Nervous Breakdowns & Breaking Patterns
After the nervous breakdown & anxiety hell of the century that this month has been - LOL - some lessons because forget sharing only hilight reels. I have ALWAYS felt pressure to act like I was fine to keep the peace and be the strong one - well that's changing. RIP to that part of me.
I think I have broken through one of the unhealthiest patterns of my life in such a short period of time. And those who have made me discover this pattern, thank you. Running myself into the ground for "one more thing" the silliest way to run any business for the long-term.
I also learned that success does not require self-sacrifice and it is the amount of innovation and energy in the hours (in terms of going above and beyond) and not the quantity. There may be times when a higher quantity of hours is needed, but that should be reserved for major exceptions.
I am pretty sure that not every season should be "hustle" season.
I'll put my peaceful buffer evenings to catch overflow before I clutter my brain and calendar with nonsense.
Also, the right connections and relationships will not be labour intensive (as in, heavy on taking, low on pouring back into you). Discernment. Yes, I expect a lot in return for my craft and fake connections may not like the people who value their time and don't operate from a sense of false obligation / false responsibility towards them, but that's part of weeding them out.
This all reminds me of a recent situation where I was running with the wrong crowd and frankly - I didn't know that genuine connections would require time debt to keep going. Of course, they were not genuine - these people all had multi-level marketing affiliations which explains their unethical business practices, glad that chapter of my life is over.
What is also over is the chapter of my life of over-working just to prove my commitment. My competence depends on self-care if sustainability matters.
The more I value any of my work - the more the recharging of my batteries through sacred disconnected time for fitness takes precedence.
Results (high ROI activties and innovation) matters more than hours spent.
ACTIVE & conscious self-care especially with ADHD & anxiety is so key. It is very very well known that creativity cannot coexist with constant interruptions, and it's super important to create buffers. Oftentimes, the key to mental peace is simply knowing that nothing is going to get dropped on you at the last minute and making sure that you're managing your time to avoid those things in the first place (for the most part, but exceptions should be for genuine fires, not nonsense), like what is the point of making plans if you're never sure if you can get to them on time? I was really going off the rails with taking on more than what makes sense to take on especially for the preservation of quality. I am rethinking the definition of ambition and making it stop being mutually exclusive with exceptional focus and discernement, so quality of opportunities - not quantity.
I rather take a longer time to get to my goal than lose my gym time in the process.
I mean, every little thing adds up very quickly, and it's never just 10 minutes, interruptions cost so much, and even considering opportunities that are not in alignment takes mental energy, so making fast decisions has a lot to do with having very clear principles and a roadmap. This is called a "statement of work" or "statement of purpose" for yourself, you might need one for your own business as well so that you don't fall into this trap of overwork like I did.
Hard work is not an issue, but over work is (hard work in the wrong direction can be problematic). I prefer smart work and ruthless prioritization.
Being good at something does not mean I have to do it.
My mental health comes before anyone's filters & perceptions of my "goodness" & "enoughness" and so should yours!
I used to measure my worth by productivity, now I measure my worst by knowing that I was born freaking worthy.
I am worthy just by existing and being alive and so are you. You don't have to prove yourself to anyone. Do you want you can, and forget the rest.
Although parts of anxiety may be a chemical imbalance, there's a way to handle that through fitness (in my personal opinion and in my case).
Also, there's a way to handle that by leaving buffers in your schedule and not over-crowding your brain and life. Sacrificing your peace is the cost of taking on too much. That's expensive! Like, "one more thing" will not fit and that's OK. If someone doesn't like that, they don't deserve a place in your life.
They can take it or leave it. When you have a vision and principles, everything gets evaluated through that filter.
For the grand finale of this post, for anyone who uses flattery or other means of manipulation to push more work (of any length of time) or attempt to make someone else put their own life aside for them like I allowed the MLM huns to do to me as I was so unaware of my worth at the time, some free advice since you MLM-ers all love free labour:
You don't know people's personal / health circumstances or life responsibilities, so family status (kids or no kids) has little to do with how much their time is worth - everyone is worthy of respect, never approach someone with an entitled attitude.
