhere else.

Are boundaries (autonomy over what in our jurisdiction and requiring equally yoked connections/refusing added schedule pressure) selfish or is it selfish to expect to be able to use or make demands on others as you wish without cognizance of their free will/choice in the matter?

Resourceful people don't need anything from anyone, so they're hard to con and manipulate.

Assuming that you own others or that they belong to you and that certain well-known boundaries are not innate is what is selfish, not simply managing the self-care that people cannot outsource and protecting their peace for consecutive quiet time.

Some segments of life are off-limits and designed for peace, not additional demands as we all have mental capacity limits and a need to recharge (introvert or not) and we *choose* how we give back, when, and via which means regardless of who thinks this isn't good enough as they're not the ones choosing to work with a disability or paying your bills (that requires unbothered time for mental recalibration if you're doing knowledge work).

Why should anyone apologize for having commitments, a busy schedule, obligations, and the need to provide for themselves? These responsibilities, along with the necessity of maintaining their mental health through recharging in peace and quiet, are essential for meeting their personal and professional requirements.

The word "no" or not having time for something isn't mistreatment, it's not mean, it's not rude, it's not exploitation / lying / bad / evil / stealing / manipulating ... Twisting it and making it seem like it's mean is what is indeed, mean and lacking empathy for the limits of others. Self-protection / preservation of sanity isn't mean, only manipulators will throw around the "bad person" or "selfish" label as they lack the skills do things on their own and this is their life strategy (to be a leech and not respect refusal for which people owe no explanations as they don't report to blood-sucking time-wasting leeches in their own lives). 

I'm not in business development mode 24/7 and I don't view everything as a networking opportunity, I view my personal time as a guardrail to mentally recharge so that I can show up during my business hours fully refreshed (quality over quantity).

Knowing your limits is self-awareness.

Respecting your limits is confidence. 

Protecting your limits is self-compassion.

The right ones will respect the limits of your availability and the constraints and methods of how you give back and how you show up. 

If we have a disability, all else in our lives works around how we function differently - why would that wellness bubble be an issue to anyone who respects how this is already time-consuming? 👏

Longevity is more important than anything that disrupts rest if it's not a genuine obligation because that's how you ensure that you can contribute and give back long-term and that's just much more intelligent as a life strategy so the math of your time/energy budget computes. 

The takers are not the ones putting food on your table and making sure that you're capable of working and providing for yourself long-term. They will bleed you dry if you let them under the guise of telling you to be a good person or be a caring person when in reality, that's not how that's measured. A good person respects the time and energy boundaries of others first of all. A good person has boundaries and respects the boundaries of others. 

Oneness encourages not harming, doing evil, backstabbing, sabotaging, bullying, gossiping, or engaging in similar negative behaviors. It doesn't mean you have to spend time or energy you don't have, or that you're an extension of someone else's agenda, existing solely for their purposes especially if it's not in your time budget. You are an individual with your own rights and boundaries, and it's your choice how to spend your time.

You don't owe anyone a connection if you don't want to or do not have unlimited TIME and ENERGY. 👏

Introversion is the way that the brain is set up and mental wiring and why would there be anything wrong with a different brain set up? We just give back differently in a way that works for us. Anyone disliking the fact that we have limits because because they wanted something more from us: that's not our problem and labelling us selfish is not going to make us acquiesce to these type of domineering and idiotic individuals.

I used to be so desperate for a squad or to be part of a group and just to feel like I "belong" but at some point, I realized that I fought my darkest battles mostly by myself with very little help that it's about a high-quality select few (sustainable with my energy levels).

I wouldn't be able to focus or function without knowing where my next meal was coming from and being in the workforce helps me feel like I'm contributing to society, higher quality of life: health is expensive, and my side-hustle is on the side and dormant when I feel like it.

You have the right to limit social connections to what you can "afford" with your social batteries, and protect *your* intimate space according to your own preferences (this is basic personal autonomy, dignity, and humanity which rides on free choice and respecting one's own mental and medical wiring around overstimulation). You have a right to function differently and give back in a manner that respects your constraints. 

Goodness isn't measured by lacking self-respect/spending time you don't have as genuine ones (who aren't your dependents) wouldn't require self-sacrifice. They'd encourage your self-preserving wellness space buffers. You're not infringing on anyone by owning your survival first.

My working hours as person with a disability are very limited so I don't accept labour from so-called friends in my personal life, seriously sit down and go find someone else to use under the guise of generosity when I already have a charity. Friends should love you for who you are as a person, never give up your dignity for a connection - especially not a fake one. Smaller quantity - real ones over quantity.

