Another person’s like or dislike of our values, how we live, what we spend our time on is not an issue to “fix” as we are not “defective” due to someone else’s worldview. We’re not meant for everyone and that’s truly okay, it’s better for our health to be authentic.
Being who you are:
Where does the entitlement to impose lifestyle/value/judgement on others come from? It’s truly not our job/responsibility to explain/defend/clarify ourselves/values/lives to anyone, perhaps they should be offended at their own life and less worried about other people. If you harm no one, you have no reason to live to appease the insecure...
Do not change your whole being just to appease someone else's agreement with reality! They steal your life if you do that.
We can mitigate our flaws (this is a positive thing), but changing how we lead our lives for the sake of a few doubters, how about no?
If I had listened to the haters back then, I would never be featured in Forbes.
I mean if someone has such an issue with anything you do/how you live and you're not harming anyone/selling drugs/breaking the law: this is a reflection of their relationship with themselves (which needs work). People like that don't need exposure to those different than them if their hate is from the gate, they need self-esteem surgery. It's not our responsibility to "make" anyone "like" us, it is likely detrimental to us to have further exposure than necessary to psychologically unsafe people.
They need to ask themselves why they're so bothered by what you view as health/fun/freedom and overall, why does how you live even affect them?
Anything inappropriate (a question or an action) is designed to subtly dominate us (even if it can be easily excused or covered up as caring, that's nonsense, it comes down to tone and how close they are to you) so when we question them back (since we don’t owe them anything like that in the first place): we remove ourselves from the small space they’ve cornered us into and take our power back so they don’t do it to others.
There are various ways to go about business and life, authenticity over approval.
Onto the next concept...
Authenticity is also about discernment.
Without clear strategy, everything seems like a viable “lead” or “opportunity”, that's not ideal because a strategy makes time management decisions upfront so when you have a purpose, not everything is right for you and it would be concerning if everything was! Not everything is in alignment when you know your daily vision and that's ideally how it should be once you have your values/purpose/vision figured out.
Discernment has helped my previous susceptibility to shiny object syndrome as it’s about making my money through the right purpose or purposes (for me), not just making money for the sake of it by whatever means as the means matters as much as the end.
Trying to “do it all” is far more limiting than knowing what to ignore/refuse to take on because mental bandwidth simply is more powerful and potent when focused and well-rested.
No one can “self-care” on your behalf so anything/anyone that requires sacrificing sleep/wellness is a red flag that you are truly better off without. You’re not infringing on anything/anyone else, this is basic self-preservation which weeds out the users/takers/fakers early.
Healthy relationships do NOT require you to compromise yourself... it's called overflow not depletion and the type of compromise should not put you in time/energy debt (it should feel right)...
Restoring, aligning, replenishing your own energy first and guarding your self-care time allows the important parts of your life to get the best of you. Self-advocacy and prioritizing your needs (for which you’re responsible) is self-respect. You’re not infringing on anyone.
Nope, no amount of health-related sacrifices lead anywhere meant to be/anywhere healthy. 👏 Only you know the limits of your bandwidth.
I don't want to be doing just anything just for the sake of money especially if it costs sleep and peaceful time to fully disconnect (sustains creativity and recharging), I want to be doing what I want to do, while being fulfilled, while getting my bag. This is much different than people who will jump at any get rich quick scheme or do whatever no matter what it is, I only want to do what I want to do.
When you have a vision, you respect/honour your existing commitments and the integrity towards them over speculative intangible ROI (not just effort but also sleep to sustain that effort), and you know which means by which you want to make your money (so purpose - not just from anything).
“Blinders on” focus means you are making choices upfront and inevitably may lose out on some things, doesn’t matter, only what fits your vision fits and that’s empowering because there’s no space for distractions when you know what you want. Being "all things" is not truly living in alignment as alignment implies focus.
The MORE you care about your craft, the MORE health precedes it. Period. Medical issues and so on are incredibly disruptive and there will always be limited hours in a day so “pruning” the list and placing clear constraints on vision/strategy weeds things out at the onset.
Direction over speed because doing everything in a mediocre half-hearted manner accomplishes nothing.
Should there be a busy season at any point that does require longer hours, make sure that the hours actually provide a high return on investment and that they’re not a result of inefficiency. Costing out the time expenditures as we go is measuring ROI on that extra time expense.
