Own Your ENOUGHNESS!
You don’t have to change the core of who you are just because someone else has a problem with it, it’s OK to mitigate our flaws, but it is not OK to not live according to our own values.
We are the ones who decide our priorities and path, no one else is the author here.
“Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you." - Matthew 8:28-32.
I will not hold back for people who did not treat me with even the slightest dignity, I know that's hard to comprehend for biased people, but if you don't get with the times... your ignorance won't get you very far anymore. This is the natural effect of utter neglect.
Dignity is the ability to respect the differences of others without demanding explanations as understanding is never a requirement.
Unsafe people will insult you in one breath, and then proclaim to like you in another, the only solution is to remove yourself.
They'll use your vulnerabilities against you as well, when you're bleeding.
How did they have the TIME to make assumption, pounce on me, yet no time to fact-find and create solutions? I find that interesting.
Another reason to never set yourself on fire is that if you do, certain people will tell you that it’s not hot enough.
Doing what you do not owe is never part of a fair deal. It is possible to go beyond but within the paid scope. Otherwise, that’s a form of self-abandonment I learned was truly not worth it, they'll still chew you out when you are asking for help. Trust me, there is no insulation against such people. Giving them the benefit of the doubt towards certain things also didn't help me shield myself.
I think it was really interesting that when I spoke up about the workload, I was told that it is simply part of my job description, as was everything. Please explain to me how it is psychologically safe to be told that just because something is a part of my job description, that the workload simply cannot get better, and that essentially, my personal time does not matter, there was no control over the volume of the work at all.
The "put up and shut up" attitude when someone is clearly stating that they cannot take anymore and they are already working evenings/into night and resisting the most basic process improvements, while having time to peddle unrealistic expectations and force false instructions that ought to have been known to be erroneous but not listening (costing me a few weekends, but who cares about lackeys, they're easily replaced), yet having time to pounce on everything and attempt paper-trail someone out of the place they earned/sabotage them is sadistic.
Of course, if it is in my "job description", my overwhelm is irrelevant/false/a joke and a reasonable workload isn't possible, right? So was it me who waited too long to speak up, or was I shoved back into my little robot box when I did? They had time to pick me apart, but not reflow work? Who is the one who can't set priorities correctly?
All this, while knowing fully that I was on medication trials.
Turnover helps them stay in chaos-mode so nothing ever gets fixed.
How did they have time to exaggerate my flaws, psychoanalyze me, but not even implement interim flexibility or even semi-reasonable workflows? A rather interesting use of time, is it really a lack of know-how or a choice? We will never know.
Untenable was an understatement.
We are not here to trim ourselves down to suit their insecurities.
Let them keep projecting, while you keep on living. Their projections are an autobiography.
Predicable hours/reasonable workloads is asking too much when you're around the wrong people.
Around the wrong people, you will be punished by exerting a normal sense of self and autonomy because they don’t want you to have equal say in any type of relationship (even working ones), you having power of any sort is a threat to them, this is why they get passive aggressive.
We’re not here to manage anyone’s filters, we’re here to LIVE out loud. It’s not coincidental that the only people we need naturally/organically “get” us and don’t require exhausting explanations that are designed to twist things/wear us down, no thanks.
You're not responsible to lose out on being the greatest expression of yourself in in order to cater what you do not owe the wrong people in the first place.
You do not repay hostility with kindness and expect it to stop, that is not the solution.
The people who take a boundary personally because their intentions were supposedly good are using a manipulation tactic to make you feel bad for setting it in the first place (guilt-mongering and invalidation), that's a them-problem, not a you-problem.
You should be able to respect someone's limits, without understanding them, especially if you're an adult.
I wasn't even asking for kindness, though, this was outwardly hostile designed it to put me down, it was behind closed doors for the most part.
I'm not saying the absence of kindness was an issue, the presence of outward hostility was a problem. This was an infringement on my psychological safety.
As a mechanism against accountability, they poke at you and call you outside your name... then they say "see, she reacted, she's crazy" - this way, they can point at your flaws as if you having flaws erased the part they played in the equation.
It was a near-infringement on my ability to get up and earn an income every day because I did not want to deal with them. I was very quiet about it at first, but then I realized, they were pouncing on me at the slightest imperfection, I hope this teaches someone out there that protecting the people who are putting you down is never going to protect you because they are still going to continue bashing you underhandedly... kindness does not win with certain people, you have to stand up for yourself.
Pouncing on my "productivity" and how my anxiety was disruptive when most people living in the middle of war-like protests would have taken time off and not pushed through the pain to continue working... that's the emotional intelligence of a peanut. No care for wellness during war-times, but bold enough to care a little too much how I spend my personal time and money, very backwards and not their jurisdiction.