Health is not a comfort zone. It's survival.

You shouldn't allow others to dictate how you spend your time and energy, nor should you be a passive participant aka a followed in *your* own life. While I'm not suggesting you act recklessly, remember that those who seek to control others aren't your people. It's unnatural to desire power over others. This isn't about you; you're not going to stop prioritizing your own life or abandon your vision for the sake of anyone who wants to undermine your autonomy in your life and hijack your personal freedom. How dare they think they can take over your life? 

***You cannot outsource nutrition, quiet time, rest, exercise... Genuine people will respect your wellness bubble, I expect not needing to explain the basics of an invisible disability as it drains enough energy and I am not desperate for connections that are not organic as they fit AROUND *not* during my wellness bubble - that's why I keep the circle small in the first place.***

We do *not* need to accept unwanted intimacy as if it wasn't our choice and friendship is one of those things. I think some people can't stand to see people that have a small personal circle who do not want to make it larger for the sake of it, but that's not my problem.

I didn't have this type of relationship with myself before so now that I do, I only desire healthy and mutually uplifting bonds that are genuine, so I'm not going to just accept anybody into my circle like some sort of circus without discernment.

Having "quiet time headspace" to process and manage our over-active mind is basic ADHD self-management, this is why both home and gym are designated off-limits do-not-disturb segments: my mental health/wellness are my responsibility to guard, aside from my immediate household so that I can have enough energy to also give back to the fundraiser that I care about.

I put strict energy replenishment rituals in place so my cup is full before giving from overflow to my craft, business, fundraiser, and close circle. 💯

Self-preservation is the first law of nature: 

Implying that there's actually a real replacement for physical exercise, nutrition, and sleep which *precedes* survival: is a demonstration of a lack of medical credentials.

No one is infringing on others, wishing evil, doing evil without remorse, or exploiting others when they pour into their own cup first so as to never run on empty (and handling their won dependents and obligations first like a responsible adult).

Actively managing basic health is a requirement as what gets neglected will deteriorate, that is time *carved* out for it exclusively without interruptions (while also handling baseline obligations, obviously). So if anyone who isn't a dependent thinks they compete with my disability oxygen mask: no.

Connections who understand how self-reliant I am without taking my need to take care of myself and "own" my personal self-preservation as an insult are rare as someone this independent by nature doesn't do well when I don't have enough mental space.

I used to look for a sense of belonging outside of myself until I realize I was just filling up space and now my purpose and passion for life and a few close friends is all I need because I don't have time for people just filling up space - it's like if you focus on quantity, you're probably probably going to end up with mostly controlling people who want to use you for something and I don't tolerate labour-intensive connections that I have to work for to keep around as if I have that kind of spare time. I don't.

For my level of disability, there is no basic survival, baseline brain function, ability to work, and mental health without:

Sleep daily
Weekly crash day
Nutrition
Daily fitness (solo, do not disturb)

Extraneous nonsense does not take the place of the basics.

We give from overflow so our craft, business, and close circle gets our best first.

A clear mind has to be actively worked on, which means that "space" being carved out is critical without worrying about it being guaranteed or not - that precedes good business and life discernment.

How serious I am about my craft/business is reflected in how I block off my sacred personal no-notifications gym and sleep time (unless it's a real household/dependent-based issue). I do not allow anything to disrupt that mental recalibration time carved out to myself where I mentally recharge in peace and quiet (me-time where I show up for myself to pour back into my energy reserves) with my energy/time being taken up with anything that resembles work. I have to make sure I can provide for myself long-term. That's my responsibility. 

Your "quiet" privacy zones aren't making you miss out on anything, this is how you calibrate your mind with ADHD and what's meant for you would come to you outside of the segments of your life deemed "private do not disturb time" if it was meant to be, no scarcity thinking (scarcity takes on every option or opportunity out of FOMO, but abundance knows that if if was meant to be, it would fit your life).

Preferring a small circle is a limit on mental energy, not just time. ADHD takes a lot of energy and time to manage and that's the reality.

Minding your own business doesn't mean you don't care care about others (Oneness means we don't go around needing to know anything about anyone in order to live and let live and people who mind their business are the first to guard mutual safety and defend the weak), it means that you're not worried about irrelevant stuff (limited energy) and save your energy for your immediate responsibilities and allocate the overflow to relevant causes/charities that jive with your values and those in your inner circle first: saves a lot of time/trouble.