For instance, I rather do one podcast / a hundred major publications, than a million mediocre ones, I love the restraints on my time as they force me to focus. Hours and quantity are not synonymous with leverage. Input vs. output is the intelligence, creative thinking, innovation, and ownership over one’s craft - so thinking about the bigger picture without forgetting details. Quantity is not a measure of in-depth impact and conveyer belt robot-life promotes burnout with no ROI. The depth of the problem solved outweighs what tidbits multiplied by high numbers can do.
Quality of time over quantity, but only a strong foundation can make this concept happen.
Say no swiftly and quickly to what doesn’t match your values, vision, or the business you’re in. You’re not here to be all things, distractions are dangerous... constraints/strategy = time management. Your priorities don’t need to be explained to the right people.
Money for the sake of it will have you at the beck and call of everything, no thanks. I don't care about the potential ROI, I care about my vision (purpose).
A vision is innately focused as it says no to anything that isn’t falling within its strategic constraints, I am mapping out my next 1-2 years now for the startup and I have never felt this level of clarity before, it’s life-changing to know the true root of it all was ADHD.
By definition, a constraint is precisely being willing to miss out on whatever opportunities do not fit your daily vision or future vision or time constraints (respecting existing responsibilities 101), this is the joy of missing out and embracing the concept of focus. There is no “ultimate” path, there’s your vision.
Knowing "how" you want to go about it is key.
Discernment will bother the wrong people and that thankfully weeds them out early.
Let's not make it our problem and keep shining, and aiming for purpose, not pleasing the wrong people because not everyone deserves a seat at your table.
A good way to clean out your life of those only nice to you when you comply with their version of how you should be for their benefit (even if it’s at the expense of your basic core priorities) rather than you accepting/respecting yourself and living your life as you please is to be yourself and watch the fakes fall away fast. Real people encourage the real you!
I only need people around me who encourage focus, and that's it. We're not here to appease those for whom we will never be "enough" for since they're (the unwinnable manipulative ungrateful) not the dictators of our purpose, we are.
Everyone has issues in their life that they don’t always show... we choose which areas of our lives we put on display, but that doesn’t mean that everything is perfect and that those going after it with discipline have an easy road or no responsibilities. Far from it.
The busier you are, the more variables you have in your life: the MORE schedule space you need. Insomnia? You need buffers for waves of busy. ANY health condition is like a scheduled appointment so refuse to clutter that time with anything non-essential.
No one can health/sleep/eat well on your behalf, being responsible for your health means you can carry through the obligations you care about and be showing up fully for those you care about, setting/knowing your limits and guarding that time is putting on your oxygen mask.
Another reason to never set yourself on fire is that if you do, certain people will tell you that it’s not hot enough or that you’re not doing enough and they will go as far as kicking you when you’re down, so the right people will never require you to do so in the first place. 👏
Self-care enables you to show up fully for the people and the things that you care about at a higher QUALITY level... and only the things/people you REALLY care about - the carved out forces us to choose wisely!
Everything cannot be important on an equal level in every season.
No rational person will be bothered about your chosen priorities, even if it means less of your presence: the quality will be higher.
No rational person will even require explanations because they will not personalize your priorities as an attack because they know your world does not revolve around them... because everyone gets to decide their priorities as autonomous individuals on this planet and we are not beholden to people that have God-complexes.
Putting your oxygen mask on first = putting yourself first : it’s being responsible for your obligations (the more you value them: the more you protect your mental bandwidth, breathing space, alone time be it gym/meditation/whatever). If you’re running on empty, your obligations will not be fulfilled. Leave buffers too.
The best way to get nothing accomplished is to be overstretched, we think that, by adding more to our plates (every minute matters) that we are doing more, but nothing substantial gets done as there are too many directions = no quality/depth. Reduce/declutter. Simplify to amplify.
The people with the problem are the ones who believe that they should come before your chosen priorities in life, that's really weird.
View personal time as sacred, which means that “go time” needs to be efficient otherwise there is no recharge time.
If you choose to explain yourself, do it from the heart, don't do it because you feel obligated to.
Loving souls will encourage you to be more of yourself (they'll respect the limits of your availability), lose the egomaniacs early.
Know that no one genuine will want you to get to empty. ✨