Some go as far as playing the victim over a limit you set. How is it that people expect what they don't pay for or reward? Lazy thinking is entitlement. They tell you how to spend time that doesn't belong to them via the disorganization they perpetuate. They then want to return the robot to the factory when the robot stops functioning perfectly because the sadists are stealing precious health/recovery time.
These people want the grace they refused to give, that is not how this works.
Dignified ways to connect exist, but that's not possible when showing respect for time that did not belong to them and showing gratitude were a chore. Those who feel they're owed unconditional loyalty aren't prone to being grateful.
Anything/anyone you were not enough for was not enough for you. Never do more for people who will shoot you down regardless. They will thrive on making you feel small so they get a 2 for 1 deal! Why buy sufficient resources when we can squeeze the crap out of current ones? Besides, the lackeys are easy to replace, who cares if they burn out, they're disposable. Doesn't matter if the overlap is already causing time debt, let's push more onto them until they finally snap and we can then feign ignorance.
Having a vision for your life is a basic tenet of autonomy as is valuing your off time (a people-first business holds the health of underlings sacred and stays away from whatever isn't owed to them), anyone looking down on this is trying to blame-shift. I am not discounting my tendencies to work a lot, I'm simply stating that certain settings are just not right for me given their lack of structure/organization.
I don't even work my own business during my time off, so anyone who believes that their business is the exception to this rule is highly delusional. Work ethic is still within what is paid time/agreed-upon hours. We don't owe anyone free labour, especially not a sinking ship where that labour is not getting anyone anywhere.
You cannot go above and beyond for people who want to keep you small/make you feel small as even working with half your faculties missing is still not enough, this means nothing is enough and you will be dragged (behind the scenes) when you ask for the exploitation to stop. Unreasonable people are wired towards never being grateful for anything, not dedication, not heart, not care. It was never enough to warrant even fake care for wellbeing...
It takes a special level of un-evolved-ness to think that wellness is separate from control over one’s own time off, predictable hours, and predictable workloads to a reasonable extent as no control over one's own time off is asking for the erosion of any baseline engagement in one's work and if you cannot plan your own time, you're not living.
Those secure in their skin don’t put time into making assumptions and personality policing.
Let's start with the basics of what a professional business relationship constitutes and what we owe/do not owe them, shall we?
They can't be bothered to show gratitude or pretend to care that you're sacrificing your sleep over their disorganization.
It comes down to how inclusive set-ups are for people who function differently, how safe they are asking basic questions that relate to their functions (is it safe or do they walk on eggshells), and how respected is their sacred personal time for family/friends/obligations?
Genuine power is from within, and it is not relative to someone else’s status, when we stand strong in who we are, we don’t feel the need to put other people down (subtly of course, so they can easily make excuses about it and try to make you question your reality which they would not do if they had nothing to hide).
Personal responsibility is something they evade by vilifying those who speak up.
The weaponization of forgiveness insinuates that it requires reconciliation, it doesn’t. There is peace in distance.
Being at peace with the distance is beautiful.
No longer dreading my daily existence is a nice change! It must be my messed up perception though, not me gaslighting myself.
Goodbye and GOOD RIDDANCE to needing to beg for:
• guaranteed personal time in exchange for work ethic during set hours (work ethic doesn't warrant unlimited hours - despite the sense of inadequacy they try to instil underhandedly - as people have lives and health conditions aren't necessary to expect reasonable workloads);
• non-condescending interactions;
• no longer needing to bother/lobby other people who could implement my ideas when coming from them since they were shot down mid-sentence coming from me;
• not being psychoanalyzed like a museum artifact after revealing I had medical issues;
• not worrying about being called outside my name;
• not worrying about severe scrutiny and excessive monitoring the minute medical issues were revealed (that doesn't sound coincidental does it);
• not having to explain that objectification/violation of innate boundaries in a business setting without prior consent ought to have been known to be offensive and consist of blatant gender-bias without needing to be told this in the first place (interesting how you can't expect to be included in information that is relevant to you business-wise, but no worries, they'll make up for it by their sexist attitudes - it's not demeaning, it's a compliment you stuck-up troublemaker... we still expect you to want to be around these types of people, we don't care how the lack of psychological safety affects you);
• not having to explain why frat house behaviour/innuendo is not normal/acceptable;
• not wondering why they had time to pounce, yet not listen to valid ideas (but those ideas countered the disorganization they seem to enjoy);
• not wasting my personal time treating it like my own business and showing extreme ownership, only to have my efforts dismantled later;
• not having to spend my personal time cleaning up messes that other people made while also conveniently resisting standardization because the personal time of lackeys doesn't matter and they're just extensions of an inconsistent agenda;
• not having very quick-to-implement procedures when drowning ignored;
• not fighting overlap daily or not knowing what my role would be from one day to the next as if I had time for such distractions;
• not having basic focus hours ignored for detailed work (anyone who wants underlings to succeed would find a way to respect it even if they didn't understand it, but robots are easy-to-replace objects, especially for overlords who take their limits as a personal attack, especially limits over what we don't even owe them in the first place).
