Grant Forgiveness, Deny Access When Necessary: Dignity Always

Grant Forgiveness, Deny Access When Necessary: Dignity Always

"Your dignity can be mocked, abused, compromised, toyed with, lowered and even badmouthed, but it can never be taken from you. You have the power today to reset your boundaries, restore your image, start fresh with renewed values and rebuild what has happened to you in the past." - Shannon L. Alder

"Boundaries aren't about being in protection mode. Boundaries are about what you have within that is so valuable that you will not allow certain people to come near it or hurt it or whatever. Boundaries stem from self-worth." - Najwa Zebian

"Insecurity is at the heart of every rivalry." - Beth Moore

"Never judge someone by the opinion of others." - Anonymous

"People who repeatedly attack your confidence and self-esteem are quite aware of your potential, even if you are not." - Wayne Gerard Trotman

"People who shine from within don't need the spotlight." - Unknown

➡️ Your dignity (innate privacy of your space and mind) is a right and not conditional on the type of person someone else is. Not everyone appreciates boundaries, regardless of how you establish or communicate them.

➡️ You do not need to keep quiet and start a war inside yourself just because anyone else is inconvenienced by your truth, self-betrayal isn’t the answer, speaking up strategically is.

➡️ Feel it to heal it, but do not display it needlessly, no one is saying to repress, it's just that discernment tells us who is worthy of our vulnerability and who may weaponize it, we live and learn. We are called to protect our hearts for a reason. It preserves our energy.

➡️ Grant forgiveness, but deny access.

➡️ If even basic things like a simple conversation or clarification are needlessly convoluted, you should recognize it as a significant warning sign.

➡️ Go where it's safe to rest. The most genuine people respect that your time belongs to you and your wellness.

➡️  Authentic connections require acknowledging others as autonomous beings especially over matters within their own private jurisdiction. 

➡️ Self-care functions as an essential life support system, ensuring your preservation and continued survival. Therefore, anything obstructing it demonstrates a lack of regard for your ongoing existence.

Forgiveness is for YOU:

  • It’s not for them.
  • You don’t need an apology.
  • It’s not re-instating trust.
  • It’s not reconciliation. You should not be expected to be around anyone who has harmed you to begin with (hurt is distinct from harm). 
  • It just means not repaying harm with harm, it doesn't mean staying in the line of fire like a fool and ignoring your instincts and what you saw with your own eyes.
  • You do not let go of the lessons, you let go of the suffering.

Forgiveness does *not* forgo safety.

Forgiveness is not required for healing.

Forgiveness doesn't mean erasing lessons or parameters. Move with caution.

Health is your best protection, appeasing filters is not.

Healthy self-expression is welcome in healthy situations.

Healthy situations will never take self-sacrifice as dedication and genuine people will never touch your gym time, nutrition, and sleep time.

The right people will respect the limits of your availability. 

Love all, trust few. Grace is not doing to them what they did to you, grace is not condoning. 

Warriors don’t let destiny thieves steal their path or redirect it.

The true definition of care is respecting wellness and healthy privacy.  

Warmth is respect, grace, well wishes, and positivity in demeanor, intrusiveness isn't warm: it is dominance. Respect for lines is warm/caring because it recognizes humanity, free will, dignity, and autonomy (all tied to wellness).

Personable is genuine and safe, personal is prying like the IRS. You have no obligation to disclose your personal affairs to anyone, and if this poses an issue for them, it's their own personal matter to deal with. It's impossible to genuinely connect with people who don't recognize your autonomy.

You're in charge of your chosen level of privacy at all times. Don't let intruders weaponize warmth.

Trust your instincts. Boundaries are healthy, not cold.

You do not owe anyone needless vulnerability (much less people who will weaponize it).

Anyone who personalizes your lines is free to do so. Don't compromise your dignity and privacy to impress others. There are dignified ways to connect. 

Prioritizing your well-being attracts individuals who respect balance.

Situations over which you have no control expose the reality of things.

Compassion and understanding can be had from a safe distance. You can empathize with others' viewpoints without sacrificing your fundamental rights.

Empathy is not about saying yes when you mean no, but rather about showing kindness even when it's not needed. It's an innate energy. 

It's OK to leave things in the past, but it's not OK to misuse your time and generosity.

Guard your heart.

Here's to being strong enough to say, "I won't ever deal with that again."