Misunderstanding exists regarding boundaries and their impact on relationships, leading to the misconception that setting boundaries harms connections. However, boundaries are about personal limits and delineating property lines. There's no obligation to justify or defend them; it's not about being confrontational but also not necessary to explain every action.
With closer connections, it's important to be considerate, yet explaining or defending what's rightfully yours isn't always required especially if the situation is blatant common sense (I refuse to educate on common sense), or not with someone that close to you (it is rarely someone close to you who will be offended anyway). Besides, who would be offended by your health requirements? Only people you don't want in your life!
Explaining yourself to appease anyone isn't requires when you deal with emotionally mature people who have life experience and back off when told no. You do not need to give away your power and a direct "no" normally suffices, only closer connections deserve explanations. Being clear and direct isn't rude or insulting, it saves everyone time. It's not "mean" to be firm, as long as you're not insulting anyone or putting them down. Anyone who chooses to make your limits mean anything about them has serious underlying issues to handle.
"Woe is me" as a response to you standing up for a line being crossed is a major red flag. Personalizing your rightful limits is not it. It's not healthy for anyone to act victimized by a boundary that actually doesn't harm them, they just want you to feel bad for having lines or they want to make your lines mean something about them.
The only acceptable realm of compromising your oxygen mask and boundaries should be your household and dependents, this is not acceptable from anyone else - especially those you just met: why do they think they come before your life's priorities and health conditions? That's a no.
Sacrificing time I don't possess or disrupting my exercise regimen jeopardizes my well-being, so why would anyone think they come before the health of someone outside their household anyway? Concerning.
What type of healthy situation would require you to move your oxygen mask or compromise on your health and survival? That doesn't make any sense.
It's not about being selfish; it's about self-preservation. Boundaries serve as protective shields, safeguarding your time, energy, and mental well-being. When individuals disregard these boundaries, their unrealistic expectations infringe upon the respect/mental space/peace you deserve.
There's an inherent sense of personal responsibility in valuing your time and ensuring your personal obligations are taken care of and besides, why would you want to further engage with people who do not respect your time or infringe on ought-to-known personal lines to begin with?
You aren't accountable for meeting the unbridled demands of those who fail to acknowledge or respect the limitations of your capacity. It's a profound understanding that your time is precious and should be treated as such.
Bye bye takers:
Are boundaries uncaring or is the person who is so hellbent on crossing your lines the one who does not respect your free choice, dignified autonomy, humanity and self-respect, so always return to sender any manipulative attempts at exerting dominance over you, that is so toxic.
Back to the main topic:
Intrusion and unwarranted prying is far from caring, it is a form of unwanted intimacy as well. Personable is key (not personal unless you volunteer the information) especially with people you just met. Otherwise, their agenda is showing and they're not truly concerned about you. Do not be dominated or subjugated by those who blatantly disregard your time or comfort levels. If they choose to personalize your basic need for privacy, it's not your job to reason with the unreasonable.
Moreover, random people or casual acquaintances imposing demands beyond reasonable bounds isn’t just an inconvenience – it's a violation of personal space.
It's liberating to recognize that setting boundaries isn’t a selfish act but rather an act of self-care and self-respect. It's about defining what is acceptable and not. Respect for your time and the understanding of your limitations should be non-negotiable.
No one has the right to encroach upon your time and space with unreasonable expectations. Embrace the power of setting boundaries as a means of preserving your autonomy, mental health, and personal dignity. Your time is invaluable – guard it wisely.
Do you believe maintaining self-respect is possible if you keep spending time on those who have been opportunists and fumbled you? Misunderstandings and fumbling are different things. Good people don't take advantage, ever. They don't manipulate lines.
Instead, invest your future time in people who are respectful, sensible, and genuinely supportive (not in a false pretence type of way) —those who wouldn't undermine you or pressure you to invest time you can't spare in the first place. Only sincere people deserve our time as anyone outside of our household is an optional connection and we owe them absolutely nothing above simply doing no harm, grace, and non-interference with their affairs. They're not entitled to a place in our life.
If it hasn't become clear by now, I'm focused on my purpose on this planet, and whether someone's with me or not doesn't affect that. I'm selective about who I let into my life and how they influence my time. I prioritize people with a graceful approach, and if that's not the case, we're not on the same page.
It's essential to recognize that entitled people who feel offended by your healthy boundaries might not align with your journey towards personal growth and well-being (they wanted to use you, their reaction is showing you that they do not care about you as a person and about your wellness, they just wanted something from you).
Imposing on what doesn't belong to us is selfish, protecting our time is not as this is a basic right and it belongs to us!
Those who respect and understand the value of boundaries are more likely to nurture healthier relationships built on mutual respect and understanding.
Conversely, those who take offense at these boundaries may be revealing their own discomfort with limits or their inability to respect the basic free will/autonomy of others.
In essence, the reaction of others to your healthy boundaries speaks volumes about their maturity and their capacity to respect your autonomy and needs. Embracing boundaries is a powerful step toward fostering healthy connections with those who appreciate and support your personal growth journey.