Nothing speaks transparency and listening skills louder than passive aggression when setting a line around what personally belonged to me and had nothing to do with what I owed as part of the business deal, right?
When we set a limit, it may indirectly uproot other issues, so they tend not to like that and blame-shift (despite you being well within your rights to put an end to being taken for granted, demeaned, and treated differently for rejecting their attitudes).
The overlap intensified when I spoke up about the gender-bias. Coincidence?
IMPACT > intention. If the intentions were good, they would have stopped the nonsense immediately and not guilt-mongered each limit set.
It is our personal decision what constitutes appropriate or inappropriate in a business working relationship. Anyone who has an issue with this and continues to impose their intrusiveness on us in different ways/varying forms that can be dismissed as endearing... is simply looking for a cheap way at holding power over us. Creating discomfort in the target under the guise of any excuse is a strategy to hold dominion over our minds and self-worth. The easier that the manner employed is to excuse, the more easily they can cover it up. The more subtle it is, the better it is for them.
It takes a special level of lack of life experience to disrespect the separation between the personal and professional realm. To skip towards personal and not even be personable and care for wellness/hours is bizarre. Can someone please remind this child that these are business working relationships and that we don't owe them anything else? I think it's really funny when someone reacts with hostility to a basic normal boundary and then spend an entire week being passive aggressive all because you set a limit, imagine having to deal with that!
• no one owes anyone else what they don’t pay for or outline in the upfront agreement (scope/hours);
• if they expect certain hours from you, you should expect that they should stay off the hours that belong to you;
• softening your voice/concerns won’t save you from being chewed out when drowning (that’s not how you protect yourself, haters don’t fight fair);
• they will pretend the basics are them doing you a favour (the basics you had to fight for);
• the minute you become imperfect, despite the hostility they knowingly subjected you to, be prepared to fight for your life.
I mean, to expect perfection yet simultaneously disrespect your ability to use your own time as health/recovery which precedes the basic functions of your brain and body is sadistic beyond belief (sorry we can't outsource sleep), and to threaten your livelihood in a thinly veiled manner prior to even finding out any facts... those are signs to be careful around these types of people (they'll switch up on you based on the narrative/agenda that suits them at the time).
Business is a 2-way street and dignity matters wherever you may be on the hierarchy, let the unprofessional fools mess with themselves.
It was simply expected as it was in my purview, but who cares about the added volume right? Who needs sleep?
Creating a sense of inadequacy that the target internalizes with subtle put-downs over a span of time sets the stage for us to self-blame so that we do not recognize the mistreatment when it begins, it’s much easier to tolerate nonsense/sub-optimal situations that don't replenish us when we feel we deserved it (like having flaws was a reason for it or something).
Not only will some make insinuations about your medical conditions, I realized at one point that achieving a productive operational system was not going to be allowed to happen around them as their strength came from stalling my progress, some are slimy blood suckers like that. It was not that it wasn’t possible to achieve operational success as a whole, but smooth operations was simply not going to be allowed as the obstacle was a person, a person who dismantled me via refusing to look at reality and a person who used my mental health against me in sneaky ways.
If all they could do was blame-shift when you suffered and consistently created obstacles to smooth operations (it’s not possible to be that ignorant is it), there’s no way self-actualization would have been possible around that cesspool of invertebrates.
The right people will see your worth and treat you like they see your worth. Their actions will match their words consistently!
As for the wrong people... If your distance is a result of their own actions, they can stay confused or feign ignorance all they want... it changes nothing.
Should I have continued to suffer in silence because I would be bashed in return for voicing a very genuine problem? Talk about psychological safety, it's no wonder I didn't ask for help sooner with the fake blame-shifting quick fixes they gave me before.
You cannot reason with the unreasonable, nor can you feel safe asking for the basics.
Please, if you're surrounded by that, forge a way out. You cannot win with the impossible. You'll never be enough for them and their refusal to give adequate resources.
It may have lead me to better pastures (it did for sure), but it was a lot of suffering to get there. I should have triggered a change sooner.
We own our stories and personal experiences and we're not shy to share them to make sure that others do not feel alone in their lived experiences. Did they think I’d hide my thoughts and be silenced?
I do appreciate the whole experience for putting me on the right path with people who actually value me. People who appreciate me and respect my time, and vice versa. People who treat me with care, class, professionalism. People who don't make excuses and don't disrespect me (no power-hunger, just pure intentions, organic bonds and happiness).
I still think it's really funny that the people that cannot be bothered to show gratitude and the personable or hell-bent on getting too personal (way out of their jurisdiction/playing doctor) and then insinuating that you're cold and withdrawn when you just want professionalism which is truly the basics, but they couldn't even do that. Maybe it's just that not everyone clicks, but this was on a whole other level of exhausting.