You're not here to translate your soul, you're here to be heard by the right people, we can wish the best to the rest - but also not bother ourselves with trying to manage their perception of us as the right ones will resonate naturally without that much limited time misused.

Rather than putting personal responsibilities on others, carrying our own loads (except children and dependents) - and then giving from overflow makes much more sense.

The same people who label others as selfish for prioritizing their own obligations and responsibilities first (like grown adults who understand that burnout is a consequence) often don't contribute to fundraisers or regularly give back. They're usually looking for someone to lean on (like a leech) instead of taking personal responsibility and fostering mutual reciprocity in relationships. They use manipulation as a means to exploit and they act entitled to the time and energy of others, whereas self-reliant people respect that others have free will and can only give once prior commitments are handled as they are not out here looking to dump their issues on others, they're just guarding what is theirs to manage and carving out time for that (logical common sense). 

People who choose not to overexert themselves or take on responsibilities that aren't theirs are not exploiting others; they are simply protecting their personal space and managing their lives. It's those who try to burden others who need to reflect on personal responsibility. In a world where everyone takes care of themselves, we will see less sickness, and giving from our overflow within our constraints will create a natural balance. You shouldn't sacrifice your own household for someone else, as those who burden others are unlikely to help you in return. They tend to be takers, placing their burdens on others without understanding limits (and they don't pay your bills and keep a roof over your head).

Who is doing *your* homework if you're doing theirs? No one? How does that make sense? 

The less time you have, the more selective you get in terms of who you call a friend because honestly life is too short to risk wasting our time and purpose on those that do not resonate with our souls. ✨

This is about self-compassion and refusing to overexert yourself for things that are not exactly within your responsibilities to begin with. This is how burnout is prevented. ✅

You help the right people who align with and comprehend your limits and constraints, respecting your availability and time budget. It's not about the return on investment or sacrificing yourself. If you take care of others' responsibilities at the expense of your own, who will take care of yours? Who will pay your bills? I happily provide for myself, I'm not looking for anyone to do so, I'm just saying that if I don't have the time in space to do so, that's a problem especially with a disability that is very time-consuming to manage.

If they want you to do their homework, are they willing to do yours? Probably not because they can't do it on your behalf or they don't have the skills so why should it be at your own expense? There's nothing wrong with giving back but there is something wrong with doing it at your own expense repeatedly because then you're actually opening yourself up to burn out and your own goals get neglected for people who do nothing but drain you in return.

When things fall apart, will they support you? Likely not and even if they did - your first responsibility is your own household; they may leave once they've gotten what they wanted as many people who like a conveyer-belt of givers do. So, you must be cautious. You cannot always be the guide or motivator if they're not offering replenishment. If the roles were reversed, would they give at their own expense? Accepting backlogs on their own life obligations and time debt? No. They would not.    

Normalize a small circle and closing one's mouth about different mental wiring we may not fully understand. Since when do we owe explanations to people who like to try to force us to be who we are not for their entertainment or appeasement at the expense of our wiring? We don't.

***Carefully choosing who you allow in your life is self-protection and boundaries mean you have self-worth, it's far from selfish as the takers want to label it to bring down your guard. Why would trust not be earned?***

Wish everyone well, but reserve intimacy for a few. 

Interdependence in healthy relationships means that they are not leeching off of you and they're bringing equal reciprocity to the table. When you start expecting this, you'll see how many people start to fall out of your life naturally because they were straight up parasites.

Personal space isn't cold as genuine warmth respects personal privacy and there are dignified ways to connect, and your circle is your ultimate choice.

Refusing extraneous nonsense to recharge (no one can do this on your behalf) is encouraged on those who have the privilege to be in your life after you have consented to their entry into your circle (no one gets to force themselves onto anyone, your dignified autonomy chooses).

*Airplanes have passenger limits, businesses have capacity limits, brains have bandwidth limits. If it’s not a rightful obligation, there’s no real need to overexert yourself and the right people would not even dare to try to add to your life’s plate any stress and depletion (they respect the concept of wellness and do not take away from it, they stay out of the way unlike those who play dumb and dare to take advantage in the first place).*

Doing what's best for you is not selfish; it's self-preservation. By prioritizing your health and responsibilities, you are not harming others or infringing on their rights. You are maintaining your well-being without taking from or exploiting anyone else. There is a clear distinction between protecting your own rights and resources and taking from others. People who believe they are central to your life, despite not being part of your household, often exhibit codependent tendencies and control issues.