In addition, cannot connect authentically anyone who tries to over-ride your personal autonomy, your chosen levels of privacy for any area of life, and your free will/dignity (mutual respect). If they do not respect that trust is earned and you can be personable without being personal (we have every right to personal lines), let it be their loss because you cannot burn your energy for foolishness. Authentic connections are based on mutual honour, you don't owe anyone premature unwanted vulnerability (trust takes time), which brings me to my next point...
Choosing my inner circle wisely is crucial for my mental well-being. I've faced my toughest battles with only a few carefully chosen individuals around me; I value quality over quantity in my connections.
One thing for sure, aside from tending to my obligations, my personal wellness ritual aka fitness is my therapy, that's private and intimate and it is my time to collect my thoughts, this isn't something anyone but dependents can tread on.
Overall, I protect reserve the intimate parts of my life for people I have known my whole life, it's very gradual with me and that's just how I operate.
Maintaining control over your life and decisions is important for preserving autonomy, independence, and personal growth. Allowing others to have power over you can potentially lead to manipulation, loss of self-direction, and hinder your ability to pursue your own goals and values. Setting boundaries and asserting your own agency helps safeguard your individuality and emotional well-being.
Why would you want any dealings with anyone who views you as an extension of their agenda or a thing to be controlled, rather than a free-willed human being with autonomy? You have the right to do your thing, mind your business, as long as you infringe on no one and manage your obligations.
Why would you want to appease anyone who thinks that you should not be a priority in your own life and make yourself happy? If you're doing so while managing your obligations and harming no one, you don't have to appease any manipulative spirit to prove anything you do not owe them in the first place.
Redefine things per what fits your natural capacity and don't waste an iota of energy on anyone who doesn't "get" you, your energy is gold so do not give it away or water weeds!
Remember that your boundaries are your allies, not your enemies. They don't lead to loss; they lead to liberation. By setting clear boundaries, you invite authentic connections, emotional security, and an unwavering sense of self that no manipulation tactic or name-calling game can dismantle.
So, embrace the power of boundaries, knowing that they are your beacon guiding you towards a life rich with respect for your time and essence, they set the tone on who you allow into your life, they bring you authenticity, and well-deserved happiness.
Think of boundaries as a natural filter that separates nourishing relationships from draining ones.
Needy, clingy, intrusive, fake-caring, greedy manipulators, and self-centered narcissists (users/exploiters) are like energy vampires, constantly siphoning your emotional resources.
By asserting your boundaries, you create a safeguard against these emotional leeches, redirecting your energy toward healthier connections.
People who try to "center" themselves in the lives of others who actually don't owe them anything beyond what the connection (if any) entails are the ones with the problem.
People who actually care about you will never try to override your free will, and they will never try to impose anything on you because they actually respect that you have autonomy over what belongs to you or what is under your jurisdiction.
Control is not care, it's about dominance, and it's not acceptable if you're not their child.
Boundaries are protective, hatred is divisive. There's a massive difference between those concepts.
Control is intrusive and disregards personal autonomy/basic privacy, genuine care has no entitlement issues and encourages wellness and autonomy over what is of your concern and jurisdiction. For me, having to explain this is an automatic red flag. Careful what you let into you life, ensure it's not pollution.
The non-negotiable boundaries around your limited time to recharge must be guarded and the right people will never push against them just to get something off of you or try to use you to fill their needs when they're not even from your household. They'll respect it and not personalize it like a clingy needy entitled person would (one who has no empathy for how many responsibilities others have, yet thinks they're entitled to their non-negotiable spare time as if that was their right which is so twisted). No time for that.
If you see someone is busy and you try to add stress to their plate or push their time limits or lack of availability in any manner - while also not being from their immediate household which gives you zero rights to what belongs to them - that's a boundary problem.
Entitled people believe that others exist to cater to them even at their own expense, even people they don't know... what an interesting and sad mindset.
Someone can be a good person, and you still may not have the time for them, adult respect boundaries, and schedule imitations. We just don't have the mental energy for unlimited people in our lives.
Biggest lesson is if they don't pay your bills, sustain your ability to work via health rituals only you can do, feed your family, fund your start-up, sleep/eat well/exercise on your behalf: they have no business telling you how to spend your time/energy or getting in the way.
Boundaries are only "cold" to people who do not respect private/personal space and basic free will/dignity (they are mad that they could not run you over).
Do not put your energy in overdraft to impress anyone who does not respect your personal wellness and autonomy: caring people care about your boundaries, all else is agendas disguised as care when it's anything but!
Boundaries, like differences, do not require being understood to be respected and that's a marker of emotional maturity.
Respecting the free choice of others to live as they wish, as long as they harm no one, is a marker of dignity and respect for autonomy.
Controllers don't like it as they view people as an extension of their agenda and as a "means" to have their needs met at the expense of another, rather than just taking responsibility for their own needs and seeking mutually uplifting connections. It's not your job to weigh yourself down and tolerate unequally yoked nonsense and reduce your life's quality and potential!
Why are you interested in impressing people who don't respect your time and free will anyway? Why would that be a goal of yours in life?