Protecting your time isn't lacking dedication /generosity, it is living within your limits and means as a human first - not an extension of anyone's agenda at the expense of uninterrupted time for health.
Exploiting people's personal time as a crutch to resist actually getting organized when they have already presented you with solutions?
Doing too much for the wrong people is the fastest road to burnout. Emotional burnout actually.
Those who go out of their way to make you look sub-par for no logical reason except their own insecure projections, amidst a medical crisis you had that they knew about, have some serious issues to solve within themselves.
“Zen” is not a reason to put up with a lot of things or be transmuting it, conditions for healing can sometimes means re-working your situation and a better one may organically unfold...
Sometimes, the only way to think higher vibrational thoughts is to leave the situation, and sometimes the lesson is to listen to our intuition, so spirituality does not mean unlimited tolerance.
It is much more "warm" to care about people's time and wellness than personal questions and weird comments on their health conditions.
You do not owe anything further to people who did not support you the one time you needed it, your energy replenishment is your first priority and going overboard for ungrateful people was a huge mistake.
When someone who never asks for help finally does, then gets judged, it reminds you to not set yourself on fire for entitled/ungrateful people who will exploit you until you bleed/crack/react to their (various but entertaining) forms of bias/process issues. Clean their messes only to be spit on when you ask for the basics: your time belonging to you. Basics: stay off people’s health time if you expect them to survive/be on time, do not blame their workaholic tendencies for your unreasonable expectations from hell.
How to treat people like humans: respect their time on and off, keep your paternalistic invasiveness for people who owe you personal intimacy, not your underlings in business. You respect humanity by respecting time/wellness, don’t confuse having personal boundaries with coldness, your title doesn’t earn you trust, your invasiveness is far from being genuinely warm/kind and your neglect (while you spent time pouncing on my every flaw)... far less than the trash I'd wish on my worst enemy.
We respect the humanity of those we do business with by treating their personal time for health/family as SACRED, we don’t make our lack of resources their problem, we respect that non-robots NEED rest and don’t owe us cleaning up the disorganization (for dinosaurs who hate structure). The same dinosaurs who have time to nickname people, but cannot be brought even quick and logical ideas because you must walk on eggshells so not to make the Medieval Lord look bad. Stay in line you serf.
Let’s just pick apart the flaws when the robots finally break down, but forget the gender-bias, the nitpicking, the incessant demands that lead them to it and forget how we failed to help them the first time they asked... I can’t think of many people who would survive a dumpster fire where they had time for “your mom” jokes, but not for including you in information required for you to do your work.
This type of person will pry into your private life, make jokes about how gender-bias is not real, psychoanalyze you, but be very dismissive when it comes to business-related tweaks per medical needs, how backwards and insane is this?
No amount of self-sacrifice will work and no amount of self-sacrifice is noble to begin with!
Genuine people value your valuable services and time.
Save your superpowers for where it’s reciprocated, not for the thieves who infringed on your health/recovery time... but pounced on you when you showed any imperfection (that’s what happens when you roboticize people). You do not owe anything above what you receive, parity only.
Could it be that times of crisis correct certain things inadvertently? Could it be that adversity actually presents us with solutions that we never thought were possible before? Could it be a paradigm shift? It takes a shake up to wake up sometimes.
No to people who back-channel and blame, no to people who don't do what they said that they were going to do, no to people who don't comprehend the difference between work and non-work time, and no to people who just cannot be relied on for when things get tough but when things get tough, they're very quick to push you down further and act inconvenienced and continue with the inaction.
You can confirm that it’s shady when the actions don’t match the words.
The incompatibility issue stemmed from the overlord, as flexibility isn't that revolutionary in the right setting!
Alignment shows how expensive mis-alignment was.
It’s not our fault, but healing is still our responsibility so that we level up rather than remain distracted by the crazy-making and blame-shifting.
It’s not until we see the cost of detrimental (and rather lazy) assumptions on the bottom line that we stop making them. Not enough information and facts to offer bare minimal flexibility, yet enough information (or fabrications) to plan my demise?
Never sit at a table where you are not valued, that's not the place where you're going to reach even a fraction of your potential! And the cost is just way too high. Alignment shows you the loss/cost stemming from mis-alignment and fighting for the basics daily is typically foreshadowing that the ROI on a situation like that is none... The Universe stepped in for me; however, I can't believe that I wasted so much of my life!
Fake mentorship is a guise for control from some, you don’t owe anyone that level of control over your path: be careful. They'll take you wanting a clearly professional working relationship as a perceived slight and unleash passive aggression as if you weren't within your rights! I am always going to question it when people demand trust instead of earning it.
In experiences with invertebrates, it was the opposite of a mentor, it was a fake cloak for it and when I spoke up for my needs, attempts to oust me began. Anything to show their power and put the brat in her place. You had so much time for that, yet no time to use Google to better comprehend the request around the medical condition? Priority setting skills are definitely your forte!