Everyone must manage their own time and resources wisely, focusing on their household first. Those who feel entitled to someone else's time and energy need to reflect on their parasitic mentality especially when there's no basis for it at all, as everyone has the autonomy to decide how they spend their resources - especially when there are time-consuming health conditions at play.

You compromise the quality of your life if you take the wrong people with you on your journey and that's just the reality. You get to choose how you give back and within what constraints.

Meant-to-be connections will not bulldoze your "peace" and "mental recharge" calendar time block because that's too expensive and it would mean it's not a natural fit.

If it's not a segment of your life that is deemed available time, then it's not meant to be and there's nothing wrong with that.

I don't really care what I "miss out" on when I'm being true to my ADHD wiring because quality of life matters more than "spare" time to me.

Getting outside of the box and working with my wiring is making me happier so when I have quality time that is spent with quality people, why would I need more time or to operate on a normal person schedule when I'm far from it?

My longest lasting lifetime relationships understand, accept, and respect that the time and space that I require as "time and space" buffers around fitness and extra sleep are not up for discussion and this is me taking full ownership as the sole personal capable of replenishing and refilling my cup (I am not putting that task on others, nor would they be able to do it how I can because I know how my brain gets overstimulated easily and I need a significant amount of recharge time so I am not a match for those seeking people who don't need a lot of personal time and personal space of who get their knickers in a twist over how neurodivergent people operate). I also need a full day per week to crash-out to prevent ADHd burnout so being "selective" is a matter of efficiency as well as logistics. I have come to love my own company so a connection has to be sweeter than my space and not here to take as there's little to nothing that I can't do for myself, so I am not one to be used.

Do the people who expect you to be a supporting character in their lives reciprocate the same for you? Even then, everyone should carry their own load and only when our cup is filled first (which is a personal responsibility that cannot be outsourced) then we allocate overflow wisely.

Why should you misuse your life and talents, not creating something of your own, and instead surround yourself with people who only want you around for what you can do for them? They are depleting your finite resource of time, leaving nothing accomplished in your own life. Why must you always be the guide and motivator? What are they doing for you? What value are they bringing to your life? There should be equal reciprocity in personal relationships. Those relationships are optional, and you can easily live without them if they don't uplift you.

We repel vision-hijackers and we do not spend time or energy that we do not have in our budget.

Our nutrition, sleep, and exercise can't be outsourced (no one can do this on our behalf) so once we have filled our own cups to the point where we are happy with what only we can do for ourselves, we allocate overflow to those we prioritize - close people - those who respect how we manage our baseline of mental energy replenishment and that we give back within constraints that do not drain us (avoiding mental over-stimulation). 

Being responsible to and for yourself and your own obligations/households first is healthier than minimizing and impairing/scattering your energy. It also magnetizes grateful people who respect boundaries.

Potency is built through replenishing your energy reserves and making sure you're good first and not falling behind on baseline obligations.

Going fully digital is also more scalable for me than the low cap of 1:1 work and giving back with a fundraiser works for my logistics of not needing physical presence so the business respects my lifestyle and health condition - doing what is best for me helps me last long-term with all my lanes constructed around longevity and energetic balance.   

The right people will support your efforts to manage your wellness and protect your health without obstructing your path. Those who hinder you are the ones who want you to believe that your worth is tied to what you can do for them, rather than who you are and they actually think they're more important than the oxygen mask requirements of another person which is insane to me. These are the individuals you need to guide towards the exit, making it clear you have no room for such people in your life.

Setting firm boundaries to protect your own rights does not infringe on others or take anything from them, nor does it exploit or manipulate them for personal gain.

Instead, it is about being responsible for your own well-being rather than offloading that personal responsibility onto others. By doing so, you safeguard yourself from those who would use others for their own ends and agendas at the expense of others with no regard or remorse for the cost to them and those who disregard cues, which is a positive act of self-preservation.

It's better to be disliked for being true to yourself than to be liked for pretending to be someone you're not and doing things at your own expense, which can ultimately ruin your health. Only give from your surplus once your well-being is secure and managed by you, as you cannot outsource your own wellness. This is your responsibility.

Not everyone who tries to get close to you is a supporter, some of them are potential snakes, you need to have discernment. The same people who throw rocks and hide their hands want the blessings of those who put in the work without doing any work themselves. Sneakiness is a character flaw and it's important to discern this and realize that you don't need more people, you need few/the right ones.