Your success is not dependent on uncontrollable opinions and filters as much as bulldozing controlling and manipulative leeches want you to believe. You do not deserve to be weighed down by those kinds of burdens that do not belong to you.
Insistence at breaking the autonomy or free will of another in their own lives in any manner is a sign of an agenda (rarely is this ever required).
I mean, good people don't walk around selling themselves as good people is all I am saying...
You sense it from how they operate with fairness and authenticity.
Undermining your personal autonomy is a belittlement tactic employed by controlling people who have no place in your life, all they do is add stress and burn through your mental energy.
In the tapestry of any relationship, good people often embrace respect for personal freedom and autonomy.
Control, however, contradicts these principles, as it undermines the innate right to individuality. Being around controlling individuals can prove stressful, impinging upon one's sense of independence and causing discomfort.
The need for dominance over another person is not acceptable anywhere near me.
Choosing to steer clear of controlling personalities can safeguard personal liberties and foster healthier, more fulfilling connections based on mutual respect and autonomy.
Just know that people who value you and respect you would never try to impose on you or control you, that's not normal.
Compromising your mental health and boundaries is not a requirement in healthy connections because boundaries are guidelines on how you preserve your basic functioning, why would your health not be rigid?
Why would you be hopping out of your mental wheelchair for any reason?
Why would you disrespect your mental bandwidth?
Do not be around anyone who dishonours your limits, that's a person sent by dark forces who means you no good and likely just wants something from you.
It is not transactional to respect your time and the concept that you cannot do everything or know everyone is basic common sense, it ensures you time for wellness (which preserves your energetic alignment) is preserved and guarded.
You don't need to compromise your privacy to explain yourself to anyone because boundaries do not need to be understood in order to be respected.
Why would the conditions to your survival, functioning, and health be compromised? Aligned people and situations work around basic health limits. Destroying your boundaries (oxygen mask) is not only ridiculous self-abandonment, but not how care and love are measured. I find it only acceptable for dependents, but no one outside your household should find it acceptable to compete with your oxygen mask!
When did destroying basic oxygen mask boundaries become a sign of love and care? Not in healthy situations or connections, that's complete garbage that you cannot be swayed by. That's the bottom of the barrel slime/trash level beliefs. You don't need to prove anything to no one.
You're also not responsible if anyone makes the choice to personalize your lines because you did not infringe, harm, disrupt their rights, you simply defended your own on which they encroached.
Your boundaries (guidelines/spam filters) become a beacon of light and self-respect that attracts those who value you for who you are, not what you can provide as if you aren't busy enough.
There is *nothing* healthy about thinking that breaching the conditions to your oxygen mask, boundaries, and mental health is a way to show care. Care is energetic. Spam filters allow you to experience only the best and nothing crusty.
When you're fairly self-reliant, you're not super thirsty to allow trash into your life. There's no hijacking a seat, it's by invite-only.
When you're fairly self-reliant, you're thirsty to allow trash into your life. I don't think that some would comprehend your lines even if you explained it so understand that not everyone is on the same level of consciousness and the very need to iterate blatantly obvious lines that ought to have been known to exist innately is a major red flag.
Boundaries and healthy beliefs attract gold.
You're not in protection mode, you're in self-respect mode.
Healed people respect the mental autonomy of others without any issues. They're not out to control, manipulate, and impose.
Who, outside of your household or dependents, thinks they trump the sacred conditions to your baseline functioning? Who would look at your basic boundaries that keep your health safe as negotiable? Someone who needs to be shown the door, that's who.
Trash beliefs attract dirty farm animals, roaches, but they can stay outside where they belong and play among themselves because no one is to clutter my life.
Self-sacrifice ends in disaster for you, who would want you to exhaust yourself? Pouring into yourself first (and dependents/obligations as well) is you managing your own responsibilities and not taking anything from someone else. The conditions to your mental peace are critical and no one needs to "get" them in order to steer clear from disrupting them.
The most secure relationships won't demand you to represent a past self or compromise your identity or authenticity for their benefit. They simply ask you to be your authentic self, no matter what that entails.
The types of people who violate the basic human right and freedom that is *privacy* under the guise of connection (forced connection actually) are also intrusive yet do not care for wellness and don't respect people's time, they're backwards and very controlling.
Our worth is not proven by how far we are willing to bend our innate worth and chosen boundaries, that's not how healthy situations and connections are even built. A lack of boundaries is a major lack of honour and respect.
Managing your time doesn't mean you think you're better, it's called focus. A boundary around managing your own obligations and energy levels is not infringing on anyone else, this would only be an issue for those who don't respect the limits of your availability: they can go.
You're not safe to exist within your limitations around anyone who chooses to take your lines as a personal attack and make your life about them as if they were central in a life that belongs to you, that's very twisted, it's not your job to regulate anyone's reaction to you.
Trim the weeds as many times as you need to as limit-pushers to any extent will destroy your health by distracting the finite time you have for each area of your life in general and cause mayhem (only dark forces want to steal something from you - use you - with no replenishment - and conceal it as something nice and positive):
"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"