Everyone carries their mental load differently, so do not be so eager to add to it unless you are eager to pay full price for it.
Overstimulation aka death by “one more thing” is a major concern for ADHD & anxiety so you can definitely keep your “potential future opportunity” stemming from the additional pulls on my schedule to yourself as I can create my own when the timing doesn't put me into debilitating overwhelm.
I don’t need anyone who doesn’t value me or have a clue how much weight I pull on a daily basis between my commitments. I have only ever been asked to undercut my worth by people who had an agenda to use me or did not want me to see my own value so they could sell me short. Age is not a marker of life experience and I am grateful as these people taught me valuable lessons.
I am not going to be moving any slower or less efficiently - I will still be running quickly, but I will be scheduling more time to rest and screening people / opportunities way better from now on! Not interested in slow and steady, interested in fast and focused because every minute matters too much to waste it in the wrong direction (if they don't respect my pre-screening methods, they're not worthy of my time).
I'll forgo anything before I forgo loving my life and living my vision daily.
My brand is a mission in it of itself, RIP distractions & hello to only dealing with aligned people. It's about the right people, not just any people.
As I try to design an affiliate program for my brand with a reasonable commission rate because unlike the gurus of the world, I could never expect anyone to put my brand/mission above their existing commitments as I am not delusional/entitled to their time, I pay them for that.
No brand of has a right to take advantage of people’s skills/time and pay them less than they are worth due to some silly notion of exposure or connections, you should be paid top dollar for your skills WHILE making those connections, so don’t fall for it. MLM’s have zero ethics.
The person with the problem is the person who believes that they are more important than their priorities that you have chosen for your life, so don’t get it twisted and get start explaining yourself to unethical dimwits. They are just mad that they could not exploit you, they will get over it!
I’d rather grow at a reasonable pace, profit-share, and not work people to death in the name of some “mission” or “vision” like many cult-like start-up gurus hyping up working for clout, NO. If you’re not a registered charity - you should be profit-sharing/paying people properly. Newer people can still be paid starting wages which are expected to increase later, let’s not steal people’s time.
We may not have chosen our predicaments, but no one else is responsible for being at the mercy/expense of our lack of resources. Grow up a little, maybe get a second job? PAY YOUR PEOPLE, we pay bills with money, not your clout and people don't need to put themselves at risk to be at the beck and call of cheapskates.
“Exposure” to a “network” is not guaranteed to be your target market or high conversion, such people will make you seem like you’re all about money: but what does a business run on? Especially a business with a fundraising component, meanwhile... they’re not even a registered charity.
Let's all respect people's time shall we? If you were not adding value in the now, they would not be interested! RUN from the God-complexes of the world who believe they come before your life priorities and think they're owed any explanation for that, slam those doors quickly. You owe them nothing. You're not their robot or their subservient canine. They're not the ticket to get you where you want to be if it's contingent on spending time you don't have in the first place. The right people will not try to fool you!
When you’re willing to get things for yourself/by yourself, you cannot be manipulated by dangling carrots. The right connections will like you for your existing quality of work/craft and work ethic, not as a means to squeeze anything that resembles free labour out of you (people have existing businesses to run.).
I would never expect someone to set themselves on fire because of my resourcing problems as a business owner, I would figure it out without making it someone else’s issue. I am not a registered charity and I don’t expect people to make my brand their whole life. Integrity 101.
I enjoy my business and still have a “do not disturb” feature on my phone because it secures my recharge time so no, passion doesn’t forgo burnout and enjoyment doesn’t mean 24/7 and the more we care about quality, the more we respect our off-time.
Not only is there a “do not disturb feature” on phone, I check business emails 2 x a day MAX unless it’s order fulfillment. Let’s stop equating work-life separation as a factor only for people who hate their jobs. It’s quality assurance so we are managing energy for sustainability.
You’ll be crazy to those who can’t manipulate you, you’ll be difficult/distant/cold for having limits, you’ll be selfish for not being user-friendly... All of that outweighs the imprisonment of living in accordance to anything but your purpose/inner voice/alignment with Source.