Never be afraid of processing negative emotion: when the goal (intent) is releasing it - it won’t draw more negative to you. Wellness is also not being afraid of honouring your truth. Be afraid of bottling things up (this gives them a reaction to use against you).
Heavily question situations that require constant self-abandonment, invisibility, and underhandedly make it clear that you having a voice/needs in the equation is not welcome. The sooner you honour your worth, the sooner the Universe will align organic matches for you.
I used to want a seat at the table so badly, I used to want to be included in what affected me... Only when I became clear on my worth did the Universe shift everything for me and the Universe had my back. Worthiness precedes manifestation.
They must have been fueled by my tears if they kept pushing me to do more when I was already at my (fairly reasonable) limit. It’s like... merciless. I am owning my tendencies, but some won’t stop taking advantage until the powers of the Universe intervene. Who cares what the cost was to you.
If we can SAVE someone else from being fooled like we were just by sharing the red flags we saw so they can recognize them in their own experience... amazing, that’s the purpose of BOLDLY sharing our lived experiences and ... they weren’t worrying about offending us were they? We don't need to protect those who hurt us.
Imagine having to like and understand someone's personality in order to not be a hostile towards them and in order to give them the bare minimum during a time of struggle where something business related could have easily been implemented to help (at a low time cost, a lower time cost than hunting for errors and flaws to make it seem like they're an idiot)?
The distance that was kept during my struggle, please TRIPLE it during my success... oh no, actually 10X it, please and thank you. I’ll make things happen that would have never been possible while being held back, held down, living on a hamster wheel going nowhere.
Because I put my heart and soul into things I never go toe to toe for the extra I give... but when it’s not respected and the necessity of extra work amidst working against disorganized chaos... then I start to ask myself a lot of questions. If someone has time to tear down my bring forward systems and my to do list methodology and tell me that being organized is a waste of time in a detail oriented business, I don’t think that person actually wants me to succeed. If this person had THAT MUCH time to tear down my procedures, why didn’t they have time to discuss being flexible about other things that truly mattered for the common goals and bottom line?
- People pretend well.
- People will be extra nice when they're using you. Do not cross oceans for those who can't jump puddles.
- Your time is more valuable than wasting it on dead-ends.
- Know that anyone who does NOT include you in business-relevant issues, but bulldozes themselves in areas of your life that they have no right to, is not looking for you to succeed. They'll steal your time/talent and bury you alive!
Disingenuine controlling comments and demeaning mental health/staring people down degradingly like in a frat house is not warmth, don't let delusional people make you feel like professionalism is transactional when it can co-exist with being personable. Because if it was nicely intended, it would feel respectful, did you hear me? Read it again, and again, until you dismantle your delusional lies.
Let go and let karma.
- You will not have to allow yourself to be silenced around the right people for you.
- No one worthy of your time will kick you when you're down. Not asking for kindness, just the absence of jabs.
- Your work is not to tolerate the untenable.
- You can't self-sacrifice enough to help situations who seem to love their chaos/ confusion/ disorganization.
- Do not let them steal what is rightfully yours. You earned your place and the hours that were agreed-upon, now they're mad that you're speaking up for your boundaries? They're personalizing your limits and chosen priorities in life because they're mad they cannot use you any longer!
- Use your voice, let them stay mad.
- Never trust anyone who dismisses your concerns and needs to be pushed to solve any issue because they're too busy picking at your flaws and telling you that you're the one who is sensitive about various levels of intrusiveness/invasiveness/personal space and you should stop being sensitive (it's not a toxic frat house, you're the problem of course and they'll go to lengths to prove that despite any subsequent feigned attempts at damage control which are still just them doing the basics no matter how special they want it to seem: they did this to themselves, they failed to provide a healthy environment and they wasted my time which is even worse than the toxic environment).
Do not try to reason with someone who thinks that it bad to keep a healthy space between your personal and professional life, this type of person just does not comprehend that concept/respect self-determination... and they are not invested in your wellness at all, they are invested in making everyone operate like they do as if they were a God or something.
- Choose your peace! Someone who believes a "to-do" list is a waste of time (who believes an inbox should take the place of a catch-all system) is not looking for you to succeed, they're more invested in putting you down so they can big themselves up. This is actually hilarious, is this a joke? To work in a detail-driven field and tell a subordinate that their to-do list is not worth an extra few minutes is something I never thought I would encounter. This level of callous/passive aggression is visible in going after someone's tools while waiting to pounce on them to play "gotcha"... this is not the same as a lack of knowledge in diversity, this was a blatant choice to bring someone weaker down which is a special level of misery. People who are strong and secure don't spend their time that way and then whine about not having time to manage workloads.