Careful of takers and drainers:

I don't break free from the mental constraints of my medical disability for anyone outside of my household. I'm not going to "grow my legs back" or "hop out of my mental wheelchair" just because someone demands something from me that I don't have the spare time or energy to give.

Overstimulation is the cost of bandwidth tugs, not just total time expenditure but mental real estate allocation and scattered energy in too many directions.

They can find that elsewhere because it's never acceptable to make someone feel like they are the only solution when they are not, and the person asking is simply being unresourceful.

It's also unacceptable to pressure someone to overextend themselves at the expense of their own well-being. 💯

Many people have mental energy limits, and it's not always a disability. The same people who treat you like an afterthought when they don't need something from you are the ones you need to treat as afterthoughts too, as they only distract you from your own priorities.

You do not need to "earn" the right people's approval, you do what is yours to do and the overflow gets allocated in a way chosen by you.

I'd rather have 1-2 real ones than "friends" who require me to "work" for the connection and require self-sacrifice which isn't the same as healthy mutually uplifting compromise.

My sanity is more important than additional connections that do not fit my available time budget or drain me. 👏

I learned to fill my own self-love cup so that anyone else added into my life is a bonus, not the base.

It’s not total time expenditure, but mental bandwidth tugs and added things taking mental space and causing overstimulation, I don’t want any of that from connections just to keep them alive, that’s not what I look for. Two jobs is enough that I am not looking to prove my worth by taking on nonsense at my expense. 

Good ones respect the sanctity of health time and quiet time, otherwise stay out of my life and find someone else to use under the guise of connection or friendship.

No disingenuous people who require you to hollow yourself out to suit them at the expense of you being uniquely you.

Overdriven minds need a lot of time alone to decompress and process internally, which is why so few people make it to our inner circle as few people respect that space around our alone time and non-rushed solo workouts.

Part of that burnout was faking being an extrovert before data showed I am an ambivert who can form deep connections but with introverted needs for a lot of quiet and peaceful alone time to balance out. Emotional overwhelm and constant overstimulation was part of it.

When we allow ourselves to be who we are, we filter out the ones who do not get us, and we magnetize those who do - in proportions and spheres of life that do not overstimulate us mentally or emotionally. It's always quality over quantity after we heal.

Authenticity means not spending time or energy that you don't have to fit in with people that you ultimately don't need in your life. In addition, it means guarding your boundaries and knowing you have autonomy over your space and time.

Boundaries are not cold, they're your right to choices rooted in self-worth and free will.

Imposition isn't warm, it's intrusion disguised as friendly. See, anyone can be offended by anything at anytime based on their filters and entertaining people, rather than being you isn't anyone's purpose for being born.

Being yourself and being true to yourself and being your fullest expression is going to offend the wrong ones, oh well!

Has anyone noticed that those who lower your vibration want to take the most? Not only is it one-sided, but it gives you a side of depletion and it is also intrusive as they demand self-sacrifice on top of bringing nothing but encroachment on your time and space. Makes no sense.

People are better served by people who want the same things as them, this is far more logical than trying to make people into somebody that they are not when it comes to your circle. Many people confuse "friend" with "someone I can use for my personal agenda" so I screen heavily.

The right people will respect your limits and capacity, and those who don't have no place in your life. It's better to have fewer friends than to be surrounded by people who use you at your expense and don't care if you're exhausted or are disrupting your dedicated recharge oxygen mask time.

You invest your heart *only* in the people who would not place themselves in a position to lose you in the first place and who do not require you to explain yourself in excess of mutual curiosity (no time for those who twist your every word/move). That's self-respect.

Identifying poor-fit connections when you respect your own wiring:

Not everyone is upfront with their intent so we have discernment for that, especially when time is already limited with a time-consuming disability. 

For me, I barely have time to interview people I am looking to hire as contractors for my business... My business is not at a place where I can afford mentoring as that would compromise quality, so if there's a taker looking to coat-tail ride, my clear vision and fundraiser help me logically identify that they're not right for me. 

You don't need anyone diverting/distracting your time from the things that truly matter and your life's core responsibilities (for which only you can be responsible and cannot outsource), let the takers be mad as this level of discernment acts as a bouncer. 

If you're also an INFJ with ADHD, you'll understand that arbitrary rules that cater to extroverts aren't actually real obligations as minding your business simply protects your own rights and harms no one. This should also help you discern which connections aren't a fit for your life.