- If they can be covertly passive aggressive and manipulative once, they will do it again and note that they won't show anything but their charming side to everyone else, they don't target anyone with their underhanded smearing/sabotaging/destructive ways.
- If they have time to put you down, they have time to manage your workload, period, that wasn't a mistake, that was a clear choice and way to show their power... and to act anything you did "made" them behave that way is proof of them being children in adult bodies.
Two more things:
• Anyone who wants to see you win will not try to defeat you in the background (whatever their excuses).
• The “do what you’re told” mentality, even when it’s at your expense/costs you what you do not owe is whack.
🚩I share the flags for ☠️ awareness. ✅ Their actions didn't match their empty words.
Thinking that a title makes you authorized to belittle me was a mistake, it is wrong on all counts and I will make sure to share my story to empower others.
Valuing yourself is not self-importance, the people who believe they can bulldoze your boundaries/plans/priorities are the ones who have an inflated ego and self-importance so break up with the version of you that didn't recognize this: how can someone who cared so little about work-related matters be so interested in dominating your sense of self-worth by belittling you in private and pushing themselves into a jurisdiction that was way too intrusive to play off as "connection" - it's weird to put it lightly.
Genuine connections are not boundary-less, boundaries are what maintains an individual's basic freedom and need to be considered, rather than dominated in subtle ways to chip away at their self-worth... is that designed so that trash stops smelling like trash after a while since you've been around it for so long?
Have fun with your frat house, I won't miss it one bit.
Next time you try to destroy someone's ability to make a living over your sick and twisted bias and disgusting levels of entitlement to what is never expected/owed in a business setting from multiple facets of meaning, remember this:
Knowing the motives before you allow anyone that close (attempts at controlling/redirecting your path to suit whatever their agenda is at the time) is not paranoia, it’s self-respect, who cares how someone else chooses to take your well-defined limits. Let them be mad at you exercising basic free will. Control is a sign of extreme insecurity.
Dignity is respecting personal and mental space and it's sickening that they felt entitled to cross boundaries repeatedly, while excluding me from what impacted the work itself, if that's not a sign of sad ineptitude, not sure what is.
Why is it that the people who have little to no value to bring to the table expect the most? Perfection in exchange for crumbs? They’ll (attempt to) destabilize you in the background and then blame-shift, their karma is the misery they live in to be that type of sadist. Immediate responses in exchange for being conveniently ignored (even ignored in group settings) except when they needed something? Total idiocy.
I never needed a clown-a-saurus-rex who was inconvenienced by my (natural) anxiety during a war-like time (which most people fled the scene due to its intensity) to see my worth (my value/dignity is from within), I simply regret wasting my time and talent. That’s all.
Someone who is just trying to be connecting with you or friendly will not be invasive in the process, that is not someone who is trying to be nice, that is someone who is trying to dominate you for whatever agenda they may have, and sometimes, they just want you to feel smaller and easier to control... There is a major difference between kindness and ickiness.
They'll then try to push your limits by making you seem cold or stand-offish (they vilify boundaries without respecting that those differ person to person and they don't need to approve of/understand something in order to respect it), when they're the ones approaching a business relationship in a very crass/entitled manner. Any lack of respect and dignity creates an UNHEALTHY situation and you cannot form respectful/respectable partnerships with people who view you as a robot/means to achieve their goals with no regard for your humanity. It doesn't work like that. People who demand trust and don't show dignity don't desrve anything.
Denying the harm done because the person has flaws? Really?
Let me rephrase that more clearly:
Denying the harm done because the person receiving the outwardly messed up treatment has flaws... if that’s not lacking empathy for the side effects of one’s own actions/inactions... Clownerama on fleek.
Standing up for ourselves isn't the same thing as refusing to let things go. Refusing to let things go are the people who take you enforcing your rights/limits as personal insults/slights and maintain a passive aggressive attitude towards you, bash your procedures which they desperately need, and try to oust you all while feigning ignorance like the worst actors on the planet. They feel victimized by your boundaries, how adorable! See, I can be a condescending gaslighter too.
Not caring about my wellness, respecting my work hours, and time yet prying into my personal life? Ridiculously backwards and lack of awareness doesn't seem to cut it.
Callous, self-important, exploitative, looking at subordinates as inanimate robots via infringing on time for wellness, always needing to be right, argumentative, unable to listen, haughty, overly critical with little to no facts to back up the judgements, types are not my people! I am not seeking empathy from people I don't vibe with, I was seeking the mere absence of hostility. Of course, I am way too sensitive and I must have deserved it due to being flawed!
Sometimes, empathy does not mean agreeing with someone or giving in, it just means not worsening their situation. If you can't say anything nice, try keeping your arrogant mouth shut.
No one deserves to have this amount of crazy-making, blame-shifting, and cover-ups to be happening within the scope of legitimate concerns and have their life/time wasted through shaming someone for claiming their time because shining a light on overwork makes them look bad and it hurts their little ego when you speak up (who wants to work for free for people like that).
The sewer will eventually take you down with it, but there was a way out, thankfully. The waste water isn’t something you can fight against.
Kind-hearted people have limits too.
I suppose there are various ways to bear whatever cross it is and without being involved in every little thing, sharing your story may resonate with someone who needs it and help them see the flags you didn’t. You can’t succeed around a clown hellbent on disempowering you.
I think it’s just about not giving everything to whatever doesn’t show you blatantly that you’re valued. Match energy and don’t give it what it doesn’t give you, the way to put some criteria around your investment of heart.
Do not let it stop your functioning and daily life, but pausing and taking the time to heal/process emotions in the moment, if possible, makes healing a lot faster! Recognizing the poor treatment so that you do not get trapped for as long... is paramount.
I think the biggest lesson coming out of the junkyard is that you do not have to be perfect/flawless to be treated with the most basic amount of dignity (especially when bleeding) and anybody who tells you any different has an agenda (and they are not your people).
Expecting dysfunctional situations and people to be good to us is a definite sign that more healing is needed, as with trying to get them to "get" us. Changing the core of who we are to be acceptable to them doesn't make sense as they don't want us to have personal autonomy, dictators like spineless pushovers with no self-esteem.
Appeasing/pleasing/caving in for people who don’t like you or who are harming you in any way shape or form will not make them stop, that is the biggest lesson that I’ve learned. Dimming your light is also not a solution as then you’re robbing yourself of your full potential! Appeasing them would be giving away your power and self-worth.
How others treat you is their karma, but you do not need to stick around for more.
If someone repeatedly does things that they know irritates you: you have an overgrown baby on your hands, you have to ask yourself why your pain tolerance was so high and reduce it right now so that you now repel egomaniacs who thrive on provoking reactions/making you smaller. Such egomaniacs want you to feel beholden to them as if they held the key to your dreams... they breadcrumb you so that you stay silent. The future-faking is intense!
Personalizing the lines and differences of another and acting like it's an injury to the ego is like really something else! Being on the receiving end of a passive aggression tantrum is hilarious thinking back on it, all because of speaking up for my rights. How dare I!
We are not responsible for anyone else's inability or unwillingness to manage or assign priorities correctly, manage workloads properly, and resources their things adequately, we have a finite amount of time to ourselves for basic health.
Unexpected issues should be accounted for in the budget of hours and they can move things around within the finite hours, but it should not be your personal time suffering as a result especially if there is no "on call" or ICU-level expectation attached to that level of work. They expected me to suffer silently and I was immediately and indirectly shunned for doing so by someone who thinks that those beneath them are not deserving of personal time they can count on... Oh so I should regret expressing my thoughts? The personality police can think whatever they want, I was not going to worsen my health for people I don't even admire/respect as their chosen behaviour lost both.
Some people will never be happy with you unless they can run all over you and manipulate you and have you doing exactly what they want you to do, even if it's at your own expense and never part of the deal to begin with. The positive appraisal of such people is meaningless.
Forgoing your right to boundaries and self-respect or privacy just because your lines are different than theirs is also not the solution! Speaking up will test the strength, authenticity, and maturity of your relationships. The only way to win the unwinnable is to self-abandon and we were not put on this planet to babysit egos who personalize everything and act wounded when a line is set.
Protecting harmful people instead of yourself will cost you and not spare you any further nonsense. Put you first. They surely did not and will not.
Humanity is just about respecting wellness, how complicated is that? It takes a special type of arrogance to make someone else's health limitations mean something about you.
For the wrong people, a boundary around them insulting you and degrading you will be an insult to them, they will take offence to you standing up for yourself, which is a low level of maturity frankly!
How dare I speak up, how dare I put my own vision for the life that I own, which is mine, how dare I have a voice? Imagine being insulted by another person's rights out of inconvenience? Exploitation at its finest!
The biggest loss was wasting my time while I could have been spending it in situations that would not treat me poorly to begin with. When they have excuses for that type of treatment, they know what they’re doing. When you wake up to the loss, you are shocked at how bad it was.
Having flaws is not the same as harming another person, but they will act like it is just to get out of the responsibility of accountability for their own actions, don’t stay around people like that, trash stops smelling like trash once you’ve been around for a while.
You should only have to say something once in order to have it be respected... otherwise: you're around the wrong people!
People who care about impact aren’t repeat offenders, when you’re dealing with exploitative users and manipulators, it’s a different type of clown species who doesn’t comprehend logic.
If they don’t have the logic or humanity to view their people as people and not robots (and not encroach on their personal time in an excessive manner even after being told that this was the effect of disorganization - because everything just takes 5 minutes, but minutes make up hours), they won’t care - ever. Lesson: don't deal with clowns. Not for as long as I did!
Minutes make up hours, so don’t try to explain to a clown how much time their disorganization has already caused you to lose. First, remove yourself. Second, minimize exposure. Third, shield your precious personal time from the effects of their love of chaos. Lost causes.
It's a lost cause at some point.
They can’t even get the business components right, but they go straight for your personal life (commenting on your mental health as if you're a museum artefact)... That’s not because they care, if they cared, they would respect your time off for wellness, they would actually make sure the procedures did not waste your time due to excessive disorganization, they will see you as a human with basic needs for rest ... They would not insist on continuing the chaos when they clearly knew about the impacts of it for multiple years... this was always about showing dominance and yielding power. If you standing up for your basic rights highlights some of the deficiencies, so be it, as it's better than suffering in silence for way longer than is necessary.
They only like you for as long as you make them look good. You were never a person. You were just a pawn.
Depletion mode for people who did not do the bare minimum is ridiculous because it almost convinces you that you are the reason for their inability to reciprocate and that is not the true. They are simply not willing or capable and it’s not your problem.
Whataboutism and tone-policing:
This is when they'll blame your non-cutesy (yet firm/polite/direct) tone for their hostility? I don't have to pepper anything with incessant smiley faces and unnecessary cuteness when I'm just being firm and polite, why is it always women who get tone policed via egomaniacs? The same ideas were implemented by someone else, so was it my tone or was it that it came from the wrong person a.k.a. me?
You can't be direct and polite anymore, you have to add flowers to everything because you might insult someone's ego by basically saying that something that is disorganized to this degree is causing you to basically work for free to try to keep up and stopping you from taking on more?
How is that insulting? If I was a manager, I would actually appreciate people coming to me with their concerns because I would actually care about their well-being and I would spend less time nicknaming them and psychoanalyzing them, and actually doing something about the workload the first time they spoke up but that's that's just me who am I...
No matter what you say to certain people, they will not care, so what is the point because they've already shown you that they don't see you as a separate being with your own unique rights and needs.
All hope is lost if you believe that stopping engaging with them is the solution, and I think that's a very healthy place to be because detachment is the only way to cope with people who throw dirt on you for years on end when all you were trying to do was improve processes and do your best, but anything that makes them look bad (improving basic processes so everyone's time will stop being wasted will be twisted against you. DO NOT FALL INTO THE ABYSS. Cruelty loses power when you stop engaging.
That basura was the LAST time that I’ll be personality policed for being firm after heavy dismissiveness, put down while bleeding, tolerate insinuation of my personal time being guaranteed for health causing inconvenience - disrespected time due to (denied) chaos. NEVER again.
Someone who is fulfilled, secure, and confident in their own skin will not need to even react to anyone else’s differences in the first place because they don’t feel the need to put someone else down to raise themselves up. Genuine souls don’t feel a need to pounce, project, mock, or humiliate.
Would anyone be inclined to be extra happy/excited to deal with someone who counselled them to leave their rightfully earned place while bleeding/asking for help/while sick? Who would want to be around that, let alone work for free in exchange for that trash? Must be my flaws. 😆
If I have to step outside my vision for who I am just to gain someone else’s favor (fickle at best), or be acceptable to them or advance anything, I am not interested... what is right for me will not have me compromise me values, peace, timing, and my dignity. 🔥
The first flag was thinking that they were owed my unpaid personal time at the expense of health for their chaos and denial of the existence of that level of disorganization, I was inconveniencing them by rightfully being unavailable outside the scope of budgeted hours? No.
Yes, there are people in the world who would rather fix the root of the issue rather than suck up your personal unpaid time and use it as a crutch for the denial of their disarray and chaos. Imagine exploiting someone just to cover up your issues, disgusting.
Energetic alignment, ability to express yourself without walking on eggshells, being heard, having your hours respected, healthy connections that honour individual lines/boundaries (free will), mutually uplifting vibes: the Universe meets you there when you raise the bar... I was done spelling out the basics so I found a way to manifest a drastic change and the Universe responded (the circumstances also called for it, but spending another minute of my time and energy tolerating that was unacceptable, so untenable that Spirit moved mountains). 🙏
I share past experiences as I don’t want passionate people who love their craft to feel like the personality police, micromanagers, or anyone else who dislikes them/feels inconvenienced by their medical conditions or whatever else has any right/power to redirect their path.
Never have your self-worth wrapped up in meeting unrealistic, callous, senseless demands / expectations at your own expense. Holding onto your worthiness that comes from within makes the opinions of the unwinnable highly irrelevant. The issue was giving them any relevance, ever.
The wrong people will make you believe you should not have spoken up as that was the root of their mistreatment... Never let people like that make you stuff your valid needs/emotions. They love to silence you. People who thrive on being right/arguing on everything no matter how nicely you said it... are not worth invalidating yourself for!
Never be pushed out of your earned place, and share flags to help others in similar situations. ✨